,,! ,,ABSOLUTELY ,,TRUE ,,DI>Y
         ,,( ,A ,,"P-"T ,,9DIAN

            0,,%]MAN ,,ALEXIE

      ,PUBLI%$ 0,LL1 ,BR[N & ,-PANY
            ,NEW ,YORK1 ,,NY
    ,COPY"R ^C #BJJG 0,%]MAN ,ALEXIE
   ,FUR!R REPRODUC;N OR 4TRIBU;N 9 O!R
   ?AN A SPECIALIZ$ =MAT IS PROHIBIT$4
             ,TRANSCRIP;N (
     ,,ISBN-#AC3 #IGH-J-CAF-JACFH-J
       ,,ISBN-#AJ3 #J-CAF-JACFH-D
      ,TRANSCRIB$ 9 ,5GLI% ,BRL BY
           ,NANCY ,BAIRD ,BR[N
          ,"EGRE5 ,BRL ,S]VICE
            ,S1TTLE1 ,WA%+TON
             ,9 #C ,VOLUMES
               ,VOLUME #B
        ,PAGES ;I-;IV & #AJA-AIF

          ,"U ! ,SPONSOR%IP (
  ,WA%+TON ,TALK+ ,BOOK @& ,BRL ,LIBR>Y
            ,S1TTLE1 ,WA%+TON
                  #BJJI
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       ,,SPECIAL ,,SYMBOLS ,,US$    ;III
            ,,9 ,,? ,,VOLUME

^C COPY"R SYMBOL
@& AMP]S&
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                                     ;IV
























        ,SL\*+ ,T[>D ,?ANKSGIV+     #AJA

  ,I WALK$ L A ZOMBIE "? ! NEXT FEW
WEEKS 9 ,RE>DAN4
  ,WELL1 NO1 T'S N EXACTLY ! "R DESCRIP-
;N4 ,I M1N1 IF ,I'D BE5 WALK+ >.D L A
ZOMBIE1 ,I MI<T H BE5 SC>Y4 ,S1 NO1 ,I
WASN'T A ZOMBIE1 N AT ALL4 ,2C Y C'T IG-
NORE A ZOMBIE4 ,S T MADE ME1 WELL1 X
MADE ME .NO?+4
  ,Z]O4
  ,ZIL*4
  ,NADA4
  ,9 FACT1 IF Y ?9K ( "EYBODY )A BODY1
S\L1 & BRA9 Z A HUMAN1 !N ,I 0 ! OPPO-
SITE ( HUMAN4
  ,X 0 ! L"OLIE/ "T ( MY LIFE4
  ,& :5"E ,I GET L"OLY1 ,I GR[ A BIG ZIT
ON ! 5D ( MY NOSE4
  ,IF ?+S DIDN'T GET BETT] SOON1 ,I 0
GO+ 6TURN 96"O GIANT WALK+ TALK+ ZIT4
  ,A /RANGE ?+ 0 HAPP5+ 6ME4
  ,ZITTY & L"OLY1 ,I WOKE UP ON ! RES]-
V,N Z AN ,9DIAN1 & "S": ON ! ROAD 6,RE>-
DAN1 ,I 2CAME "S?+ LESS ?AN ,9DIAN4
  ,& ONCE ,I >RIV$ AT ,RE>DAN1 ,I   #AJB
2CAME "S?+ LESS ?AN LESS ?AN LESS ?AN
,9DIAN4
  ,^? :ITE KIDS DID N TALK 6ME4
  ,!Y B>ELY LOOK$ AT ME4
  ,WELL1 ,ROG] WD NOD 8 H1D AT ME1 B HE
DIDN'T SOCIALIZE ) ME OR ANY?+4 ,I WON-
D]$ IF MAYBE ,I %D PUN* "EYBODY 9 !
FACE4 ,MAYBE !Y'D ALL PAY ATT5;N 6ME !N4
  ,I J WALK$ F CLASS 6CLASS AL"O2 ,I SAT
AT LUN* AL"O2 DUR+ ,,PE ,I /OOD 9 ! COR-
N] (! GYM & PLAY$ CAT* ) MYF4 ,J TOSS$ A
BASKETBALL UP & D[N1 UP & D[N1 UP & D[N4
  ,& ,I "K Y'RE ?9K+1 8,OKAY1 ,MR4 ,SAD
,SACK1 H[ _M WAYS >E Y GO+ 6TELL U H[
DEPRESS$ Y W]E80
  ,&1 OKAY1 MAYBE ,I'M OV]/AT+ MY CASE4
,MAYBE ,I'M EXA7]AT+4 ,S LET ME TELL Y A
FEW GD ?+S T ,I 4COV]$ DUR+ T AW;L "T4
  ,F/ ( ALL1 ,I LE>N$ T ,I 0 SM>T] ?AN
MO/ ( ^? :ITE KIDS4
  ,OH1 "! 7 A C\PLE GIRLS & "O BOY :O 7
LL ,E9/E9S1 & "! 0 NO WAY ,I'D "E 2
SM>T] ?AN !M1 B ,I 0 WAY SM>T] ?AN #II
P]C5T (! O!RS4 ,& N J SM>T = AN ,9DIAN1
OKAY8 ,I 0 SM>T1 P]IOD4             #AJC
  ,LET ME GIVE Y AN EXAMPLE4
  ,9 GEOLOGY CLASS1 ! T1*]1 ,MR4 ,DODGE1
0 TALK+ AB ! PETRIFI$ WOOD =E/S NE>
,GEORGE1 ,WA%+TON1 ON ! ,COLUMBIA ,RIV]1
& H[ X 0 PRETTY AMAZ+ T WOOD CD TURN 9TO
ROCK4
  ,I RAIS$ MY H&4
  8,YES1 ,>NOLD10 ,MR4 ,DODGE SD4
  ,HE 0 SURPRIS$4 ,T 0 ! F/ "T ,I'D
RAIS$ MY H& 9 8 CLASS4
  8,UH1 ]1 UM10 ,I SD4
  ,Y1H1 ,I 0 S .>TICULATE4
  8,SPIT X \10 ,DODGE SD4
  8,WELL10 ,I SD4 8,PETRIFI$ WOOD IS N
WOOD40
  ,MY CLASSMATES />$ AT ME4 ,!Y CDN'T
2LIEVE T ,I 0 3TRADICT+ A T1*]4
  8,IF X'S N WOOD10 ,DODGE SD1 8!N :Y D
!Y CALL X WOOD80
  8,I DON'T "K10 ,I SD4 8,I DIDN'T "N !
/UFF4 ,B ,I "K H[ X "WS40
  ,DODGE'S FACE 0 R$4
  ,HOT R$4
  ,I'D N"E SE5 AN ,9DIAN LOOK T R$4 ,S
:Y D !Y CALL U ! R$SK9S8            #AJD
  8,OKAY1 ,>NOLD1 IF Y'RE S SM>T10
,DODGE SD1 8!N TELL U H[ X "WS40
  8,WELL1 :AT HAPP5S IS1 ]1 :5 Y H WOOD
T'S BURI$ "U DIRT1 !N M9]ALS & /UFF SORT
(1 UH1 SOAK 96! WOOD4 ,!Y1 UH1 K9D (
MELT ! WOOD &! GLUE T HOLDS ! WOOD TGR4
,& !N ! M9]ALS SORT ( TAKE ! PLACE (!
WOOD &! GLUE4 ,I M1N1 ! M9]ALS KEEP !
SAME %APE Z ! WOOD4 ,L1 IF ! M9]ALS TOOK
ALL ! WOOD & GLUE \ (A1 UH1 TREE1 !N !
TREE WD / 2 A TREE1 SORT (1 B X WD 2 A
TREE MADE \ ( M9]ALS4 ,S1 UH1 Y SEE1 !
WOOD HAS N TURN$ 96ROCKS4 ,! ROCKS H RE-
PLAC$ ! WOOD40
  ,DODGE />$ H>D AT ME4 ,HE 0 DANG]\SLY
ANGRY3
      ,DRAW+3 A VOLCANO2 ,MR4 ,DODGE2 ,:
    ( ^! PYROTE*NIC GIANTS W EXPLODE
    F/868
  8,OKAY1 ,>NOLD10 ,DODGE SD4 8,": DID Y
LE>N ? FACT8 ,ON ! RES]V,N8 ,YES1 WE ALL
"K "!'S S M* AMAZ+ SCI;E ON ! RES]V,N40
  ,MY CLASSMATES SNICK]$4 ,!Y PO9T$ _!
F+]S AT ME & GI7L$4 ,EXCEPT = "O4
,GORDY1 ! CLASS G5IUS4 ,HE RAIS$    #AJE
8 H&4
  8,GORDY10 ,DODGE SD1 ALL HAPPY & RE-
LIEV$ & /UFF4 8,I'M SURE Y C TELL U !
TRU?40
  8,UH1 ACTU,Y10 ,GORDY SD1 8,>NOLD IS
"R AB PETRIFI$ WOOD4 ,T'S :AT HAPP5S40
  ,DODGE SU45LY W5T ALL PALE4 ,YEP4 ,F
BLOOD R$ 6SN[ :ITE 9 AB TWO SECONDS4
  ,IF ,GORDY SD X 0 TRUE1 !N X 0 TRUE4
,& EV5 ,DODGE KNEW T4
  ,MR4 ,DODGE WASN'T EV5 A R1L SCI;E
T1*]4 ,T'S :AT HAPP5S 9 SMALL S*OOLS1 Y
"K8 ,"S"TS Y DON'T H 5 M"OY 6HIRE A R1L
SCI;E T1*]4 ,"S"TS Y H AN OLD R1L SCI;E
T1*] :O RETIRES OR QUITS & L1VES Y )\T A
REPLACE;T4 ,& IF Y DON'T H A R1L SCI;E
T1*]1 !N Y PICK "O (! O!R T1*]S & MAKE
HM ! SCI;E T1*]4
  ,& T'S :Y SMALL-T[N KIDS "S"TS DON'T
"K ! TRU? AB PETRIFI$ WOOD4
  8,WELL1 ISN'T T 9T]E/+10 ! FAKE SCI;E
T1*] SD4 8,?ANK Y = %>+ T ) U1 ,GORDY40
  ,Y1H1 T'S "R4 ,MR4 ,DODGE ?ANK$
,GORDY1 B DIDN'T SAY ANO!R ^W 6ME4
  ,YEP1 N[ EV5 ! T1*]S 7 TR1T+ ME   #AJF
L AN IDIOT4
  ,I %RANK BACK 96MY *AIR & REMEMB]$ :5
,I US$ 6BE A HUMAN 2+4
  ,I REMEMB] :5 P US$ 6?9K ,I 0 SM>T4
  ,I REMEMB] :5 P US$ 6?9K MY BRA9 0
USE;L4
  ,DAMAG$ 0WAT]1 SURE4 ,& R1DY 6SEIZURE
AT ANY MO;T4 ,B / USE;L1 & MAYBE EV5 A
LL BIT B1UTI;L & SACR$ & MAGICAL4
  ,AF CLASS1 ,I CAU<T UP 6,GORDY 9 !
HALLWAY4
  8,HEY1 ,GORDY10 ,I SD4 8,?ANKS40
  8,?ANKS = :AT80 HE SD4
  8,?ANKS = /ICK+ UP = ME BACK "!4 ,=
TELL+ ,DODGE ! TRU?40
  8,I DIDN'T D X = Y10 ,GORDY SD4 8,I
DID X = SCI;E40
  ,HE WALK$ AWAY4 ,I /OOD "! & WAIT$ =!
ROCKS 6REPLACE MY B"OS & BLOOD4
  ,I RODE ! BUS HOME T NI<T4
  ,WELL1 NO1 ,I RODE ! BUS 6! 5D (! L9E1
: 0 ! RES]V,N BORD]4
  ,& "! ,I WAIT$4
  ,MY DAD 0 SUPPOS$ 6PICK ME UP4 ,B HE
WASN'T SURE IF HE'D H 5 GAS M"OY4   #AJG
  ,ESPECI,Y IF HE 0 GO+ 6/OP AT ! REZ
CAS9O & PLAY SLOT MA*9ES F/4
  ,I WAIT$ = ?IRTY M9UTES4
  ,EXACTLY4
  ,!N ,I />T$ WALK+4
  ,GETT+ 6S*OOL 0 ALW AN ADV5TURE4
  ,AF S*OOL1 ,I'D RIDE ! BUS 6! 5D (!
L9E & WAIT = MY FOLKS4
  ,IF !Y DIDN'T -E1 ,I'D />T WALK+4
  ,HIT*HIK+ 9 ! OPPOSITE DIREC;N4
  ,"SBODY 0 USU,Y H1D+ BACK HOME 6! REZ1
S ,I'D USU,Y CAT* A RIDE4
  ,?REE "TS1 ,I _H 6WALK ! :OLE WAY
HOME4
  ,TW5TY-TWO MILES4
  ,I GOT BLI/]S EA* "T4
      ,DRAW+3 ,JUNIOR ,GETS 6,S*OOL
    ,,MON ,NO GAS M"OY1 ,I HIT*HIKE4
    ,,TUES ,GAS M"OY2 C> ISN'T RUNN+4 ,I
      HIT*HIKE4
    ,,W$ ,DAD GIVES ME A RIDE4 ,C> BR1KS
      D[N #A MILE F S*OOL4 ,I WALK & GET
      6S*OOL #CJ M9S4 LATE4
    ,,?URS ,MOM GIVES ME A RIDE2 ,DAD
      TOO HUNGOV]4 8,?ANKS ,MA40    #AJH
    ,,FRI ,NO GAS M"OY2 NOBODY /OPS TO
      PICK ME UP4 ,WALK HOME2 WAT* ,,TV4
      S.D F ,,TV3 8,! ,PRICE IS ,"R6
      ,MRS ,BUN1 Y ,,W960 8,SQU1L660
    ,,NEXT ,,WEEK3 ,/>T OV] 7B 9 A DI6]-
      5T ORD]60
  ,ANYWAY1 AF MY PETRIFI$ WOOD "D1 ,I
CAU<T A RIDE )A ,BUR1U ( ,9DIAN ,A6AIRS
:ITE GUY & HE DROPP$ ME (F "R 9 FRONT (
MY H\SE4
  ,I WALK$ 9SIDE & SAW T MY "M 0 CRY+4
  ,I (T5 WALK$ 9SIDE 6F9D MY "M CRY+4
  8,:AT'S WR;G80 ,I ASK$4
  8,X'S YR SI/]10 %E SD4
  8,DID %E RUN AWAY AG80
  8,%E GOT M>RI$40
  ,W[1 ,I 0 FR1K$4 ,B MY "M & "F 7 ABSO-
LUTELY FR1K$4 ,9DIAN FAMILIES /ICK TGR L
,GORILLA ,GLUE1 ! /R;GE/ ADHESIVE 9 !
_W4 ,MY "M & "F BO? LIV$ )9 TWO MILES (
": !Y 7 BORN1 & MY GR&"M LIV$ "O MILE F
": %E 0 BORN4 ,"E S9CE ! ,SPOKANE ,9DIAN
,RES]V,N 0 F.D$ BACK 9 #AHHA1 NOBODY 9
MY FAMILY _H "E LIV$ ANY": ELSE4 ,WE
,_SS /AY 9 "O PLACE4 ,WE >E ABSO-   #AJI
LUTELY TRIBAL4 ,= GD OR BAD1 WE DON'T
L1VE "O ANO!R4 ,& N[1 MY "M & "F _H LO/
TWO KIDS 6! \TSIDE _W4
  ,I ?9K !Y FELT L FAILURES4 ,OR MAYBE
!Y 7 J L"OLY4 ,OR MAYBE !Y DIDN'T "K :AT
!Y 7 FEEL+4
  ,I DIDN'T "K :AT 6FEEL4 ,:O CD "U/& MY
SI/]8
  ,AF SEV5 YE>S ( LIV+ 9 ! BASE;T &
WAT*+ ,,TV1 AF DO+ .ABSOLUTELY .NO?+ AT
ALL1 MY SI/] DECID$ %E NE$$ 6*ANGE H]
LIFE4
  ,I GUESS ,I'D K9D ( %AM$ H]4
  ,IF ,I 0 BRAVE 5 6G 6,RE>DAN1 !N %E'D
2 BRAVE 5 6,,M>RY ,A ,,FLATH1D ,,9DIAN
,,& ,,MOVE ,,6,,MONTANA4
  8,":'D %E MEET ? GUY80 ,I ASK$ MY "M4
  8,AT ! CAS9O10 %E SD4 8,YR SI/] SD HE
0 A GD POK] PLAY]4 ,I GUESS HE TRAVELS
6ALL ! ,9DIAN CAS9OS 9 ! C.TRY40
  8,%E M>RI$ HM 2C HE PLAYS C>DS80
  8,%E SD HE WASN'T AFRAID 6GAM# "EY?+1
& T'S ! K9D ( MAN %E WANT$ 6SP5D H] LIFE
)40
  ,I CDN'T 2LIEVE X4 ,MY SI/] M>-   #AAJ
RI$ A GUY =A DAMN SILLY R1SON4 ,B ,I
SUPPOSE P (T5 GET M>RI$ = DAMN SILLY
R1SONS4
  8,IS HE GD-LOOK+80 ,I ASK$4
  8,HE'S ACTU,Y K9D ( UGLY10 MY "M SD4
8,HE HAS ? HOOK NOSE & 8 EYES >E WAY
DI6]5T SIZES40
  ,DAMN1 MY SI/] _H M>RI$ A LOPSID$1
EAGLE-NOS$1 NOMADIC POK] PLAY]4
  ,X MADE ME FEEL SMALL]4
  ,I ?"\ ,I 0 PRETTY T\<4
  ,B ,I'D J H 6DODGE DIRTY LOOKS F :ITE
KIDS :ILE MY SI/] WD 2 DODG+ GUNFIRE 9
B1UTI;L ,MONTANA4 ,^? ,MONTANA ,9DIANS 7
S T\< T :ITE P 7 SC>$ ( !M4
  ,C Y IMAG9E A PLACE ": :ITE P >E SC>$
( ,9DIANS & N ! O!R WAY >.D8
  ,T'S ,MONTANA4
  ,& MY SI/] _H M>RI$ "O ( ^? CRAZY ,IN-
DIANS4
  ,%E DIDN'T EV5 TELL \R P>5TS OR GR&"M
OR ME 2F %E LEFT4 ,%E CALL$ ,MOM F ,/4
,IGNATIUS1 ,MONTANA1 ON ! ,FLATH1D ,9DI-
AN ,RES]V,N1 & SD1 8,HEY1 ,MOM1 ,I'M A
M>RI$ WOMAN N[4 ,I WANT 6H T5 BA-   #AAA
BIES & LIVE "H ="E & "E40
  ,H[ WEIRD IS T8 ,X'S ALM .ROMANTIC4
  ,& !N ,I R1LIZ$ T MY SI/] 0 TRY+ TO
,,LIVE A ROM.E NOVEL4
      ,DRAW+3 BOOK COV]3 ,! ,/RANG] F
    ,MONTANA2 ,7GIRL ON COV]7' ,MY ,ONLY
    ,SI/]3 8,?9K Y'RE S T\<1 ,JUNIOR860
      ,AN ,EXC]PT F ! ,BOOK3
      8,I WANT 6H T5 BABIES & LIVE "H =-
    "E & "E60 EXCLAIM$ ,M>Y ,RUNS ,AWAY4
      8,D>L+60 GU%$ :AT'S-HIS-FACE4 ,_!
    BE]-SMELLY M\?S MET 9 A BIG KISS1
    UNTIL :AT'S-HIS-FACE _H 6BURP4
    8,BLE1P60
  ,MAN1 T TAKES C\RAGE & IMAG9,N4 ,WELL1
X AL TOOK "S DEGREE ( M5TAL ILL;S1 TOO1
B ,I 0 SU45LY HAPPY = H]4
  ,&A LL SC>$4
  ,WELL1 A LOT SC>$4
  ,%E 0 TRY+ 6LIVE \ H] DR1M4 ,WE %D H
ALL BE5 DELIRI\S T %E'D MOV$ \ (! BASE-
;T4 ,WE'D BE5 TRY+ 6GET H] \ ( "! =
YE>S4 ,( C\RSE1 MY "M & "F WD H BE5 HAP-
PY IF %E'D J GOTT5 A "P-"T JOB AT ! PO/
(FICE OR TRAD+ PO/1 & MAYBE J       #AAB
MOV$ 96AN UP/AIRS B$ROOM 9 \R H\SE4
  ,B ,I J KEPT ?9K+ T MY SI/]'S _S _HN'T
BE5 KILL$4 ,%E _HN'T GIV5 UP4 ,? RES]V,N
_H TRI$ 6SU6OCATE H]1 _H KEPT H] TRAPP$
9 A BASE;T1 & N[ %E 0 \ ROAM+ ! HUGE
GRASSY FIELDS ( ,MONTANA4
  ,H[ COOL6
  ,I FELT 9SPIR$4
  ,( C\RSE1 MY P>5TS & GR&"M 7 9 %OCK4
,!Y ?"\ MY SI/] & ,I 7 GO+ ABSOLUTELY
CRAZY4
  ,B ,I ?"\ WE 7 2+ W>RIORS1 Y "K8
  ,&A W>RIOR ISN'T AFRAID ( 3FRONT,N4
  ,S ,I W5T 6S*OOL ! NEXT "D & WALK$ "R
UP 6,GORDY ! ,G5IUS ,:ITE ,BOY4
  8,GORDY10 ,I SD4 8,I NE$ 6TALK 6Y40
  8,I DON'T H "T10 HE SD4 8,MR4 ,ORCUTT
& ,I H 6DEBUG "S ,,PC,'S4 ,DON'T Y HATE
,,PC,'S8 ,!Y >E SICKLY & FRAGILE & VUL-
N]A# 6VIRUSES4 ,,PC,'S >E L ,FR5* P LIV+
DUR+ ! BUBONIC PLAGUE40
  ,W[1 & P ?"\ ,I 0 A FR1K4
  8,I M* PREF] ,MACS1 DON'T Y80 HE ASK$4
8,!Y'RE S POETIC40
  ,? GUY 0 9 LOVE ) -PUT]S4 ,I      #AAC
WOND]$ IF HE 0 SECRETLY WRIT+ A ROM.E AB
A SK9NY1 :ITE BOY G5IUS :O 0 HAV+ SEX )A
HALF-BRE$ ,APPLE -PUT]4
  8,-PUT]S >E -PUT]S10 ,I SD4 8,"O OR !
O!R1 X'S ALL ! SAME40
  ,GORDY SI<$4
  8,S1 ,MR4 ,_S10 HE SD4 8,>E Y GO+ TO
BORE ME ) YR TAUTOLOGIES ALL "D OR >E Y
GO+ 6ACTU,Y SAY "S?+80
  ,TAUTOLOGIES8 ,:AT ! HECK 7 TAUTOLO-
GIES8 ,I CDN'T ASK ,GORDY 2C !N HE'D "K
,I 0 AN ILLIT]ATE ,9DIAN IDIOT4
  8,Y DON'T "K :AT A TAUTOLOGY IS1 D Y80
HE ASK$4
  8,YES1 ,I D10 ,I SD4 8,RE,Y1 ,I D4
,-PLETELY1 ,I D40
  8,Y'RE LY+40
  8,NO1 ,I'M N40
  8,YES1 Y >E40
  8,H[ C Y TELL80
  8,2C YR EYES DILAT$1 YR BR1?+ RATE IN-
CR1S$ A LL BIT1 & Y />T$ 6SW1T40
  ,OKAY1 S ,GORDY 0 A HUMAN LIE DETECTOR
MA*9E1 TOO4
  8,ALL "R1 ,I LI$10 ,I SD4 8,:AT   #AAD
IS A TAUTOLOGY80
  ,GORDY SI<$ AG4
  ,I ,,HAT$ ,,T ,,SI<6 ,I ,,WANT$ ,,TO
,,PUN* ,,T ,,SI< ,,9 ,,! ,,FACE6
  8,A TAUTOLOGY IS A REPETI;N (! SAME
S5SE 9 DI6]5T ^WS10 HE SD4
  8,OH10 ,I SD4
  ,:AT ! HELL 0 HE TALK+ AB8
  8,X'S A REDUNDANCY40
  8,OH1 Y M1N1 REDUNDANT1 L SAY+ ! SAME
?+ OV] & OV] B 9 DI6]5T WAYS80
  8,YES40
  8,OH1 S IF ,I SD "S?+ L1 ,8,GORDY IS A
DICK )\T E>S & AN E> )\T A DICK10' !N T
WD 2 A TAUTOLOGY40
  ,GORDY SMIL$4
  8,T'S N EXACTLY A TAUTOLOGY1 B X IS
FUNNY4 ,Y H A S+UL> WIT40
  ,I LAU<$4
  ,GORDY LAU<$1 TOO4 ,B !N HE R1LIZ$ T
,I WASN'T LAU<+ ,,) HM4 ,I 0 LAU<+ ,,AT
HM4
  8,:AT'S S FUNNY80 HE ASK$4
  8,I C'T 2LIEVE Y SD ,8S+UL> WIT40' ,T
S.DS L FRICK+ ,BRITI% OR "S?+40     #AAE
  8,WELL1 ,I AM A BIT ( AN ,ANGLOPHILE40
  8,AN ,ANGLOPHILE8 ,:AT'S AN ,ANGLO-
PHILE80
  8,X'S "S"O :O LOVES ,"M ,5GL&40
  ,GOD1 ? KID 0 AN EI<TY-YE>-OLD LIT]A-
TURE PROFESSOR TRAPP$ 9 ! BODY (A
FIFTE5-YE>-OLD F>M BOY4
  8,LI/51 ,GORDY10 ,I SD4 8,I "K Y'RE A
G5IUS & ALL4 ,B Y >E "O WEIRD DUDE40
  8,I'M Q AW>E ( MY DI6];ES4 ,I WDN'T
CLASSIFY !M Z WEIRD40
  8,DON'T GET ME WR;G4 ,I ?9K WEIRD IS
GRT4 ,I M1N1 IF Y LOOK AT ALL ! GRT P 9
HI/ORY--,E9/E91 ,MI*ELANGELO1 ,EMILY
,DICK9SON--!N Y'RE LOOK+ AT A BUN* (
WEIRD P40
  8,I'M GO+ 6BE LATE = CLASS10 ,GORDY
SD4 8,Y'RE GO+ 6BE LATE = CLASS4 ,P]H Y
%D1 Z !Y SAY1 CUT 6! *ASE40
  ,I LOOK$ AT ,GORDY4 ,HE 0 A BIG KID1
ACTU,Y1 /R;G F BUCK+ BALES & DRIV+
TRUCKS4 ,HE 0 PROBABLY ! /R;GE/ GEEK 9 !
_W4
  8,I WANT 6BE YR FR10 ,I SD4
  8,EXCUSE ME80 HE ASK$4            #AAF
  8,I WANT U 6BE FRS10 ,I SD4
  ,GORDY /EPP$ BACK4
  8,I ASSURE Y10 HE SD4 8,I AM N A HOMO-
SEXUAL40
  8,OH1 NO10 ,I SD4 8,I DON'T WANT 6BE
FRS T WAY4 ,I J M1NT REGUL> FRS4 ,I M1N1
Y & ,I1 WE H A LOT 9 -MON40
  ,GORDY /UDI$ ME N[4
  ,I 0 AN ,9DIAN KID F ! RES]V,N4 ,I 0
L"OLY & SAD & ISOLAT$ & T]RIFI$4
  ,J L ,GORDY4
  ,& S WE DID 2COME FRS4 ,N ! BE/ ( FRS4
,N L ,R[DY & ME4 ,WE DIDN'T %>E SECRETS4
,OR DR1MS4
  ,NO1 WE /UDI$ TGR4
  ,GORDY TAU<T ME H[ 6/UDY4
  ,BE/ ( ALL1 HE TAU<T ME H[ 6R1D4
  8,LI/510 HE SD "O AFN 9 ! LIBR>Y4 8,Y
H 6R1D A BOOK ?REE "TS 2F Y "K X4 ,! F/
"T Y R1D X =! /ORY4 ,! PLOT4 ,! MOVE;T F
SC5E 6SC5E T GIVES ! BOOK XS MO;TUM1 XS
RHY?M4 ,X'S L RID+ A RAFT D[N A RIV]4
,Y'RE J PAY+ ATT5;N 6! CURR5TS4 ,D Y "U-
/& T80
  8,N AT ALL10 ,I SD4               #AAG
  8,YES1 Y D10 HE SD4
  8,OKAY1 ,I D10 ,I SD4 ,I RE,Y DIDN'T1
B ,GORDY 2LIEV$ 9 ME4 ,HE WDN'T LET ME
GIVE UP4
  8,! SECOND "T Y R1D A BOOK1 Y R1D X =
XS HI/ORY4 ,= XS K ( HI/ORY4 ,Y ?9K AB !
M1N+ ( EA* ^W1 & ": T ^W CAME F4 ,I M1N1
Y R1D A NOVEL T HAS ! ^W ,8SPAM0' 9 X1 &
Y "K ": T ^W -ES F1 "R80
  8,SPAM IS JUNK ;E-MAIL10 ,I SD4
  8,YES1 T'S :AT X IS1 B :O 9V5T$ ! ^W1
:O F/ US$ X1 & H[ HAS ! M1N+ (! ^W *ANG$
S9CE X 0 F/ US$80
  8,I DON'T "K10 ,I SD4
  8,WELL1 Y H 6LOOK ALL T UP4 ,IF Y
DON'T TR1T EA* ^W T S]I\SLY !N Y'RE N
TR1T+ ! NOVEL S]I\SLY40
  ,I ?"\ AB MY SI/] 9 ,MONTANA4 ,MAYBE
ROM.E NOVELS 7 ABSOLUTELY S]I\S BUSI;S4
,MY SI/] C]TA9LY ?"\ !Y W]E4 ,I SU45LY
"U/OOD T IF E MO;T (A BOOK %D 2 TAK5 SE-
RI\SLY1 !N E MO;T (A LIFE %D 2 TAK5 S]I-
\SLY Z WELL4
  8,I DRAW C>TOONS10 ,I SD4
  8,:AT'S YR PO9T80 ,GORDY ASK$4    #AAH
  8,I TAKE !M S]I\SLY4 ,I USE !M 6"U/& !
_W4 ,I USE !M 6MAKE FUN (! _W4 ,6MAKE
FUN ( P4 ,& "S"TS ,I DRAW P 2C !Y'RE MY
FRS & FAMILY4 ,& ,I WANT 6HONOR !M40
  8,S Y TAKE YR C>TOONS Z S]I\SLY Z Y
TAKE BOOKS80
  8,Y1H1 ,I D10 ,I SD4 8,T'S K9D ( PA-
!TIC1 ISN'T X80
  8,NO1 N AT ALL10 ,GORDY SD4 8,IF Y'RE
GD AT X1 & Y LOVE X1 & X HELPS Y NAVI-
GATE ! RIV] (! _W1 !N X C'T 2 WR;G40
  ,W[1 ? DUDE 0 A POET4 ,MY C>TOONS
W]5'T J GD = GI7LES2 !Y 7 AL GD = POET-
RY4 ,FUNNY POETRY1 B POETRY N"O!.S4 ,X 0
S]I\SLY FUNNY /UFF4
  8,B DON'T TAKE ANY?+ TOO S]I\SLY1 EI10
,GORDY SD4
  ,! LL DORK CD R1D M9DS1 TOO4 ,HE 0 L
"S K9D ( ,/> ,W>S ALI5 CR1TURE ) 9VISI#
T5TACLES T SUCK$ YR ?"\S \ ( YR BRA94
  8,Y R1D A BOOK =! /ORY1 = EA* ( XS
^WS10 ,GORDY SD1 8& Y DRAW YR C>TOONS =!
/ORY1 = EA* (! ^WS & IMAGES4 ,&1 Y1H1 Y
NE$ 6TAKE T S]I\SLY1 B Y %D AL R1D &
DRAW 2C RE,Y GD BOOKS & C>TOONS     #AAI
GIVE Y A BON]40
  ,I 0 %OCK$3
      ,DRAW+3
    ,JUNIOR3 8,DID Y J SAY BOOKS %D GIVE
      ME A .BON]80
    ,GORDY3 8,YES1 ,I DID40
    ,JUNIOR3 8,>E Y .S]I\S80
    ,GORDY3 8,Y1H ''' ,DON'T Y GET EX-
      CIT$ AB BOOKS80
    ,JUNIOR3 8,I DON'T ?9K Y'RE SUPPOS$
      6GET .T EXCIT$ AB BOOKS40
  8,Y %D GET A BON]6 ,Y H 6GET A BON]60
,GORDY %\T$4 8,-E ON60
  ,WE RAN 96! ,RE>DAN ,HI< ,S*OOL ,LI-
BR>Y4
  8,LOOK AT ALL ^! BOOKS10 HE SD4
  8,"! >5'T T _M10 ,I SD4 ,X 0 A SMALL
LIBR>Y 9 A SMALL HI< S*OOL 9 A SMALL
T[N4
  8,"! >E ?REE ?\S& F\R HUNDR$ & TWELVE
BOOKS "H10 ,GORDY SD4 8,I "K T 2C ,I
C.T$ !M40
  8,OKAY1 N[ Y'RE (FICI,Y A FR1K10 ,I
SD4
  8,YES1 X'S A SMALL LIBR>Y4 ,X'S   #ABJ
A T9Y "O4 ,B IF Y R1D "O ( ^! BOOKS A
"D1 X WD / TAKE Y ALM T5 YE>S 6F9I%40
  8,:AT'S YR PO9T80
  8,! _W1 EV5 ! SMALLE/ "PS ( X1 IS
FILL$ ) ?+S Y DON'T "K40
  ,W[4 ,T 0 A HUGE IDEA4
  ,ANY T[N1 EV5 "O Z SMALL Z ,RE>DAN1 0
A PLACE ( MY/]Y4 ,& T M1NT T ,WELLP9IT1
T SMALL]1 ,9DIAN T[N1 0 AL A PLACE (
MY/]Y4
  8,OKAY1 S X'S L EA* ( ^! BOOKS IS A
MY/]Y4 ,E BOOK IS A MY/]Y4 ,& IF Y R1D
ALL ! BOOKS "E WRITT51 X'S L Y'VE R1D "O
GIANT MY/]Y4 ,& NO MATT] H[ M* Y LE>N1 Y
J KEEP ON LE>N+ "! IS S M* M Y NE$ TO
LE>N40
  8,YES1 YES1 YES1 YES10 ,GORDY SD4 8,N[
DOESN'T T GIVE Y A BON]80
  8,I AM ROCK H>D10 ,I SD4
  ,GORDY BLU%$4
  8,WELL1 ,I DON'T M1N BON] 9 ! SEXUAL
S5SE10 ,GORDY SD4 8,I DON'T ?9K Y %D RUN
"? LIFE )A R1L ERECT P5IS4 ,B Y %D AP-
PROA* EA* BOOK--Y %D APPROA* LIFE--)!
R1L POSSIBIL;Y T Y MI<T GET A       #ABA
METAPHORICAL BON] AT ANY PO9T40
  8,A METAPHORICAL BON]60 ,I %\T$4 8,:AT
! HECK IS A METAPHORICAL BON]80
  ,GORDY LAU<$4
  8,:5 ,I SAY BON]1 ,I RE,Y M1N JOY10 HE
SD4
  8,!N :Y DIDN'T Y SAY JOY8 ,Y DIDN'T H
6SAY BON]4 ,:5"E ,I ?9K AB BON]S1 ,I GET
3FUS$40
  8,BON] IS FUNNI]4 ,& M JOY;L40
  ,GORDY & ,I LAU<$4
  ,HE 0 AN EXTREMELY WEIRD DUDE4 ,B HE 0
! SM>TE/ P]SON ,I'D "E "KN4 ,HE WD ALW 2
! SM>TE/ P]SON ,I'D "E "KN4
  ,& HE C]TA9LY HELP$ ME "? S*OOL4 ,HE N
ONLY TUTOR$ ME & *ALL5G$ ME1 B HE MADE
ME R1LIZE T H>D "W--T ! ACT ( F9I%+1 (
-PLET+1 ( A3OMPLI%+ A TASK--IS JOY\S4
  ,9 ,WELLP9IT1 ,I 0 A FR1K 2C ,I LOV$
BOOKS4
  ,9 ,RE>DAN1 ,I 0 A JOY\S FR1K4
  ,& MY SI/]1 %E 0 A TRAVEL+ FR1K4
  ,WE 7 ! FR1KIE/ BRO!R & SI/] 9 HI/ORY4

                                    #ABB
























          ,MY ,SI/] ,S5DS ,ME       #ABC
              AN ;,E-MAIL

--,ORIG9AL ,MESSAGE--
,F3 ,M>Y
,S5T3 ,?URS"D1 ,NOVEMB] #AF1 #BJJF #D3DA
  ,,PM
,TO3 ,JUNIOR
,SUBJECT3 ,HI6

,DE> ,JUNIOR3
  ,I LOVE X "H 9 ,MONTANA4 ,X'S B1UTI;L4
,YE/]"D1 ,I RODE A HORSE =! F/ "T4 ,9DI-
ANS / RIDE HORSES 9 ,MONTANA4 ,I'M /
LOOK+ =A JOB4 ,I'VE S5T APPLIC,NS 6ALL !
RE/AURANTS ON ! RES]V,N4 ,YEP1 ! ,FLAT-
H1D ,REZ HAS AB TW5TY RE/AURANTS4 ,X'S
WEIRD4 ,!Y H SIX OR SEV5 T[NS1 TOO4 ,C Y
2LIEVE T8 ,T'S A LOT ( T[NS = "O REZ6 ,&
Y "K :AT'S RE,Y WEIRD8 ,"S (! T[NS ON !
REZ >E FILL$ ) :ITE P4 ,I DON'T "K H[ T
HAPP5$4 ,B ! P :O LIVE 9 ^? :ITE T[NS
DON'T ALW L ,9DIANS M*4 ,"O ( ^? T[NS1
CALL$ ,POLSON1 TRI$ 6SEC$E 7T M1NS QUIT1
,I LOOK$ X UP7 F ! REZ4 ,RE,Y4 ,X 0 L !
,CIVIL ,W>4 ,EV5 ?\< ! T[N IS 9 !   #ABD
MI4LE (! REZ1 ! :ITE FOLKS 9 T T[N DE-
CID$ !Y DIDN'T WANT 6BE A "P (! REZ4
,CRAZY4 ,B MO/ (! P "H >E NICE4 ,! :ITES
& ,9DIANS4 ,& Y "K ! BE/ "P8 ,"!'S ? RE-
,Y GRT HOTEL ": HU2Y & ,I _H \R H"OY-
MOON4 ,X'S ON ,FLATH1D ,LAKE & WE _H A
SUITE1 A HOTEL ROOM ) XS [N SEP>ATE B$-
ROOM6 ,& "! 0 A PH"O 9 ! BA?ROOM6 ,RE,Y6
,I CD H CALL$ Y F ! BA?ROOM4 ,B T'S N
EV5 ! MO/ CRAZY "P4 ,WE DECIDE 6ORD]
ROOM S]VICE1 6H ! FOOD DELIV]$ 6\R ROOM1
& GUESS :AT !Y _H ON ! M5U8 ,9DIAN FRY
BR1D6 ,YEP1 = FIVE DOLL>S1 Y CD GET FRY
BR1D4 ,CRAZY6 ,S ,I ORD]$ UP TWO PIECES4
,I DIDN'T ?9K X WD 2 ANY GD1 ESPECI,Y N
Z GD Z GR&MA'S4 ,B LET ME TELL Y4 ,X 0
GRT4 ,ALM Z GD Z GR&MA'S4 ,& !Y _H ! FRY
BR1D ON ? FANCY PLATE & S ,I ATE X ) ?
FANCY =K & KNIFE4 ,& ,I J KEPT IMAG9+ "!
0 "S ,FLATH1D ,9DIAN GR&MA 9 ! KIT*51 J
MAK+ FRY BR1D = ALL ! ROOM-S]VICE P4 ,X
0 A DR1M -E TRUE6 ,I LOVE MY LIFE6 ,I


LOVE MY HUSB&6 ,I LOVE ,MONTANA6    #ABE
    ,I LOVE Y6
    ,YR SIS1 ,M>Y






















                                    #ABF
























               ,?ANKSGIV+           #ABG

  ,X 0 A SN[.S ,?ANKSGIV+4
  ,WE _H A TURKEY1 & ,MOM COOK$ X P]-
FECTLY4
  ,WE AL _H MA%$ POTATOES1 GRAVY1 GRE5
B1NS1 CORN1 CRANB]RY SAUCE1 & PUMPK9
PIE4 ,X 0 A F1/4
  ,I ALW ?9K X'S FUNNY :5 ,9DIANS CELE-
BRATE ,?ANKSGIV+4 ,I M1N1 SURE1 ! ,9DI-
ANS & ,PILGRIMS 7 BE/ FRS DUR+ T F/
,?ANKSGIV+1 B A FEW YE>S LAT]1 ! ,PIL-
GRIMS 7 %OOT+ ,9DIANS4
  ,S ,I'M N"E Q SURE :Y WE EAT TURKEY L
"EYBODY ELSE4
  8,HEY1 ,DAD10 ,I SD4 8,:AT D ,9DIANS H
6BE S ?ANK;L =80
  8,WE %D GIVE ?ANKS T !Y DIDN'T KILL
ALL ( U40
  ,WE LAU<$ L CRAZY4 ,X 0 A GD "D4 ,DAD
0 SOB]4 ,MOM 0 GETT+ R1DY 6NAP4 ,GR&MA 0
ALR NAPP+4
  ,B ,I MISS$ ,R[DY4 ,I KEPT LOOK+ AT !
DOOR4 ,=! LA/ T5 YE>S1 HE'D ALW -E OV]
6! H\SE 6H A PUMPK9-PIE EAT+ 3TE/ ) ME4
  ,I MISS$ HM4                      #ABH
  ,S ,I DREW A C>TOON ( ,R[DY & ME L WE
US$ 6BE3
      ,',DRAW+ %[S TWO BOYS DRESS$ L
    ,SUP]MAN1 ) CAPES1 GLOVES & BOOTS2
    "O HAS AN ;,R ON 8 *E/ &! O!R AN
    ;,A4 ,": !Y >E T\*+ FI/S LI<TN+ IS
    -+ \4,'
  ,!N ,I PUT ON MY COAT & %OES1 WALK$
OV] 6,R[DY'S H\SE1 & KNOCK$ ON ! DOOR4
  ,R[DY'S DAD1 DRUNK Z USUAL1 OP5$ !
DOOR4
  8,JUNIOR10 HE SD4 8,:AT D Y WANT80
  8,IS ,R[DY HOME80
  8,NOPE40
  8,OH1 WELL1 ,I DREW ? = HM4 ,C Y GIVE
X 6HM80
  ,R[DY'S DAD TOOK ! C>TOON & />$ AT X =
A :ILE4 ,!N HE SMIRK$4
  8,Y'RE K9D ( GAY1 >5'T Y80 HE ASK$4
  ,Y1H1 T 0 ! GUY :O 0 RAIS+ ,R[DY4 ,JE-
SUS1 NO WOND] MY BE/ FR 0 ALW S ANGRY4
  8,C Y J GIVE X 6HM80 ,I ASK$4
  8,Y1H1 ,I'LL GIVE X 6HM4 ,EV5 IF X'S A
LL GAY40
  ,I WANT$ 6CUSS AT HM4 ,I WANT$    #ABI
6TELL HM T ,I ?"\ ,I 0 2+ C\RAGE\S1 & T
,I 0 TRY+ 6FIX MY BROK5 FR%IP ) ,R[DY1 &
T ,I MISS$ HM1 & IF T 0 GAY1 !N OKAY1 ,I
0 ! GAYE/ DUDE 9 ! _W4 ,B ,I DIDN'T SAY
ANY ( T4
  8,OKAY1 ?ANK Y10 ,I SD 9/1D4 8,& ,HAP-
PY ,?ANKSGIV+40
  ,R[DY'S DAD CLOS$ ! DOOR ON ME4 ,I
WALK$ AWAY4 ,B ,I /OPP$ AT ! 5D (!
DRIVEWAY & LOOK$ BACK4 ,I CD SEE ,R[DY 9
! W9D[ ( 8 UP/AIRS B$ROOM4 ,HE 0 HOLD+
MY C>TOON4 ,HE 0 WAT*+ ME WALK AWAY4 ,&
,I CD SEE ! SAD;S 9 8 FACE4 ,I J .KNEW
HE MISS$ ME1 TOO4
  ,I WAV$ AT HM4 ,HE GAVE ME ! F+]4
  8,HEY1 ,R[DY60 ,I %\T$4 8,?ANKS A
LOT60
  ,HE /EPP$ AWAY F ! W9D[4 ,& ,I FELT
SAD =A MO;T4 ,B !N ,I R1LIZ$ T ,R[DY MAY
H FLIPP$ ME (F1 B HE _HN'T TORN UP MY
C>TOON4 ,Z M* Z HE HAT$ ME1 HE PROBABLY
%D H RIPP$ X 6PIECES4 ,T WD H HURT MY
FEEL+S M ?AN J AB ANY?+ ,I C ?9K (4 ,B
,R[DY / RESPECT$ MY C>TOONS4 ,& S MAYBE
HE / RESPECT$ ME A LL BIT4          #ACJ
























              ,HUNG] ,PA9S          #ACA

  ,\R HI/ORY T1*]1 ,MR4 ,%]IDAN1 0 TRY+
6T1* U "S?+ AB ! ,CIVIL ,W>4 ,B HE 0 S
BOR+ & MONOTON\S T HE 0 ONLY T1*+ U H[
6SLEEP ) \R EYES OP54
  ,I _H 6GET \ ( "!1 S ,I RAIS$ MY H&4
  8,:AT IS X1 ,>NOLD80 ! T1*] ASK$4
  8,I H 6G ! BA?ROOM40
  8,HOLD X40
  8,I C'T40
  ,I PUT ON MY BE/ ,IF-,I-,DON'T-,G-,N[-
,I'M-,GO+-,TO-,EXPLODE FACE4
  8,D Y RE,Y H TO80 ! T1*] ASK$4
  ,I DIDN'T H 6G AT F/1 B !N ,I R1LIZ$ T
YES1 ,I DID H 6G4
  8,I H 6G RE,Y BAD10 ,I SD4
  8,ALL "R1 ALL "R1 G1 G40
  ,I H1D$ OV] 6! LIBR>Y BA?ROOMS 2C
!Y'RE USU,Y A LOT CL1N] ?AN ! "OS 0!
LUN*ROOM4
  ,S1 OKAY1 ,I'M GO+ NUMB] TWO1 & ,I'M
SITT+ ON ! TOILET1 & ,I'M 3C5TRAT+4 ,I'M
9 MY ,Z5 MODE1 TRY+ 6MAKE ? :OLE ?+ A
_SUAL EXP]I;E4 ,I R1D ONCE T ,G&HI 0 WAY
96HIS [N NUMB] TWO4 ,I DON'T "K     #ACB
IF HE TOLD =TUNES OR ANY?+4 ,B ,I GUESS
HE ?"\ ! 3DI;N & QUAL;Y ( 8 NUMB] TWO
REV1L$ ! 3DI;N & QUAL;Y ( 8 LIFE4
  ,Y1H1 ,I "K1 ,I PROBABLY R1D TOO _M
BOOKS4
  ,& PROBABLY ,,WAY TOO _M BOOKS AB NUM-
B] TWO4
  ,B X'S ALL IMPORTANT1 OKAY8 ,S ,I F9-
I%1 FLU%1 WA% MY H&S1 & !N />E 9 ! MIR-
ROR & />T POPP+ ZITS4 ,I'M ALL QUIET &
3C5TRAT+ :5 ,I HE> ? WEIRD NOISE -+ F !
O!R SIDE (! WALL4
  ,T'S ! GIRLS' BA?ROOM4
  ,& ,I HE> T WEIRD NOISE AG4
  ,D Y WANT 6"K :AT X S.DS L8
  ,X S.DS L ?3
  ,,>G<HHHHHHHHSSSSSPPPPPPGG<HHHHHH-
AAAAA><HHHHHHHHHAGGG<H6
  ,X S.DS L "SBODY IS VOMIT+4
  ,NOPE4
  ,X S.DS L A #GDG IS L&+ ON A RUNWAY (
VOMIT4
  ,I'M PLANN+ ON H1D+ BACK 6! CLASSROOM
= M SC9TILLAT+ LESSONS F ! HI/ORY T1*]4
,B !N ,I HE> T NOISE AG4            #ACC
  ,,>GG<HHHHHHHS<HSLLLSKSS%HSDKFDJS-
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ6
  ,OKAY1 S "SBODY MI<T H ! FLU OR "S?+4
,MAYBE !Y'RE HAV+1 L1 KIDNEY FAILURE 9
"!4 ,I C'T WALK AWAY4
  ,S ,I KNOCK ON ! DOOR4 ,! GIRLS' BA?-
ROOM DOOR4
  8,HEY10 ,I SAY4 8,>E Y OKAY 9 "!80
  8,G AWAY60
  ,X'S A GIRL1 : MAKES S5SE1 S9CE X IS !
GIRLS' BA?ROOM4
  8,D Y WANT ME 6GET A T1*] OR "S?+80 ,I
ASK "? ! BA?ROOM DOOR4
  8,I SD1 ,,G ,,AWAY60
  ,I'M N DUMB4 ,I C PICK UP ON SUBTLE
CLUES4
  ,S ,I WALK AWAY1 B "S?+ PULLS ME BACK4
,I DON'T "K :AT X IS4 ,IF Y'RE ROMANTIC1
Y MI<T ?9K X 0 DE/9Y4
  ,S DE/9Y & ME L1N AG/ ! WALL & WAIT4
  ,! VOMIT] W EV5TU,Y H 6-E \ (! BA?-
ROOM1 & !N ,I'LL "K T %E'S OKAY4
  ,& PRETTY SOON1 %E DOES -E \4
  ,& X IS ! LOVELY ,P5ELOPE1 & %E'S
*OMP+ H>D ON C9NAMON GUM4 ,%E'D     #ACD
OBVI\SLY TRI$ 6COV] ! SMELL ( VOMIT )!
BI7E/ PIECE ( C9NAMON GUM 9 ! _W4 ,B X
DOESN'T "W4 ,%E J SMELLS L "SBODY VOMIT$
ON A BIG OLD C9NAMON TREE4
  8,:AT >E Y LOOK+ AT80 %E ASKS ME4
  8,I'M LOOK+ AT AN ANOREXIC10 ,I SAY4
  ,A RE,Y ,,HOT ANOREXIC1 ,I WANT 6ADD1
B ,I DON'T4
  8,I'M N ANOREXIC10 %E SAYS4 8,I'M BU-
LIMIC40
  ,%E SAYS X ) H] NOSE & *9 9 ! AIR4 ,%E
GETS ALL >ROGANT4 ,& !N ,I REMEMB] "! >E
A BUN* ( ANOREXICS :O >E ,,PR\D 6BE SK9-
NY & />V$ FR1KS4
  ,!Y ?9K 2+ ANOREXIC MAKES !M SPECIAL1
MAKES !M BETT] ?AN "EYBODY ELSE4 ,!Y H
_! [N FRICK+ ,WEB SITES ": !Y GIVE AD-
VICE ON ! BE/ LAXATIVES & /UFF4
  8,:AT'S ! DI6];E 2T BULIMICS & ANOREX-
ICS80 ,I ASK4
  8,ANOREXICS >E ANOREXICS ALL ! "T10 %E
SAYS4 8,I'M ONLY BULIMIC :5 ,I'M ?R[+
UP40
  ,W[4
  ,,%E ,,S.DS ,,J ,,L ,,MY ,,DAD6   #ACE
      ,DRAW+3 8,I'M ONLY AN ALCOHOLIC :5
    ,I GET DRUNK40 8.,,WTF1 ,DAD860
  ,"! >E ALL K9DS ( A4ICTS1 ,I GUESS4
,WE ALL H PA94 ,& WE ALL LOOK = WAYS TO
MAKE ! PA9 G AWAY4
  ,P5ELOPE GORGES ON H] PA9 & !N ?R[S X
UP & FLU%ES X AWAY4 ,MY DAD DR9KS 8 PA9
AWAY4
  ,S ,I SAY 6,P5ELOPE :AT ,I ALW SAY TO
,DAD :5 HE'S DRUNK & DEPRESS$ & R1DY TO
GIVE UP ON ! _W4
  8,HEY1 ,P5ELOPE10 ,I SAY4 8,DON'T GIVE
UP40
  ,OKAY1 S X'S N ! WISE/ ADVICE 9 ! _W4
,X'S ACTU,Y K9D ( OBVI\S & CORNY4
  ,B ,P5ELOPE />TS CRY+1 TALK+ AB H[
L"OLY %E IS1 & H[ "EYBODY ?9KS H] LIFE
IS P]FECT 2C %E'S PRETTY & SM>T & POPU-
L>1 B T %E'S SC>$ ALL ! "T1 B NOBODY W
LET H] 2 SC>$ 2C %E'S PRETTY & SM>T &
POPUL>4
  ,Y NOTICE T %E M5;N$ H] B1UTY1 9TELLI-
G;E1 & POPUL>;Y TWICE 9 "O S5T;E8
  ,! GIRL HAS AN EGO4
  ,B T'S SEXY1 TOO4                 #ACF
  ,H[ IS X T A BULIMIC GIRL ) VOMIT ON
H] BR1? C SU45LY 2 S SEXY8 ,LOVE & LU/ C
MAKE Y G CRAZY4
      ,DRAW+3 7BOOK COV] ) PICTURE (A
    BOY & GIRL73 ,! ,O!R ,SIDE (! ,F;E4
    ,A /UNN+ PORTRAIT ( "O BOY'S FANTASY
    ''' 8,-PELL+60--,,NY ,"TS4 ,BOY ?9K-
    +3 8,GD GOD604 ,GIRL3 / SMELL+ L C9-
    NAMONY VOMIT4
  ,I SU45LY "U/& H[ MY BIG SI/]1 ,M>Y1
CD H MET A GUY & M>RI$ HM FIVE M9UTES
LAT]4 ,I'M N S MAD AT H] = L1V+ U & MOV+
6,MONTANA4
  ,OV] ! NEXT FEW WEEKS1 ,P5ELOPE & ,I
2COME ! HOT ITEM AT ,RE>DAN ,HI< ,S*OOL4
,WELL1 OKAY1 WE'RE N EXACTLY A ROMANTIC
C\PLE4 ,WE'RE M L FRS ) POT5TIAL4 ,B T'S
/ COOL4
  ,"EYBODY IS ABSOLUTELY %OCK$ T ,P5ELO-
PE *OSE ME 6BE H] NEW FR4 ,I'M N "S UG-
LY1 MUTAT$ B1/4 ,B ,I AM AN ABSOLUTE
/RANG] AT ! S*OOL4
  ,& ,I AM AN ,9DIAN4
  ,& ,P5ELOPE'S "F1 ,E>L1 IS A RACI/4
  ,! F/ "T ,I MEET HM1 HE SD1       #ACG
8,KID1 Y BETT] KEEP YR H&S \ ( MY DAU<-
T]'S PANTIES4 ,%E'S ONLY DAT+ Y 2C %E
"KS X W PISS ME (F4 ,S ,I A9'T GO+ 6GET
PISS$4 ,& IF ,I A9'T PISS$ !N %E'LL /OP
DAT+ Y4 ,9 ! M1N"T1 Y J KEEP YR TR\S]
SNAKE 9 YR TR\S]S & ,I WON'T H 6PUN* Y 9
! /OMA*40
  ,& !N Y "K :AT HE SD 6ME AF T8
  8,KID1 IF Y GET MY DAU<T] PREGNANT1 IF
Y MAKE "S *>COAL BABIES1 ,I'M GO+ 64[N
H]4 ,I'M GO+ 6KICK H] \ ( MY H\SE & Y'LL
H 6BR+ H] HOME 6YR MOMMY & DA4Y4 ,Y HE>+
ME /RAI<T1 KID8 ,? IS ALL ON Y N[40
  ,YEP1 ,E>L 0 A R1L W9N]4
      ,DRAW+3 ,E>L3 _? #A C&IDATE =!
    ,"F-(-!-,YE> ,AW>D4 8,BLEEEEA?P<60
  ,OKAY1 S ,P5ELOPE & ,I 2CAME ! HOT
TOPIC 2C WE 7 DEFY+ ! GRT & P[];L ,E>L4
  ,&1 Y1H1 Y'RE PROBABLY ?9K+ T ,P5ELOPE
0 DAT+ ME ,,ONLY 2C ,I 0 ! WOR/ POSSI#
*OICE = H]4
  ,%E 0 PROBABLY DAT+ ME ,,ONLY 2C ,I 0
AN ,9DIAN BOY4
  ,&1 OKAY1 S %E 0 ONLY SEMI-DAT+ ME4
,WE HELD H&S ONCE 9 A :ILE & WE     #ACH
KISS$ ONCE OR TWICE1 B T 0 X4
  ,I DON'T "K :AT ,I M1NT 6H]4
  ,I ?9K %E 0 BOR$ ( 2+ ! PRETTIE/1
SM>TE/1 & MO/ POPUL> GIRL 9 ! _W4 ,%E
WANT$ 6GET A LL CRAZY1 Y "K8 ,%E WANT$
6GET A LL SMUDG$4
  ,& ,I 0 ! SMUDGE4
  ,B1 HEY1 ,I 0 K9D ( US+ H]1 TOO4
  ,AF ALL1 ,I SU45LY 2CAME POPUL>4
  ,2C ,P5ELOPE _H PUBLICLY DCLD T ,I 0
CUTE 5 6,,ALM DATE1 ALL (! O!R GIRLS 9
S*OOL DECID$ T ,I 0 CUTE1 TOO4
  ,2C ,I GOT 6HOLD H&S ) ,P5ELOPE1 &
KISS H] GD-BYE :5 %E JUMP$ ON ! S*OOL
BUS 6G HOME1 ALL (! O!R BOYS 9 S*OOL DE-
CID$ T ,I 0 A MAJOR /UD4
  ,EV5 ! T1*]S />T$ PAY+ M ATT5;N 6ME4
  ,I 0 MY/]I\S4
  ,H[ DID ,I1 ! DORKY ,9DIAN GUY1 W9 A
T9Y PIECE ( ,P5ELOPE'S HE>T8
  ,:AT 0 MY SECRET8
  ,I LOOK$ & TALK$ & DR1M$ & WALK$ DI6]-
5TLY ?AN "EYBODY ELSE4
  ,I 0 NEW4
  ,IF Y WANT 6GET ALL BIOLOGICAL1   #ACI
!N Y'D H 6SAY T ,I 0 AN EXCIT+ A4I;N 6!
,RE>DAN G5E POOL4
  ,S1 OKAY1 ^? >E ALL ! OBVI\S R1SONS :Y
,P5ELOPE & ,I 7 FRS4 ,ALL ! %ALL[ REA-
SONS4 ,B :AT AB ! BI7] & BETT] R1SONS8
  8,>NOLD10 %E SD "O "D AF S*OOL1 8,I
HATE ? LL T[N4 ,X'S S SMALL1 TOO SMALL4
,"EY?+ AB X IS SMALL4 ,! P "H H SMALL
ID1S4 ,SMALL DR1MS4 ,!Y ALL WANT 6M>RY
EA* O!R & LIVE "H ="E40
  8,:AT D Y WANT 6D80 ,I ASK$4
  8,I WANT 6L1VE Z SOON Z ,I C4 ,I ?9K
,I 0 BORN )A SUITCASE40
  ,Y1H1 %E TALK$ L T4 ,ALL BIG & GO(Y &
DRAMATIC4 ,I WANT$ 6MAKE FUN ( H]1 B %E
0 S E>NE/4
  8,": D Y WANT 6G80 ,I ASK$4
  8,"EY":4 ,I WANT 6WALK ON ! ,GRT ,WALL
( ,*9A4 ,I WANT 6WALK 6! TOP ( PYRAMIDS
9 ,EGYPT4 ,I WANT 6SWIM 9 E OC1N4 ,I
WANT 6CLIMB ,M.T ,"EE/4 ,I WANT 6G ON AN
,AFRICAN SAF>I4 ,I WANT 6RIDE A DOGSL$ 9
,ANT>CTICA4 ,I WANT ALL ( X4 ,E S+LE
PIECE ( "EY?+40
  ,H] EYES GOT ? /RANGE F>AWAY      #ADJ
LOOK1 L %E'D BE5 HYPNOTIZ$4
  ,I LAU<$4
  8,DON'T LAU< AT ME10 %E SD4
  8,I'M N LAU<+ AT Y10 ,I SD4 8,I'M
LAU<+ AT YR EYES40
  8,T'S ! :OLE PRO#M10 %E SD4 8,NOBODY
TAKES ME S]I\SLY40
  8,WELL1 -E ON1 X'S K9D ( H>D 6TAKE Y
S]I\SLY :5 Y'RE TALK+ AB ! ,GRT ,WALL (
,*9A & ,EGYPT & /UFF4 ,^? >E J BIG GO(Y
DR1MS4 ,!Y'RE N R1L40
  8,!Y'RE R1L 6ME10 %E SD4
  8,:Y DON'T Y QUIT TALK+ 9 DR1MS & TELL
ME :AT Y RE,Y WANT 6D ) YR LIFE10 ,I SD4
8,MAKE X SIMPLE40
  8,I WANT 6G 6,/AN=D & /UDY >*ITEC-
TURE40
  8,W[1 T'S COOL10 ,I SD4 8,B :Y >*ITEC-
TURE80
  8,2C ,I WANT 6BUILD "S?+ B1UTI;L4 ,2C
,I WANT 6BE REMEMB]$40
  ,& ,I CDN'T MAKE FUN ( H] = T DR1M4 ,X
0 MY DR1M1 TOO4 ,& ,9DIAN BOYS W]5'T
SUPPOS$ 6DR1M L T4 ,& :ITE GIRLS F SMALL
T[NS W]5'T SUPPOS$ 6DR1M BIG1 EI4   #ADA
  ,WE 7 SUPPOS$ 6BE HAPPY ) \R LIMIT,NS4
,B "! 0 NO WAY ,P5ELOPE & ,I 7 GO+ 6SIT
/4 ,NOPE1 WE BO? WANT$ 6FLY3
      ,DRAW+3 7BIRD7 ,! ANCILL>Y TAIL
    F1!RS (! ,AU/RALIAN TUFT$ ,>NELOPE
    MAKES ? BIRD P]FECTLY SUIT$ 6L;G-
    4T.E FLY+ AT GRT ALTITUDES4
  8,Y "K10 ,I SD4 8,I ?9K X'S WAY COOL T
Y WANT 6TRAVEL ! _W4 ,B Y WON'T EV5 MAKE
X HALFWAY IF Y DON'T EAT 5\<40
  ,%E 0 9 PA9 & ,I LOV$ H]1 SORT ( LOV$
H]1 ,I GUESS1 S ,I K9D ( _H 6LOVE H]
PA91 TOO4
  ,MO/LY ,I LOV$ 6LOOK AT H]4 ,I GUESS
T'S :AT BOYS D1 "R8 ,& M54 ,WE LOOK AT
GIRLS & WOM54 ,WE ./>E AT !M4 ,& ? IS
:AT ,I SAW :5 ,I />$ AT ,P5ELOPE3
      ,DRAW+3 ,P5ELOPE 9 H] DAD'S OLD
    HAT4
  ,0 X WR;G 6/>E S M*8 ,0 X ROMANTIC AT
ALL8 ,I DON'T "K4 ,B ,I CDN'T HELP MYF4
  ,MAYBE ,I DON'T "K ANY?+ AB ROM.E1 B
,I "K A LL BIT AB B1UTY4
  ,&1 MAN1 ,P5ELOPE 0 CRAZY B1UTI;L4
  ,C Y BLAME ME = />+ AT H] ALL     #ADB
"D L;G8























        ,R[DY ,GIVES ,ME ,ADVICE    #ADC
               ,AB ,LOVE

  ,H Y "E WAT*$ A B1UTI;L WOMAN PLAY
VOLLEYBALL8
  ,YE/]"D1 DUR+ A GAME1 ,P5ELOPE 0 S]V+
! BALL & ,I WAT*$ H] L %E 0 A "W ( >T4
  ,%E 0 WE>+ A :ITE %IRT & :ITE %ORTS1 &
,I CD SEE ! \TL9ES ( H] :ITE BRA & :ITE
PANTIES4
  ,H] SK9 0 PALE :ITE4 ,MILKY :ITE4
,CL\D :ITE4
  ,S %E 0 ALL :ITE ON :ITE ON :ITE1 L !
MO/ P]FECT K9D ( VANILLA DESS]T CAKE
Y'VE "E SE54
  ,I WANT$ 6BE H] *OCOLATE TOPP+4
  ,%E 0 S]V+ AG/ ! M1N GIRLS F ,DAV5PORT
,LADY ,GORILLAS4 ,Y1H1 Y R1D T CORRECT-
LY4 ,!Y WILL+LY CALL$ !MVS ! ,LADY ,GO-
RILLAS4 ,& !Y PLAY$ L SUP]/R;G PRIMATES1
TOO4 ,P5ELOPE & H] T1MMATES 7 GETT+
KILL$4 ,! SCORE 0 L #AB 6#J 9 ! F/ SET4
  ,B ,I DIDN'T C>E4
  ,I J WANT$ 6WAT* ! SW1TY ,P5ELOPE SW1T
H] P]FECT SW1T ON T P]FECTLY SW1TY "D4
  ,%E /OOD AT ! S]VICE L9E1 B\NC$   #ADD
! VOLLEYBALL A FEW "TS 6GET H] RHY?M1 !N
TOSS$ X 96! AIR ABV H] H1D4
  ,%E TRACK$ ! BALL ) H] BLUE EYES4 ,J
WAT*$ X 9T5SELY4 ,L T VOLLEYBALL MATT]$
M ?AN ANY?+ ELSE 9 ! _W4 ,I GOT J1L\S (
T BALL4 ,I WI%$ ,I 7 T BALL4
  ,Z ! BALL FLOAT$ 9 ! AIR1 ,P5ELOPE
TWI/$ H] HIPS & BACK & SWUNG H] "R >M
BACK OV] H] %\LD]1 COIL+ L A RE,Y PRETTY
SNAKE4 ,H] LEG MUSCLES 7 /RET*$ & TAUT4
  ,I ALM FA9T$ :5 %E S]V$4 ,US+ ALL ( T
TWI/+ & FLEX+ & 3C5TR,N1 %E SMA%$ ! BALL
& AC$ ! ,LADY ,GORILLAS4
  ,& !N ,P5ELOPE CL5*$ A FI/ & %\T$1
8,YES60
  ,ABSOLUTELY GORGE\S4
  ,EV5 ?\< ,I DIDN'T ?9K ,I'D "E HE>
BACK1 ,I WANT$ 6"K :AT 6D ) MY FEEL+S1 S
,I WALK$ OV] 6! -PUT] LAB & ;E-MAIL$
,R[DY4 ,HE'S _H ! SAME A4RESS = FIVE
YE>S4
  8,HEY1 ,R[DY10 ,I WROTE4 8,I'M 9 LOVE
)A :ITE GIRL4 ,:AT %D ,I D80
  ,A FEW M9UTES LAT]1 ,R[DY WROTE BACK4
  8,HEY1 ,ASSHOLE10 ,R[DY WROTE     #ADE
BACK4 8,I'M SICK ( ,9DIAN GUYS :O TR1T
:ITE WOM5 L B[L+ TROPHIES4 ,GET A LIFE40
  ,WELL1 T DIDN'T D ME ANY GD4 ,S ,I
ASK$ ,GORDY :AT ,I %D D AB ,P5ELOPE4
  8,I'M AN ,9DIAN BOY10 ,I SD4 8,H[ C ,I
GET A :ITE GIRL 6LOVE ME80
  8,LET ME D "S RESE>* ON T10 ,GORDY SD4
  ,A FEW "DS LAT]1 HE GAVE ME A BRIEF
REPORT4
  8,HEY1 ,>NOLD10 HE SD4 8,I LOOK$ UP
,8IN LOVE )A :ITE GIRL0' ON ,GOOGLE &
F.D AN >TICLE AB T :ITE GIRL "ND ,CYN?IA
:O 4APPE>$ 9 ,MEXICO LA/ SUMM]4 ,Y RE-
MEMB] H[ H] FACE 0 ALL OV] ! PAP]S &
"EYBODY SD X 0 S* A SAD ?+80
  8,I K9DA REMEMB]10 ,I SD4
  8,WELL1 ? >TICLE SD T OV] TWO HUNDR$
,MEXICAN GIRLS H 4APPE>$ 9 ! LA/ ?REE
YE>S 9 T SAME "P (! C.TRY4 ,& NOBODY
SAYS M* AB T4 ,& T'S RACI/4 ,! GUY :O
WROTE ! >TICLE SAYS P C>E M AB B1UTI;L
:ITE GIRLS ?AN !Y D AB "EYBODY ELSE ON !
PLANET4 ,:ITE GIRLS >E PRIVILEG$4 ,!Y'RE
DAMSELS 9 4TRESS40
  8,S :AT DOES T M1N80 ,I ASK$4     #ADF
  8,I ?9K X M1NS Y'RE J A RACI/ ASSHOLE
L "EYBODY ELSE40
  ,W[4
  ,9 8 [N WAY1 ,GORDY ! BOOKWORM 0 J Z
T\< Z ,R[DY4



















            ,D.E1 ,D.E1 ,D.E        #ADG

  ,TRAVEL+ 2T ,RE>DAN & ,WELLP9IT1 2T !
LL :ITE T[N &! RES]V,N1 ,I ALW FELT L A
/RANG]4
  ,I 0 HALF ,9DIAN 9 "O PLACE & HALF
:ITE 9 ! O!R4
  ,X 0 L 2+ ,9DIAN 0 MY JOB1 B X 0 ONLY
A "P-"T JOB4 ,& X DIDN'T PAY WELL AT
ALL4
  ,! ONLY P]SON :O MADE ME FEEL GRT ALL
! "T 0 ,P5ELOPE4
  ,WELL1 ,I %DN'T SAY T4
  ,I M1N1 MY "M & "F 7 "W+ H>D = ME1
TOO4 ,!Y 7 3/ANTLY SCRAP+ TGR 5 M"OY TO
PAY = GAS1 6GET ME LUN* M"OY1 6BUY ME A
NEW PAIR ( J1NS &A FEW NEW %IRTS4
  ,MY P>5TS GAVE ME J 5 M"OY S T ,I CD
PRET5D 6H M M"OY ?AN ,I DID4
  ,I LI$ AB H[ POOR ,I WAS4
  ,"EYBODY 9 ,RE>DAN ASSUM$ WE ,SPOKANES
MADE LOTS ( M"OY 2C WE _H A CAS9O4 ,B T
CAS9O1 MISMANAG$ & TOO F> AWAY F MAJOR
HI<WAYS1 0 A M"OY-LOS+ BUSI;S4 ,9 ORD]
6MAKE M"OY F ! CAS9O1 Y _H 6"W AT !
CAS9O4                              #ADH
  ,& :ITE P "EY": H ALW 2LIEV$ T ! GOV-
]N;T J GIVES M"OY 6,9DIANS4
  ,& S9CE ! KIDS & P>5TS AT ,RE>DAN ?"\
,I _H A LOT ( M"OY1 ,I DID NO?+ 6*ANGE
_! M9DS4 ,I FIGUR$ X WDN'T D ME ANY GD
IF !Y KNEW ,I 0 DIRT POOR4
  ,:AT WD !Y ?9K ( ME IF !Y KNEW ,I "S-
"TS _H 6HIT*HIKE 6S*OOL8
  ,Y1H1 S ,I PRET5D$ 6H A LL M"OY4 ,I
PRET5D$ 6BE MI4LE CLASS4 ,I PRET5D$ ,I
2L;G$4
  ,NOBODY KNEW ! TRU?4
  ,( C\RSE1 Y C'T LIE ="E4 ,LIES H %ORT
%ELF LIVES4 ,LIES G BAD4 ,LIES ROT & /9K
UP ! JO9T4
  ,9 ,DECEMB]1 ,I TOOK ,P5ELOPE 6! ,W9T]
,=MAL4 ,! ?+ IS1 ,I ONLY _H FIVE DOLL>S1
N NE>LY 5 6PAY = ANY?+--N = PHOTOS1 N =
FOOD1 N = GAS1 N =A HOT DOG & SODA POP4
,IF X _H BE5 ANY O!R D.E1 A REGUL> D.E1
,I WD H /AY$ HOME ) AN IMAG9>Y ILL;S4 ,B
,I CDN'T SKIP ,W9T] ,=MAL4 ,& IF ,I
DIDN'T TAKE ,P5ELOPE !N %E WD H C]TA9LY
G"O ) "SBODY ELSE4
      ,C>TOON3 ,H[ 6,PRET5D ,Y'RE   #ADI
    ,N ,POOR
    ,NO LUN* M"OY8 8,I'M N HUNGRY ANYWAY
      '''0
    ,FIELD TRIP8 ,S*OOL D.E8 8,I C'T
      MAKE X ''' Y1H1 ,I'M RE,Y SICK '''
      C\< C\< '''0
    ,BAKE SALE8 8,LOOKS YUMMY B ,,NATIVE
      ,,AM]ICANS >E ALL]GIC 6SUG> '''0
    ,"EY"O HAS ! LATE/ I,POD8 8,I'M
      ,,OLD ,,S*OOL40
    ,A GD ALL-PURPOSE EXCUSE3 8,"!'S ?
      ,,9DIAN ,,C]EMONY AT HOME '''0
      8,AW1 MAN1 WE'LL MISS Y '''0
  ,2C ,I DIDN'T H M"OY = GAS1 & 2C ,I
CDN'T H DRIV5 ! C> IF ,I WANT$ TO1 & 2C
,I DIDN'T WANT 6D\# DATE1 ,I TOLD ,P5EL-
OPE ,I'D MEET H] AT ! GYM =! D.E4 ,%E
WASN'T TOO HAPPY AB T4
  ,B ! WOR/ ?+ IS T ,I _H 6WE> "O (
,DAD'S OLD SUITS3
      ,DRAW+3 ,,ME Z UN9T5;NAL ,,4CO
    ,,FR1K2 RU/-COLOR$ ,,POLYE/] 7DE-
    LI<T;LLY SCRAT*Y & HOT72 NOTE3 TIE
    HAS POLKA DOTS ,,& /RIPES2 BELL
    BOTTOMS 7( C\RSE72 ,DAD B"\ ?   #AEJ
    SUIT 9 ! #AIGJ'S4
  ,I 0 WORRI$ T P WD MAKE FUN ( ME1 "R8
,& !Y PROBABLY WD H IF ,P5ELOPE _HN'T
IMMLY SQU1L$ ) DELI<T :5 %E F/ SAW ME
WALK 96! GYM4
  8,OH1 MY1 ,GOD60 %E YELL$ = "EYBODY TO
HE>4 8,T SUIT IS S B1UTI;L4 ,X'S S RET-
ROACTIVE4 ,X'S S RETROACTIVE T X'S RADI-
OACTIVE60
  ,& E DUDE 9 ! JO9T IMMLY WI%$ HE'D
WORN 8 "F'S LAME POLYE/] SUIT4
  ,& ,I IMAG9$ T E GIRL 0 IMMLY BR1?.S &
HORNY AT ! SI<T ( MY BELL-BOTTOM SLACKS4
  ,S1 DRUNK ) MY SU45 P[]1 ,I PULL$ (F
"S LAME 4CO D.E MOVES T S5T ! PLACE 9TO
HY/]ICS4
  ,EV5 ,ROG]1 ! HUGE DUDE ,I'D PUN*$ 9 !
FACE1 0 SU45LY MY BU4Y4
  ,P5ELOPE & ,I 7 S HAPPY 6BE ALIVE1 & S
HAPPY 6BE ALIVE ,,TGR1 EV5 IF WE 7 ONLY
A SEMI-HOT ITEM1 & WE D.ED E S+LE D.E4
  ,N9ETE5 D.ES2 N9ETE5 S;GS4
  ,TWELVE FA/ S;GS2 SEV5 SL[ "OS4
  ,ELEV5 C.TRY HITS2 FIVE ROCK S;GS2
?REE HIP-HOP TUNES4                 #AEA
  ,X 0 ! BE/ NI<T ( MY LIFE4
  ,( C\RSE1 ,I 0 A SW1TY MESS 9SIDE T
HOT POLYE/] SUIT4
  ,B X DIDN'T MATT]4 ,P5ELOPE ?"\ ,I 0
B1UTI;L & S ,I FELT B1UTI;L4
  ,& !N ! D.E 0 OV]4
  ,! LI<TS FLICK$ ON4
  ,& ,P5ELOPE SU45LY R1LIZ$ WE'D =GOTT5
6GET \R PICTURE TAK5 0! PROFES.NAL DUDE4
  8,OH MY ,GOD60 %E YELL$4 8,WE =GOT TO
GET \R PICTURE TAK56 ,T SUCKS60
  ,%E 0 SAD =A MO;T1 B !N %E R1LIZ$ T
%E'D _H S M* FUN T A PHOTOGRAPH (! EV5+
0 -PLETELY 2S ! PO9T4 ,A PHOTOGRAPH WD 2
J A LAME S\V5IR4
  ,I 0 -PLETELY RELIEV$ T WE'D =GOTT54
,I WDN'T H BE5 A# 6PAY =! PHOTOGRAPHS4
,I KNEW T4 ,& ,I'D REHE>S$ A SPEE* AB
LOS+ MY WALLET4
  ,I'D MADE X "? ! EV5+ )\T REV1L+ MY
POV]TY4
  ,I FIGUR$ ,I'D WALK ,P5ELOPE \ 6! P>K+
LOT1 ": H] DAD 0 WAIT+ 9 8 C>4 ,I'D GIVE
H] A SWEET LL KISS ON ! *EEK 72C H] DAD
WD H %OT ME IF ,I'D GIV5 H] !       #AEB
T;GUE :ILE HE WAT*$74 ,& !N ,I'D WAVE
GDBYE Z !Y DROVE AWAY4 ,& !N ,I'D WAIT 9
! P>K+ LOT UNTIL "EYBODY 0 G"O4 ,& !N
,I'D />T ! WALK HOME 9 ! D>K4 ,X 0 A
,SATUR"D1 S ,I KNEW "S RES]V,N FAMILY WD
2 RETURN+ HOME F ,SPOKANE4 ,& ,I KNEW
!Y'D SEE ME & PICK ME UP4
  ,T 0 ! PLAN4
  ,B ?+S *ANG$4 ,Z ?+S ALW *ANGE4
  ,ROG] &A FEW (! O!R DUDES1 ! POPUL>
GUYS1 DECID$ !Y 7 GO+ 6DRIVE 96,SPOKANE
& H PANCAKES AT "S TW5TY-F\R-H\R D9]4 ,X
0 SU45LY ! COOLE/ IDEA 9 ! _W4
  ,X 0 ALL S5IORS & JUNIORS1 UPP]CLASS-
M51 :O 7 GO+ TGR4
  ,B ,P5ELOPE 0 S POPUL>1 ESPECI,Y =A
FRE%MAN1 & ,I 0 POPUL> 0ASSOCI,N1 EV5 Z
A FRE%MAN1 TOO1 T ,ROG] 9VIT$ U 6-E
AL;G4
  ,P5ELOPE 0 EC/ATIC AB ! IDEA4
  ,I 0 SICK 6MY /OMA*4
  ,I _H FIVE BUCKS 9 MY POCKET4 ,:AT CD
,I BUY ) T8 ,MAYBE "O PLATE ( PANCAKES4
,MAYBE4
  ,I 0 DOOM$4                       #AEC
      ,DRAW+3 ,! ,PANCAKES ( ,DOOM2 ,!
    ,PLATE ( ,FATE2 ! BUTT] ( %AME2 ,!
    ,SYRUP ( ,REGRET
  8,:AT D Y SAY1 ,>NIE80 ,ROG] ASK$4 8,Y
WANT 6-E C>BO-LOAD ) U80
  8,:AT D Y WANT 6D1 ,P5ELOPE80 ,I ASK$4
  8,OH1 ,I WANT 6G1 ,I WANT 6G10 %E SD4
8,LET ME G ASK ,DA4Y40
  ,OH1 MAN1 ,I SAW MY ONLY ESCAPE4 ,I CD
ONLY HOPE T ,E>L WDN'T LET H] G4 ,ONLY
,E>L CD SAVE ME N[4
  ,I 0 C.T+ ON ,E>L6 ,T'S H[ BAD MY LIFE
0 AT T "PICUL> MO;T6
  ,P5ELOPE SKIPP$ OV] T[>D H] "F'S C>4
  8,HEY1 ,P5ULTIMATE10 ,ROG] SD4 8,I'LL
G ) Y4 ,I'LL TELL ,E>L Y GUYS >E RID+ )
ME4 ,& ,I'LL DRIVE Y GUYS HOME40
  ,ROG]'S NICK"N = ,P5ELOPE 0 ,P5ULTI-
MATE4 ,X 0 MAYBE ! BI7E/ ^W HE KNEW4 ,I
HAT$ T HE _H A NICK"N = H]4 ,& Z !Y
WALK$ TGR T[>D ,E>L1 ,I R1LIZ$ T ,ROG] &
,P5ELOPE LOOK$ GD TGR4 ,!Y LOOK$ NATU-
RAL4 ,!Y LOOK$ L !Y %D 2 A C\PLE4
  ,& AF !Y ALL F.D \ ,I 0 A POOR-ASS
,9DIAN1 ,I KNEW !Y WD 2 A C\PLE4    #AED
  ,-E ON1 ,E>L6 ,-E ON1 ,E>L6 ,BR1K YR
DAU<T]'S HE>T6
  ,B ,E>L LOV$ ,ROG]4 ,E DAD LOV$ ,ROG]4
,HE 0 ! BE/ FOOTBALL PLAY] !Y'D "E SE54
,( C\RSE !Y LOV$ HM4 ,X WD H BE5 UN-
,AM]ICAN N 6LOVE ! BE/ FOOTBALL PLAY]4
  ,I IMAG9$ T ,E>L SD 8 DAU<T] CD G ONLY
IF ,ROG] GOT 8 H&S 96H] PANTIES 9/1D (
ME4
  ,I 0 ANGRY & J1L\S & ABSOLUTELY T]RI-
FI$4
  8,I C G6 ,I C G60 ,P5ELOPE SD1 RAN
BACK 6ME1 & HU7$ ME H>D4
  ,AN H\R LAT]1 AB TW5TY ( U 7 SITT+ 9 A
,D5NY'S 9 ,SPOKANE4
  ,"EYBODY ORD]$ PANCAKES4
  ,I ORD]$ PANCAKES = ,P5ELOPE & ME4 ,I
ORD]$ ORANGE JUICE & C(FEE &A SIDE ORD]
( TOA/ & HOT *OCOLATE & ,FR5* FRIES1
TOO1 EV5 ?\< ,I KNEW ,I WDN'T 2 A# 6PAY
= ANY ( X4
  ,I FIGUR$ X 0 MY LA/ M1L 2F MY EXECU-
;N1 & ,I 0 GO+ 6H A F1/4
  ,HALFWAY "? \R M1L1 ,I W5T 6! BA?ROOM4
  ,I ?"\ MAYBE ,I 0 GO+ 6?R[ UP1    #AEE
S ,I KNEEL$ AT ! TOILET4 ,B ,I ONLY
RET*$ A BIT4
  ,ROG] CAME 96! BA?ROOM & HE>D ME4
  8,HEY1 ,>NIE10 HE SD4 8,>E Y OKAY80
  8,Y1H10 ,I SD4 8,I'M J TIR$40
  8,ALL "R1 MAN10 HE SD4 8,I'M HAPPY Y
GUYS CAME TN4 ,Y & ,P5ULTIMATE >E A GRT
C\PLE1 MAN40
  8,Y ?9K S80
  8,Y1H1 H Y D"O H] YET80
  8,I DON'T RE,Y WANT 6TALK AB T /UFF40
  8,Y1H1 Y'RE "R1 DUDE4 ,X'S N"O ( MY
BUSI;S4 ,HEY1 MAN1 >E Y GO+ 6TRY \ =
BASKETBALL80
  ,I KNEW T PRACTICE />T$ 9 A WEEK4 ,I'D
PLANN$ ON PLAY+4 ,B ,I DIDN'T "K IF !
,COA* LIK$ ,9DIANS OR N4
  8,Y1H10 ,I SD4
  8,>E Y ANY GD80
  8,I'M OKAY40
  8,Y ?9K Y'RE GD 5 6PLAY V>S;Y80 ,ROG]
ASK$4
  8,NO WAY10 ,I SD4 8,I'M JUNIOR V>S;Y
ALL ! WAY40
  8,ALL "R10 ,ROG] SD4 8,X W 2 GD   #AEF
6H Y \ "!4 ,WE NE$ "S NEW BLOOD40
  8,?ANKS1 MAN10 ,I SD4
  ,I CDN'T 2LIEVE HE 0 S NICE4 ,HE WAS1
WELL1 HE 0 ,,POLITE6 ,H[ _M GRT FOOTBALL
PLAY]S >E POLITE8 ,& K9D8 ,& G5]\S L T8
  ,X 0 AMAZ+4
  8,HEY1 LI/510 ,I SD4 8,! R1SON ,I 0
GETT+ SICK 9 "! IS--0
  ,I ?"\ AB TELL+ HM ! :OLE TRU?1 B ,I J
CDN'T4
  8,I BET Y'RE J SICK ) LOVE10 ,ROG] SD4
  8,NO1 WELL1 Y1H1 MAYBE10 ,I SD4 8,B !
?+ IS1 MY /OMA* IS ALL MESS$ UP 2C ,I1
]1 =GOT MY WALLET4 ,I LEFT MY M"OY AT
HOME1 MAN40
  8,DUDE60 ,ROG] SD4 8,MAN1 DON'T SW1T
X4 ,Y %D H SD "S?+ E>LI]4 ,I GOT Y COV-
]$40
  ,HE OP5$ 8 WALLET & H&$ ME =TY BUCKS4
  ,HOLY1 HOLY4
  ,:AT K9D ( KID C J H& OV] =TY BUCKS L
T8
  8,I'LL PAY Y BACK1 MAN10 ,I SD4
  8,:5"E1 MAN1 J H A GD "T1 ALL "R80
  ,HE SLAPP$ ME ON ! BACK AG4 ,HE   #AEG
0 ALW SLAPP+ ME ON ! BACK4
  ,WE WALK$ BACK 6! TA# TGR1 F9I%$ \R
FOOD1 & ,ROG] DROVE ME BACK 6! S*OOL4 ,I
TOLD !M MY DAD 0 GO+ 6PICK ME UP \TSIDE
! GYM4
  8,DUDE10 ,ROG] SD4 8,X'S ?REE 9 !
MORN+40
  8,X'S OKAY10 ,I SD4 8,MY DAD "WS ! SW+
%IFT4 ,HE'S -+ "H /RAI<T F "W40
  8,>E Y SURE80
  8,Y1H1 "EY?+ IS COOL40
  8,I'LL BR+ ,P5ULTIMATE HOME SAFELY1
MAN40
  8,COOL40
  ,S ,P5ELOPE & ,I GOT \ (! C> S WE CD H
A PRIVATE GD-BYE4 ,%E _H LAS] EYES4
  8,ROG] TOLD ME HE L5T Y "S M"OY10 %E
SD4
  8,Y1H10 ,I SD4 8,I =GOT MY WALLET40
  ,H] LAS] EYES GREW HOTT]4
  8,>NOLD80
  8,Y1H80
  8,C ,I ASK Y "S?+ BIG80
  8,Y1H1 ,I GUESS40
  8,>E Y POOR80                     #AEH
      ,C>TOON3 8,>E ,Y ,POOR80 ,POSSI#
    ,RESPONSES3
    #A 8,NO40
    #B 8,YES40
    #C 8,8,PORE80' ,Y M1N1 D ,I H PORES8
      ,YES1 ,I H _M40
    #D 8,WELL ''' POV]TY IS A RELATIVE
      ?+ ''' HI/ORICAL !ORETICIANS BE-
      LIEVE T :5 Y DEF9E A C]TA9 9COME Z
      OPPOS$ 6\TPUT1 /ATI/ICS >E SKEW$
      ''' ,ALL[ ME 6DIGRESS '''0
    #E 8,GASP6 ,,LOOK ,,OV] ,,"!60 7,RUN
      AWAY67
  ,I CDN'T LIE 6H] ANYMORE4
  8,YES10 ,I SD4 8,I'M POOR40
  ,I FIGUR$ %E 0 GO+ 6M>* \ ( MY LIFE "R
!N4 ,B %E DIDN'T4 ,9/1D %E KISS$ ME4 ,ON
! *EEK4 ,I GUESS POOR GUYS DON'T GET
KISS$ ON ! LIPS4 ,I 0 GO+ 6YELL AT H] =
2+ %ALL[4 ,B !N ,I R1LIZ$ T %E 0 2+ MY
FR4 ,2+ A RE,Y GD FR1 9 FACT4 ,%E 0 CON-
C]N$ AB ME4 ,I'D BE5 ?9K+ AB H] BR1/S &
%E'D BE5 ?9K+ AB MY :OLE LIFE4 ,I 0 !
%ALL[ "O4
  8,ROG] 0 ! "O :O GUESS$ Y 7       #AEI
POOR10 %E SD4
  8,OH1 GRT1 N[ HE'S GO+ 6TELL "EYBODY40
  8,HE'S N GO+ 6TELL ANYBODY4 ,ROG]
LIKES Y4 ,HE'S A GRT GUY4 ,HE'S L MY BIG
BRO!R4 ,HE C 2 YR FR1 TOO40
  ,T S.D$ PRETTY GD 6ME4 ,I NE$$ FRS M
?AN ,I NE$$ MY LU/-FILL$ DR1MS4
  8,IS YR ,DAD RE,Y -+ 6PICK Y UP80 %E
ASK$4
  8,YES10 ,I SD4
  8,>E Y TELL+ ! TRU?80
  8,NO10 ,I SD4
  8,H[ W Y GET HOME80 %E ASK$4
  8,MO/ NI<TS1 ,I WALK HOME4 ,I HIT*-
HIKE4 ,"SBODY USU,Y PICKS ME UP4 ,I'VE
ONLY _H 6WALK ! :OLE WAY A FEW "TS40
  ,%E />T$ 6CRY4
  ,,= ,,ME6
  ,:O KNEW T TE>S ( SYMPA?Y CD 2 S SEXY8
  8,OH1 MY ,GOD1 ,>NOLD1 Y C'T D T10 %E
SD4 8,I WON'T LET Y D T4 ,Y'LL FREEZE4
,ROG] W DRIVE Y HOME4 ,HE'LL 2 HAPPY TO
DRIVE Y HOME40
  ,I TRI$ 6/OP H]1 B ,P5ELOPE RAN OV] TO
,ROG]'S C> & TOLD HM ! TRU?4        #AFJ
  ,& ,ROG]1 2+ ( K9D HE>T & G5]\S POCK-
ET1 &A LL BIT RACI/1 DROVE ME HOME T
NI<T4
  ,& HE DROVE ME HOME PL5TY ( O!R NI<TS1
TOO4
  ,IF Y LET P 96YR LIFE A LL BIT1 !Y C 2
PRETTY DAMN AMAZ+4

















        ,DON'T ,TRU/ ,YR ,-PUT]     #AFA

  ,TD AT S*OOL1 ,I 0 RE,Y MISS+ ,R[DY1 S
,I WALK$ OV] 6! -PUT] LAB1 TOOK A DIGIT-
AL PHOTO ( MY SMIL+ FACE1 & ;E-MAIL$ X
6HM4
  ,A FEW M9UTES LAT]1 HE ;E-MAIL$ ME A
DIGITAL PHOTO ( 8 B>E ASS4 ,I DON'T "K
:5 HE SNAPP$ T PIC4
  ,X MADE ME LAU<4
  ,& X MADE ME DEPRESS$1 TOO4
  ,R[DY CD 2 S CRAZY-FUNNY-4GU/+4 ,!
,RE>DAN KIDS 7 S WORRI$ AB GRADES &
SPORTS & ,,_! ,,FUTURES T !Y "S"TS ACT$
L REPRESS$ MI4LE-AG$ BUSI;S DUDES ) CELL
PH"OS /UCK 9 _! SMALL 9TE/9ES4
  ,R[DY 0 ! OPPOSITE ( REPRESS$4 ,HE 0
EXACTLY ! K9D ( KID :O WD ;E-MAIL 8 B>E
ASS 7& B>E "EY?+ ELSE7 6! _W4
  8,HEY10 ,GORDY SD4 8,IS T "SBODY'S
PO/]IOR80
  ,PO/]IOR6 ,DID HE J SAY 8PO/]IOR08
  8,GORDY1 MY MAN10 ,I SD4 8,T IS MO/
DEF9ITELY ,,N A PO/]IOR4 ,T IS A /9KY
ASS4 ,Y C SMELL ! ?+1 EV5 "? ! -PUT]40
  8,^: BUTT IS T80 HE ASK$4         #AFB
  8,AH1 X'S MY BE/ FR1 ,R[DY4 ,WELL1 HE
US$ 6BE MY BE/ FR4 ,HE HATES ME N[40
  8,H[ -E HE HATES Y80 HE ASK$4
  8,2C ,I LEFT ! REZ10 ,I SD4
  8,B Y / LIVE "!1 DON'T Y8 ,Y'RE J GO+
6S*OOL "H40
  8,I "K1 ,I "K1 B "S ,9DIANS ?9K Y H TO
ACT :ITE 6MAKE YR LIFE BETT]4 ,"S ,9DI-
ANS ?9K Y .2COME :ITE IF Y TRY 6MAKE YR
LIFE BETT]1 IF Y 2COME SU3ESS;L40
  8,IF T 7 TRUE1 !N WDN'T ALL :ITE P 2
SU3ESS;L80
  ,MAN1 ,GORDY 0 SM>T4 ,I WI%$ ,I CD
TAKE HM 6! REZ & LET HM $UCATE ,R[DY4 ,(
C\RSE1 ,R[DY WD PROBABLY PUN* ,GORDY UN-
TIL HE 0 BRA9-D1D4 ,OR MAYBE ,R[DY1
,GORDY1 & ,I CD 2COME A SUP]H]O TRIO1
FI<T+ = TRU?1 JU/ICE1 &! ,NATIVE ,AM]I-
CAN WAY4 ,WELL1 OKAY1 ,GORDY 0 :ITE1 B
ANYBODY C />T 6ACT L AN ,9DIAN IF HE
HANGS >.D U L;G 5\<4
  8,! P AT HOME10 ,I SD4 8,A LOT ( !M
CALL ME AN APPLE40
  8,D !Y ?9K Y'RE A FRUIT OR "S?+80 HE
ASK$4                               #AFC
  8,NO1 NO10 ,I SD4 8,!Y CALL ME AN AP-
PLE 2C !Y ?9K ,I'M R$ ON ! \TSIDE & :ITE
ON ! 9SIDE40
  8,AH1 S !Y ?9K Y'RE A TRAITOR40
  8,YEP40
  8,WELL1 LIFE IS A 3/ANT /RU7LE 2T 2+
AN 9DIVIDUAL & 2+ A MEMB] (! -MUN;Y40
  ,C Y 2LIEVE "! IS A KID :O TALKS L T8
,L HE'S ALR A COLLEGE PROFESSOR IMPRESS$
)! S.D ( 8 [N VOICE8
  8,GORDY10 ,I SD4 8,I DON'T "U/& :AT
Y'RE TRY+ 6SAY 6ME40
  8,WELL1 9 ! E>LY "DS ( HUMANS1 ! -MU-
N;Y 0 \R ONLY PROTEC;N AG/ PR$ATORS1 &
AG/ />V,N4 ,WE SURVIV$ 2C WE TRU/$ "O
ANO!R40
  8,S80
  8,S1 BACK 9 ! "D1 WEIRD P ?R1T5$ !
/R5G? (! TRIBE4 ,IF Y W]5'T GD = MAK+
FOOD1 %ELT]1 OR BABIES1 !N Y 7 TOSS$ \
ON YR [N40
  8,B WE'RE N PRIMITIVE L T ANYMORE40
  8,OH1 YES1 WE >E4 ,WEIRD P / GET BAN-
I%$40
  8,Y M1N WEIRD P L ME10 ,I SD4     #AFD
  8,& ME10 ,GORDY SD4
  8,ALL "R1 !N10 ,I SD4 8,S WE H A TRIBE
( TWO40
  ,I _H ! SU45 URGE 6HUG ,GORDY1 & HE _H
! SU45 URGE 6PREV5T ME F HU7+ HM4
  8,DON'T GET S5TI;TAL10 HE SD4
  ,YEP1 EV5 ! WEIRD BOYS >E AFRAID ( _!
EMO;NS4
















        ,MY ,SI/] ,S5DS ,ME A ,LR   #AFE

,DE> ,JUNIOR1

,I AM / LOOK+ =A JOB4 ,!Y KEEP TELL+ ME
,I DON'T H 5 EXP]I;E4 ,B H[ C ,I GET 5
EXP]I;E IF !Y DON'T GIVE ME A *.E 6GET
EXP]I;E8 ,OH1 WELL4 ,I H A LOT ( FREE
"T1 S ,I H />T$ 6WRITE MY LIFE /ORY4
,RE,Y6 ,ISN'T T CRAZY8 ,I ?9K ,I'M GO+
6CALL X ..,H[ ,6,RUN ,AWAY ,F YR ,H\SE
,& ,F9D ,YR .,HOME4

,:AT D Y ?9K8

,TELL "EYBODY ,I LOVE !M & MISS !M6

,LORE1
YR ,BIG ,SIS6

,P4,S4
,& WE MOV$ 96A NEW H\SE4
,X'S ! MO/ GORGE\S PLACE 9 ! _W6
      ,DRAW+3 ,F A PHOTO %E S5T ( H]
    8GORGE\S NEW PLACE40 ,7PICTURE (A
    TRAIL] ) SIGNS ON X1 A =K 6XS   #AFF
    LEFT2 A KNIFE1 SPOON1 & BE] C 6XS
    "R7' ,LOOKS L A ,,TV ,D9N] TRAY4
    ,7SIGNS ON TRAIL]7'3 ,CU/] _H X -+2
    #C DOG NI<T2 ,9DIAN PRIDE2 ,MY O!R
    C> IS A ,,BMW2 ,FRY ,BR1D ,P[]



















             ,RE9DE] ,GAMES         #AFG

  ,I ALM DIDN'T TRY \ =! ,RE>DAN BASKET-
BALL T1M4 ,I J FIGUR$ ,I WASN'T GO+ 6BE
GD 5 6MAKE EV5 ! ;,C SQUAD4 ,& ,I DIDN'T
WANT 6GET CUT F ! T1M4 ,I DIDN'T ?9K ,I
CD LIVE "? T HUMILI,N4
  ,B MY DAD *ANG$ MY M9D4
  8,D Y "K AB ! F/ "T ,I MET YR "M80 HE
ASK$4
  8,Y'RE BO? F ! REZ10 ,I SD4 8,S X 0 ON
! REZ4 ,BIG DUH40
  8,B ,I ONLY MOV$ 6? REZ :5 ,I 0 FIVE
YE>S OLD40
  8,S40
  8,S YR "M IS EI<T YE>S OLD] ?AN ME40
  8,& "!'S A "PRIDGE 9 ! PE> TREE4 ,GET
6! PO9T1 ,DAD40
  8,YR "M 0 ?IRTE5 & ,I 0 FIVE :5 WE F/
MET4 ,& GUESS H[ WE F/ MET80
  8,H[80
  8,%E HELP$ ME GET A DR9K F A WAT] F\N-
TA940
  8,WELL1 T J SEEMS SORT ( GROSS10 ,I
SD4
  8,I 0 T9Y10 ,DAD SD4 8,& %E       #AFH
BOO/$ ME UP S ,I CD GET A DR9K4 ,& IMAG-
9E1 ALL ^! YE>S LAT] & WE'RE M>RI$ & H
TWO KIDS40
  8,:AT DOES ? H 6D ) BASKETBALL80
  8,Y H 6DR1M BIG 6GET BIG40
  8,T'S PRETTY DANG OPTIMI/IC = Y1
,DAD40
  8,WELL1 Y "K1 YR "M HELP$ ME GET A
DR9K F ! WAT] F.TA9 LA/ NI<T1 IF Y "K
:AT ,I M1N40
  ,& ALL ,I CD SAY 6MY "F WAS1
8,EWWWWWWWWWW40
  ,T'S "O M ?+ P DON'T "K AB ,9DIANS3 WE
LOVE 6TALK DIRTY4
  ,ANYWAY1 ,I SIGN$ UP = BASKETBALL4
  ,ON ! F/ "D ( PRACTICE1 ,I /EPP$ ONTO
! C\RT & FELT %ORT1 SK9NY1 & SL[4
  ,ALL (! :ITE BOYS 7 GD4 ,"S 7 GRT4
  ,I M1N1 "! 7 "S GUYS :O 7 #F FOOT #F &
#F FOOT #G4
  ,ROG] ! ,GIANT 0 /R;G & FA/ & CD DUNK4
  ,I TRI$ 6/AY \ ( WAY4 ,I FIGUR$ ,I'D
DIE IF HE RAN ME OV]4 ,B HE J SMIL$ ALL
! "T1 PLAY$ H>D1 & SLAPP$ ME H>D ON !
BACK4                               #AFI
  ,WE ALL %OT BASKETBALLS =A :ILE4 ,& !N
,COA* /EPP$ ONTO ! C\RT4
      ,DRAW+3 ,COA*4 VOICE L ,?OR3
     8,,LI/5 ,,UP40 #E FEET TALL .MAYBE2
     ,,SK9NY66 #B@3P BODY FAT62 ,,HUGE
     LIPS2 ,,SKOAL 7LUMP 9 *EEK72 7ON
     %IRT7 ,,/A9S ,,( ,,9DET]M9ATE ,,OR-
     IG93 KET*UP8 B>BEQUE SAUCE8 ANTI-
     FREEZE82 SAME %ORTS1 REG>D.S ( W1?-
     ]2 HAIR.S OLD-MAN LEGS
  ,=TY KIDS ,,IMMLY /OPP$ B\NC+ & %OOT+
& TALK+4 ,WE 7 SIL5T1 ,,SNAP1 J L T4
  8,I WANT 6?ANK Y ALL = -+ \ TD10 ,COA*
SD4 8,"! >E =TY ( Y4 ,B WE ONLY H ROOM =
TWELVE ON ! V>S;Y & TWELVE ON ! JUNIOR
V>S;Y40
  ,I KNEW ,I WDN'T MAKE ^? T1MS4 ,I 0
;,C SQUAD MAT]IAL1 = SURE4
  8,IN O!R YE>S1 WE'VE AL _H A TWELVE-
MAN ;,C SQUAD10 ,COA* SD4 8,B WE DON'T H
! BUDGET = X ? YE>4 ,T M1NS ,I'M GO+ 6H
6CUT SIXTE5 PLAY]S TD40
  ,TW5TY BOYS PU6$ UP _! *E/S4 ,!Y KNEW
!Y 7 GD 5 6MAKE EI ! V>S;Y OR ! JUNIOR
V>S;Y4                              #AGJ
  ,! O!R TW5TY %OOK _! H1DS4 ,WE KNEW WE
7 CUTTA#4
  8,I RE,Y HATE 6D ?10 ,COA* SD4 8,IF X
7 UP 6ME1 ,I'D KEEP "EYBODY4 ,B X'S N UP
6ME4 ,S WE'RE J GO+ 6H 6D \R BE/ "H1
OKAY8 ,Y PLAY ) DIGN;Y & RESPECT1 &
,I'LL TR1T Y ) DIGN;Y & RESPECT1 NO MAT-
T] :AT HAPP5S1 OKAY80
  ,WE ALL AGRE$ 6T4
  8,OKAY1 LET'S GET />T$10 ,COA* SD4
  ,! F/ DRILL 0 A M>A?ON4 ,WELL1 N EX-
ACTLY A M>A?ON4 ,WE _H 6RUN "O HUNDR$
LAPS >.D ! GYM4 ,S =TY ( U RAN4
  ,& ?IRTY-SIX ( U F9I%$4
  ,AF FIFTY LAPS1 "O GUY QUIT1 & S9CE
QUITT+ IS 3TAGI\S1 ?REE O!R BOYS CAU<T !
41SE & WALK$ (F ! C\RT1 TOO4
  ,I DIDN'T "U/&4 ,:Y WD Y TRY \ =A BAS-
KETBALL T1M IF Y DIDN'T WANT 6RUN8
  ,I DIDN'T M9D4 ,AF ALL1 T M1NT ONLY
TWELVE M GUYS _H 6BE CUT4 ,I ONLY _H 6BE
BETT] ?AN TWELVE O!R GUYS4
  ,WELL1 WE 7 GD & TIR$ AF T RUN4
  ,& !N ,COA* IMMLY _H U PLAY+ FULL-C\RT
"O-ON-"O4                           #AGA
  ,T'S "R4
  ,,FULL-C\RT ,,"O-ON-"O4
  ,T 0 TORTURE4
  ,COA* DIDN'T BR1K X D[N 0POSI;N4 ,S QK
GU>DS _H 6GU>D P[] =W>DS1 & VICE V]SA4
,S5IORS _H 6GU>D FRE%M51 & VICE V]SA4
,ALL-/>S _H 6GU>D LOS]S L ME1 & VICE V]-
SA4
  ,COA* ?REW ME ! BALL & SD1 8,G40
  ,S ,I TURN$ & DRIB#D /RAI<T D[N !
C\RT4
  ,A MISTAKE4
  ,ROG] EASILY POK$ ! BALL AWAY & RAC$
D[N T[>D 8 BASKET4
  ,A%AM$1 ,I 0 FROZ54
  8,:AT >E Y WAIT+ =80 ,COA* ASK$ ME4
8,PLAY "S ;,D40
  ,AWAKE1 ,I RAN AF ,ROG]1 B HE DUNK$ X
2F ,I 0 EV5 CLOSE4
  8,G AG10 ,COA* SD4
  ,? "T1 ,ROG] TRI$ 6DRIB# D[N ! C\RT4
,& ,I PLAY$ DEF5SE4 ,I CR\*$ D[N L[1
SPR1D MY >MS & LEGS HI< & WIDE1 & GRITT$
MY TEE?4
  ,& !N ,ROG] RAN ME OV]4 ,J S5T    #AGB
ME SPRAWL+4
  ,HE RAC$ D[N & DUNK$ X AG :ILE ,I LAY
/ ON ! FLOOR4
  ,COA* WALK$ OV] & LOOK$ D[N AT ME4
  8,:AT'S YR "N1 KID80 HE ASK$4
  8,>NOLD10 ,I SD4
  8,Y'RE F ! RES]V,N80
  8,YES40
  8,DID Y PLAY BASKETBALL UP "!80
  8,YES4 ,=! EI<?-GRADE T1M40
  ,COA* /UDI$ MY FACE4
  8,I REMEMB] Y10 HE SD4 8,Y 7 A GD
%OOT]40
  8,Y1H10 ,I SD4
  ,COA* /UDI$ MY FACE "S M1 Z IF HE 7
SE>*+ = "S?+4
  8,ROG] IS A BIG KID10 HE SD4
  8,HE'S HUGE10 ,I SD4
  8,Y WANT 6TAKE HM ON AG8 ,OR D Y NE$ A
BR1K80
  ,N9ETY P]C5T ( ME WANT$ 6TAKE ! BR1K4
,B ,I KNEW IF ,I TOOK T BR1K ,I WD N"E
MAKE ! T1M4
  8,I'LL TAKE HM ON AG10 ,I SD4
  ,COA* SMIL$4                      #AGC
  8,ALL "R1 ,ROG]10 HE SD4 8,L9E UP AG40
  ,I /OOD UP AG4 ,COA* ?REW ME ! BALL4
,& ,ROG] CAME = ME4 ,HE SCR1M$ & LAU<$ L
A CRAZY MAN4 ,HE 0 HAV+ A GRT "T4 ,& HE
0 TRY+ 69TIMIDATE ME4
  ,HE DID 9TIMIDATE ME4
  ,I DRIB#D ) MY "R H& T[>D ,ROG]1 "K+ T
HE 0 GO+ 6TRY 6/1L ! BALL4
  ,IF HE /AY$ 9 FRONT ( ME & R1*$ =!
BALL ) 8 LEFT H&1 !N "! 0 NO WAY ,I CD
GET PA/ HM4 ,HE 0 TOO BIG & /R;G1 TOO
IMMOVA#4 ,B HE R1*$ =! BALL ) 8 "R H&1 &
T PUT HM A LL (F BAL.E1 S ,I SPUN-DRIB#D
>.D HM1 DID A #CFJ1 & RAC$ D[N ! C\RT4
,HE 0 "R 2H ME4 ,I ?"\ ,I CD \TRUN HM1 B
HE CAU<T UP 6ME & J BLA/$ ME4 ,J ME
SKI4+ ACR ! FLOOR AG4 ,! BALL W5T B\NC+
96! /&S4
  ,I %D H /AY$ D[N4
  ,B ,I DIDN'T4
  ,9/1D1 ,I JUMP$ UP1 RAN 96! /&S1 GRA2$
! LOOSE BALL1 & RAC$ T[>D ,ROG] /&+ 2N !
BASKET4
  ,I DIDN'T EV5 DRIB#4
  ,I J RAN L A FULLBACK4            #AGD
  ,ROG] CR\*$1 R1DY 6TACKLE ME L HE 0 A
MI4LE L9EBACK]4
  ,HE SCR1M$2 ,I SCR1M$4
  ,& !N ,I /OPP$ %ORT1 AB FIFTE5 FEET F
! HOOP1 & MADE A PRETTY LL JUMP %OT4
  ,"EYBODY 9 ! GYM YELL$ & CLAPP$ &
/OMP$ _! FEET4
  ,ROG] 0 MAD AT F/1 B !N HE SMIL$1
GRA2$ ! BALL1 & DRIB#D T[>D 8 HOOP4
  ,HE SPUN LEFT1 "R1 B ,I /AY$ ) HM4
  ,HE BUMP$ ME1 PU%$ ME1 & ELB[$ ME1 B
,I /AY$ ) HM4 ,HE W5T UP =A LAYUP & ,I
F\L$ HM4 ,B ,I'D LE>N$ "! >E ,,NO ,,F\LS
,,CALL$ ,,9 ,,FULL-C\RT ,,"O-ON-"O1 S ,I
GRA2$ ! LOOSE BALL & RAC$ = MY 5D AG4
  ,B ,COA* BLEW ! :I/LE4
  8,ALL "R1 ALL "R1 ,>NOLD1 ,ROG]10
,COA* SD4 8,T'S GD1 T'S GD4 ,NEXT TWO1
NEXT TWO40
  ,I TOOK MY PLACE AT ! BACK (! L9E &
,ROG] /OOD NEXT 6ME4
  8,GD JOB10 HE SD & (F]$ 8 FI/4
  ,I BUMP$ 8 FI/ ) M9E4 ,I 0 A W>RIOR6
  ,& T'S :5 ,I KNEW ,I 0 GO+ 6MAKE !
T1M4                                #AGE
  ,HECK1 ,I 5D$ UP ON ! V>S;Y4 ,Z A
FRE%MAN4 ,COA* SD ,I 0 ! BE/ %OOT] :O'D
"E PLAY$ = HM4 ,& ,I 0 GO+ 6BE 8 SECRET
W1PON4 ,I 0 GO+ 6BE 8 ,W1PON ( ,MASS
,DE/RUC;N4
  ,COA* SURE LOV$ ^? MILIT>Y METAPHORS4
  ,TWO WEEKS LAT]1 WE TRAVEL$ UP ! ROAD
= \R F/ GAME (! S1SON4 ,& \R F/ GAME 0
AG/ ,WELLP9IT ,HI< ,S*OOL4
  ,YEP4
  ,X 0 L "S?+ \ ( ,%AKESPE>E4
  ,! MORN+ (! GAME1 ,I'D WOK5 UP 9 MY
REZ H\SE1 S MY DAD CD DRIVE ME ! TW5TY-
TWO MILES 6,RE>DAN1 S ,I CD GET ON ! T1M
BUS =! RIDE BACK 6! RES]V,N4
  ,CRAZY4
  ,D ,I H 6TELL Y T ,I 0 ABSOLUTELY SICK
) FE>8
  ,I VOMIT$ F\R "TS T "D4
  ,:5 \R BUS PULL$ 96! HI< S*OOL P>K+
LOT1 WE 7 GREET$ 0"S RABID ELE;T>Y S*OOL
KIDS4 ,"S ( ^? LL DUDES & DUDETTES 7 MY
C\S9S4
  ,!Y PELT$ \R BUS ) SN[BALLS4 ,& "S (
^? SN[BALLS 7 FILL$ ) ROCKS4        #AGF
  ,Z WE GOT (F ! BUS & WALK$ T[>D ! GYM1
,I CD HE> ! CR[D GO+ CRAZY 9SIDE4
  ,!Y 7 *ANT+ "S?+4
  ,I CDN'T MAKE X \4
  ,& !N ,I CD4
  ,! REZ BASKETBALL FANS 7 *ANT+1 8,>-
NOLD SUCKS6 ,>-NOLD SUCKS6 ,>-NOLD
SUCKS60
  ,!Y W]5'T CALL+ ME 0MY REZ "N1 ,JUN-
IOR4 ,NOPE1 !Y 7 CALL+ ME 0MY ,RE>DAN
"N4
  ,I /OPP$4
  ,COA* LOOK$ BACK AT ME4
  8,>E Y OKAY80 HE ASK$4
  8,NO10 ,I SD4
  8,Y DON'T H 6PLAY ? "O10 HE SD4
  8,YES1 ,I D10 ,I SD4
  ,/1 ,I PROBABLY WD H TURN$ >.D IF ,I
_HN'T SE5 MY MOM & DAD & GR&MA WAIT+ AT
! FRONT DOOR4
  ,I "K !Y'D BE5 PIT*$ J Z M* CRAP Z ,I
WAS4 ,& "! !Y W]E1 R1DY 6CAT* M CRAP =
ME4 ,R1DY 6WALK "? ! CRAP ) ME4
  ,TWO TRIBAL COPS 7 AL "!4
  ,I GUESS !Y 7 = SECUR;Y4 ,= ^:    #AGG
SECUR;Y1 ,I DON'T "K4 ,B !Y WALK$ ) \R
T1M1 TOO4
  ,S WE WALK$ "? ! FRONT & 96! L\D GYM4
  ,: IMMLY W5T SIL5T4
  ,ABSOLUTELY QUIET4
  ,MY FELL[ TRIBAL MEMB]S SAW ME & !Y
ALL /OPP$ *E]+1 TALK+1 & MOV+4
  ,I ?9K !Y /OPP$ BR1?+4
  ,&1 !N1 Z "O1 !Y ALL TURN$ _! BACKS ON
ME4
  ,X 0 A FRICK+ AWE"S 4PLAY ( 3TEMPT4
  ,I 0 IMPRESS$4 ,S 7 MY T1MMATES4
  ,ESPECI,Y ,ROG]4
  ,HE J LOOK$ AT ME & :I/L$4
  ,I 0 MAD4
  ,IF ^! DANG ,9DIANS _H BE5 ? ORGANIZ$
:5 ,I W5T 6S*OOL "H1 MAYBE ,I WD H _H M
R1SONS 6/AY4
  ,T ?"\ MADE ME LAU<4
  ,S ,I LAU<$4
  ,& MY LAU<T] 0 ! ONLY S.D 9 ! GYM4
  ,& !N ,I NOTIC$ T ! ONLY ,9DIAN :O
_HN'T TURN$ 8 BACK ON ME 0 ,R[DY4 ,HE 0
/&+ ON ! O!R 5D (! C\RT4 ,HE PASS$ A
BASKETBALL >.D 8 BACK1 >.D 8        #AGH
BACK1 >.D 8 BACK1 L A CLOCK4 ,& HE GL>$
AT ME4
  ,HE WANT$ 6PLAY4
  ,HE DIDN'T WANT 6TURN 8 BACK ON ME4
  ,HE WANT$ 6KILL ME1 FACE-TO-FACE4
  ,T MADE ME LAU< "S M4
  ,& !N ,COA* />T$ LAU<+ ) ME4
  ,& S DID MY T1MMATES4
  ,& WE KEPT LAU<+ Z WE WALK$ 96! LOCK]
ROOM 6GET R1DY =! GAME4
  ,ONCE 9SIDE ! LOCK] ROOM1 ,I ALM PASS$
\4 ,I SLUMP$ AG/ A LOCK]4 ,I FELT DIZZY
& W1K4 ,& !N ,I CRI$1 & FELT A%AM$ ( MY
TE>S4
  ,B ,COA* KNEW EXACTLY :AT 6SAY4
  8,X'S OKAY10 ,COA* SD 6ME1 B HE 0
TALK+ 6! :OLE T1M4 8,IF Y C>E AB "S?+
5\<1 X'S GO+ 6MAKE Y CRY4 ,B Y H 6USE X4
,USE YR TE>S4 ,USE YR PA94 ,USE YR FE>4
,GET MAD1 ,>NOLD1 GET MAD40
  ,& S ,I GOT MAD4
  ,& ,I 0 / MAD & CRY+ :5 WE RAN \ =
W>M-UPS4 ,& ,I 0 / MAD :5 ! GAME />T$4
,I 0 ON ! B5*4 ,I DIDN'T ?9K ,I 0 GO+ TO
PLAY M*4 ,I 0 ONLY A FRE%MAN4       #AGI
  ,B HALFWAY "? ! F/ QU>T]1 )! SCORE TI$
AT #AJ1 ,COA* S5T ME IN4
  ,& Z ,I RAN ONTO ! C\RT1 "SBODY 9 !
CR[D ?REW A QU>T] AT ME4 ,,& ,,HIT ,,ME
,,9 ,,! ,,FRICK+ ,,=EH1D6
  ,!Y DREW BLOOD4
  ,I 0 BLE$+4 ,S ,I CDN'T PLAY4
  ,BLE$+ & ANGRY1 ,I GL>$ AT ! CR[D4
  ,!Y TAUNT$ ME Z ,I WALK$ 96! LOCK]
ROOM4
  ,I BL$ AL"O1 UNTIL ,EUG5E1 MY DAD'S
BE/ FR1 WALK$ IN4 ,HE _H J 2COME AN
,,EMT =! TRIBAL CL9IC4
  8,LET ME LOOK AT T10 HE SD1 & POK$ AT
MY W.D4
  8,Y / GOT YR MOTORCYCLE80 ,I ASK$4
  8,NAH1 ,I WRECK$ T ?+10 HE SD1 & DA2$
ANTISEPTIC ON MY CUT4 8,H[ DOES ? FEEL80
  8,X HURTS40
  8,AH1 X'S NO?+10 HE SD4 8,MAYBE ?REE
/IT*ES4 ,I'LL DRIVE Y 6,SPOKANE 6GET X
FIX$ UP40
  8,D Y HATE ME1 TOO80 ,I ASK$ ,EUG5E4
  8,NO1 MAN1 Y'RE COOL10 HE SD4
  8,GD10 ,I SD4                     #AHJ
  8,X'S TOO BAD Y DIDN'T GET 6PLAY10
,EUG5E SD4 8,YR DAD SAYS Y'RE GETT+
PRETTY GD40
  8,N Z GD Z Y10 ,I SD4
  ,EUG5E 0 A LEG5D4 ,P SAY HE CD H PLAY$
9 COLLEGE1 B P AL SAY ,EUG5E CDN'T R1D4
  ,Y C'T R1D1 Y C'T BALL4
  8,Y'LL GET !M NEXT "T10 ,EUG5E SD4
  8,Y /IT* ME UP10 ,I SD4
  8,:AT80
  8,Y /IT* ME UP4 ,I WANT 6PLAY TN40
  8,I C'T D T1 MAN4 ,X'S YR FACE4 ,I
MI<T L1VE A SC> OR "S?+40
  8,!N ,I'LL LOOK T\<]10 ,I SD4 8,-E ON1
MAN40
  ,S ,EUG5E DID X4 ,HE GAVE ME ?REE
/IT*ES 9 MY =EH1D & X HURT L CRAZY1 B ,I
0 R1DY 6PLAY ! SECOND HALF4
  ,WE 7 D[N 0FIVE PO9TS4
  ,R[DY _H BE5 AN ABSOLUTE T]ROR1 SCOR+
TW5TY PO9TS1 GRA2+ T5 REB.DS1 & /1L+ !
BALL SEV5 "TS4
  8,T KID IS GD10 ,COA* SD4
  8,HE'S MY BE/ FR10 ,I SD4 8,WELL1 HE
US$ 6BE MY BE/ FR40                 #AHA
  8,:AT IS HE N[80
  8,I DON'T "K40
  ,WE SCOR$ ! F/ FIVE PO9TS (! ?IRD QU>-
T]1 & !N ,COA* S5T ME 96! GAME4
  ,I IMMLY /OLE A PASS & DROVE =A LAYUP4
  ,R[DY 0 "R 2H ME4
  ,I JUMP$ 96! AIR1 HE>D ! CURSES ( TWO
HUNDR$ ,SPOKANES1 & !N SAW ONLY A B"R
LI<T Z ,R[DY SMA%$ 8 ELB[ 96MY H1D &
KNOCK$ ME UNCONSCI\S4
  ,OKAY1 ,I DON'T REMEMB] ANY?+ ELSE F T
NI<T4 ,S "EY?+ ,I TELL Y N[ IS SECONDH&
9=M,N4
  ,AF ,R[DY KNOCK$ ME \1 BO? ( \R T1MS
GOT 96A S]IES ( %OV+ MAT*ES & PU%-FI<TS4
  ,! TRIBAL COPS _H 6PULL TW5TY OR ?IRTY
ADULT ,SPOKANES (F ! C\RT 2F ANY ( !M
ASSAULT$ A TE5AGE :ITE KID4
  ,R[DY 0 GIV5 A TE*NICAL F\L4
  ,S WE %OT TWO FREE ?R[S = T4
  ,I DIDN'T %OOT !M1 ( C\RSE1 2C ,I 0
ALR 9 ,EUG5E'S AMBUL.E1 ) MY "M & "F1 ON
! WAY 6,SPOKANE4
  ,AF WE %OT ! TE*NICAL FREE ?R[S1 ! TWO
REF]EES HU4L$4 ,!Y 7 TWO :ITE       #AHB
DUDES F ,SPOKANE :O 7 ABSOLUTELY T]RIFI$
(! WILD ,9DIANS 9 ! CR[D & 7 WILL+ 6D
,,ANY?+ 6MAKE !M HAPPY4 ,S !Y CALL$ TE*-
NICAL F\LS ON F\R ( \R PLAY]S = L1V+ !
B5* & ON ,COA* = UNSPORTSMANLIKE 3DUCT4
  ,YEP1 FIVE TE*NICALS4 ,T5 FREE ?R[S4
  ,AF ,R[DY HIT ! F/ SIX FREE ?R[S1
,COA* CURS$ & SCR1M$1 & 0 ?R[N \ (!
GAME4
  ,WELLP9IT 5D$ UP W9N+ 0?IRTY PO9TS4
  ,I 5D$ UP )A M9OR 3CUS.N4
  ,YEP1 ?REE /IT*ES &A BRUIS$ BRA94
  ,MY "M 0 J 2S H]F4 ,%E ?"\ ,I'D BE5
MURD]$4
  8,I'M OKAY10 ,I SD4 8,J A LL DIZZY40
  8,B YR HYDROCEPHALUS10 %E SD4 8,YR
BRA9 IS ALR DAMAG$ 5\<40
  8,GEE1 ?ANKS1 ,MOM10 ,I SD4
  ,( C\RSE1 ,I 0 WORRI$ T ,I'D FUR!R
DAMAG$ MY ALR DAMAG$ BRA92 ! DOCTORS SD
,I 0 F9E4
  ,MO/LY F9E4
  ,LAT] T NI<T1 ,COA* TALK$ 8 WAY PA/ !
NURSES & 96MY ROOM4 ,MY "M & "F & GR&MA
7 ASLEEP 9 _! *AIRS1 B ,I 0         #AHC
AWAKE4
  8,HEY1 KID10 ,COA* SD1 KEEP+ 8 VOICE
L[ S HE WDN'T WAKE MY FAMILY4
  8,HEY1 ,COA*10 ,I SD4
  8,SORRY AB T GAME10 HE SD4
  8,X'S N YR FAULT40
  8,I %DN'T H PLAY$ Y4 ,I %D H C.EL$ !
:OLE GAME4 ,X'S MY FAULT40
  8,I WANT$ 6PLAY4 ,I WANT$ 6W940
  8,X'S J A GAME10 HE SD4 8,X'S N WOR?
ALL ?40
  ,B HE 0 LY+4 ,HE 0 J SAY+ :AT HE ?"\
HE 0 SUPPOS$ 6SAY4 ,( C\RSE1 X 0 N J A
GAME4 ,E GAME IS IMPORTANT4 ,E GAME IS
S]I\S4
  8,COA*10 ,I SD4 8,I WD WALK \ ( ? HOS-
PITAL & WALK ALL ! WAY BACK 6,WELLP9IT
6PLAY !M "R N[ IF ,I CD40
  ,COA* SMIL$4
  8,V9CE ,LOMB>DI US$ 6SAY "S?+ ,I L10
HE SD4
  8,X'S N :E!R Y W9 OR LOSE10 ,I SD4
8,X'S H[ Y PLAY ! GAME40
  8,NO1 B ,I L T "O10 ,COA* SD4 8,B
,LOMB>DI DIDN'T M1N X4 ,( C\RSE1    #AHD
X'S BETT] 6W940
  ,WE LAU<$4
  8,NO1 ,I L ? O!R "O M10 ,COA* SD4 8,!
QUAL;Y (A MAN'S LIFE IS 9 DIRECT PROPOR-
;N 6HIS -MIT;T 6EXCELL;E1 REG>D.S ( 8
*OS5 FIELD ( 5D1VOR40
  8,T'S A GD "O40
  8,X'S P]FECT = Y4 ,I'VE N"E MET ANY-
BODY Z -MITT$ Z Y40
  8,?ANKS1 ,COA*40
  8,Y'RE WELCOME4 ,OKAY1 KID1 Y TAKE C>E
( YR H1D4 ,I'M GO+ 6GET \ ( "H S Y C
SLEEP40
  8,OH1 ,I'M N SUPPOS$ 6SLEEP4 ,!Y WANT
6KEEP ME AWAKE 6MONITOR MY H1D4 ,MAKE
SURE ,I DON'T H "S HI45 DAMAGE OR "S?+40
  8,OH1 OKAY10 ,COA* SD4 8,WELL1 H[ AB
,I /AY & KEEP Y -PANY1 !N80
  8,W[1 T WD 2 GRT40
  ,S ,COA* & ,I SAT AWAKE ALL NI<T4
  ,WE TOLD EA* O!R _M /ORIES4
  ,B ,I N"E REP1T ^? /ORIES4
  ,T NI<T 2L;GS 6J ME & MY COA*4

      ,&A ,"PRIDGE 9 A ,PE> ,TREE   #AHE

  ,:5 ! HOLI"DS ROLL$ >.D1 WE DIDN'T H
ANY M"OY = PRES5TS1 S ,DAD DID :AT HE
ALW DOES :5 WE DON'T H 5 M"OY4
  ,HE TOOK :AT LL M"OY WE DID H & RAN
AWAY 6GET DRUNK4
  ,HE LEFT ON ,*RI/MAS ,EVE & CAME BACK
ON ,JANU>Y #B4
  ,) AN EPIC HANGOV]1 HE J LAY ON 8 B$ =
H\RS4
  8,HEY1 ,DAD10 ,I SD4
  8,HEY1 KID10 HE SD4 8,I'M SORRY AB
,*RI/MAS40
  8,X'S OKAY10 ,I SD4
  ,B X WASN'T OKAY4 ,X 0 AB Z F> F OKAY
Z Y C GET4 ,IF OKAY 0 ! E>?1 !N ,I 0 /&+
ON ,JUPIT]4 ,I DON'T "K :Y ,I SD X 0
OKAY4 ,= "S R1SON1 ,I 0 PROTECT+ ! FEEL-
+S (! MAN :O _H BROK5 MY HE>T YET AG4
  ,JEEZ1 ,I'D J WON ! ,SILV] ,M$AL 9 !
,*N ( ,ALCOHOLICS ,OLYMPICS4
  8,I GOT Y "S?+10 HE SD4
  8,:AT80
  8,X'S 9 MY BOOT40
  ,I PICK$ UP "O ( 8 C[BOY BOOTS4   #AHF
  8,NO1 ! O!R "O10 HE SD4 8,9SIDE1 "U T
FOOT-PAD ?+40
  ,I PICK$ UP ! O!R BOOT & DUG 9SIDE4
,MAN1 T ?+ SMELL$ L BOOZE & FE> & FAIL-
URE4
  ,I F.D A WR9KL$ & DAMP FIVE DOLL>
BILL4
  8,M]RY ,*RI/MAS10 HE SD4
  ,W[4
  ,DRUNK =A WEEK1 MY "F M/ H RE,Y WANT$
6SP5D ^? LA/ FIVE DOLL>S4 ,%OOT1 Y C BUY
A BOTTLE (! WOR/ :ISKEY = FIVE DOLL>S4
,HE CD H SP5T T FIVE BUCKS & /AY$ DRUNK
= ANO!R "D OR TWO4 ,B HE SAV$ X = ME4
  ,X 0 A B1UTI;L & UGLY ?+4
  8,?ANKS1 ,DAD10 ,I SD4
  ,HE 0 ASLEEP4
  8,M]RY ,*RI/MAS10 ,I SD1 & KISS$ HM ON
! *EEK4





            ,R$ ,V]SUS ,:ITE        #AHG

  ,Y PROBABLY ?9K ,I'VE -PLETELY FALL5 9
LOVE ) :ITE P & T ,I DON'T SEE ANY?+ GD
9 ,9DIANS4
  ,WELL1 T'S FALSE4
  ,I LOVE MY BIG SI/]4 ,I ?9K %E'S D\#
CRAZY & R&OM4
  ,"E S9CE %E MOV$1 %E'S S5T ME ALL ^!
GRT ,MONTANA PO/C>DS4 ,B1UTI;L L&SCAPES
& B1UTI;L ,9DIANS4 ,BU6ALO4 ,RIV]S4
,HUGE 9SECTS4
  ,GRT PO/C>DS4
  ,%E / C'T F9D A JOB1 & %E'S / LIV+ 9 T
CRAPPY LL TRAIL]4 ,B %E'S HAPPY & "W+
H>D ON H] BOOK4 ,%E MADE A ,NEW ,YE>'S
RESOLU;N 6F9I% H] BOOK 0SUMM]"T4
  ,H] BOOK IS AB HOPE1 ,I GUESS4
  ,I ?9K %E WANTS ME 6%>E 9 H] ROM.E4
  ,I LOVE H] = T4
  ,& ,I LOVE MY "M & "F & MY GR&MA4
  ,"E S9CE ,I'VE BE5 AT ,RE>DAN1 & SE5
H[ GRT P>5TS D _! GRT P>5T+1 ,I R1LIZE T
MY FOLKS >E PRETTY GD4 ,SURE1 MY DAD HAS
A DR9K+ PRO#M & MY MOM C 2 A LL E35TRIC1
B !Y MAKE SACRIFICES = ME4 ,!Y      #AHH
WORRY AB ME4 ,!Y TALK 6ME4 ,& BE/ ( ALL1
!Y LI/5 6ME4
  ,I'VE LE>N$ T ! WOR/ ?+ A P>5T C D IS
IGNORE _! *N4
  ,&1 TRU/ ME1 "! >E PL5TY ( ,RE>DAN
KIDS :O GET IGNOR$ 0_! P>5TS4
  ,"! >E :ITE P>5TS1 ESPECI,Y "FS1 :O
N"E -E 6! S*OOL4 ,!Y DON'T -E = _! KIDS'
GAMES1 3C]TS1 PLAYS1 OR C>NIVALS4
  ,I'M FRS ) "S :ITE KIDS1 & ,I'VE N"E
MET _! "FS4
  ,T'S ABSOLUTELY FR1KY4
  ,ON ! REZ1 Y "K E KID'S "F1 "M1 GR&P>-
5TS1 DOG1 CAT1 & %OE SIZE4 ,I M1N1 Y1H1
,9DIANS >E SCREW$ UP1 B WE'RE RE,Y CLOSE
6EA* O!R4 ,WE ,,"K EA* O!R4 ,"EYBODY "KS
"EYBODY4
  ,B DESPITE ! FACT T ,RE>DAN IS A T9Y
T[N1 P C / 2 /RANG]S 6EA* O!R4
  ,I'VE LE>N$ T :ITE P1 ESPECI,Y "FS1 >E
GD AT HID+ 9 PLA9 SI<T4
  ,I M1N1 Y1H1 MY DAD WD "S"TS G ON A
DR9K+ B+E & 2 G"O =A WEEK1 B ^? :ITE
DADS C -PLETELY 4APPE> )\T "E L1V+ !
LIV+ ROOM4 ,!Y C J ,,BL5D 96_!      #AHI
*AIRS4 ,!Y 2COME _! *AIRS4
  ,S1 OKAY1 ,I'M N ALL GO(Y-EY$ 9 LOVE )
:ITE P1 ALL "R8 ,PL5TY (! OLD :ITE GUYS
/ GIVE ME ! /9K EYE J = 2+ ,9DIAN4 ,&A
LOT ( !M ?9K ,I %DN'T 2 9 ! S*OOL AT
ALL4
  ,I'M R1LI/IC1 OKAY8
  ,I'VE ?"\ AB ^! ?+S4 ,& MAYBE ,I
HAV5'T D"O 5 ?9K+1 B ,I'VE D"O 5 6"K T
X'S BETT] 6LIVE 9 ,RE>DAN ?AN 9 ,WELLP9-
IT4
  ,MAYBE ONLY SLI<TLY BETT]4
  ,B F ": ,I'M /&+1 SLI<TLY BETT] IS AB
! SIZE (! ,GR& ,CANYON4
  ,&1 HEY1 D Y WANT 6"K ! V BE/ ?+ AB
,RE>DAN8
  ,X'S ,P5ELOPE1 ( C\RSE4 ,& MAYBE ,GOR-
DY4
  ,& D Y WANT 6"K :AT ! V BE/ ?+ 0 AB
,WELLP9IT8
  ,MY GR&"M4
  ,%E 0 AMAZ+4
  ,%E 0 ! MO/ AMAZ+ P]SON 9 ! _W4
  ,D Y WANT 6"K ! V BE/ ?+ AB MY GR&"M8
  ,%E 0 TOL]ANT4                    #AIJ
  ,& ,I "K T'S A HIL>I\S ?+ 6SAY AB YR
GR&"M4
  ,I M1N1 :5 P -PLI;T _! GR&"MS1 ESPE-
CI,Y _! ,9DIAN GR&"MS1 !Y USU,Y SAY ?+S
L1 8,MY GR&"M IS S WISE0 & 8,MY GR&"M IS
S K9D0 & 8,MY GR&"M HAS SE5 "EY?+40
  ,&1 Y1H1 MY GR&"M 0 SM>T & K9D & _H
TRAVEL$ 6AB #AJJ DI6]5T ,9DIAN RES]V,NS1
B T _H NO?+ 6D ) H] GRT;S4
  ,MY GR&"M'S GRTE/ GIFT 0 TOL].E4
  ,N[1 9 ! OLD "DS1 ,9DIANS US$ 6BE =-
GIV+ ( ANY K9D ( E35TRIC;Y4 ,9 FACT1
WEIRD P 7 (T5 CELEBRAT$4
  ,EPILEPTICS 7 (T5 %AMANS 2C P J ASSUM$
T ,GOD GAVE SEIZURE-VI.NS 6! LUCKY "OS4
  ,GAY P 7 SE5 Z MAGICAL1 TOO4
  ,I M1N1 L 9 _M CULTURES1 M5 7 VIEW$ Z
W>RIORS & WOM5 7 VIEW$ Z C>EGIV]S4 ,B
GAY P1 2+ BO? MALE & FEMALE1 7 SE5 Z BO?
W>RIORS & C>EGIV]S4
  ,GAY P CD D ANY?+4 ,!Y 7 L ,SWISS ,>MY
KNIVES6
  ,MY GR&"M _H NO USE = ALL ! GAY BA%+ &
HOMOPHOBIA 9 ! _W1 ESPECI,Y AM;G O!R
,9DIANS4                            #AIA
  8,JEEZ10 %E SD4 8,:O C>ES IF A MAN
WANTS 6M>RY ANO!R MAN8 ,ALL ,I WANT 6"K
IS :O'S GO+ 6PICK UP ALL ! DIRTY SOCKS80
  ,( C\RSE1 "E S9CE :ITE P %[$ UP & BR"\
AL;G _! ,*RI/IAN;Y & _! FE>S ( E35TRICI-
TY1 ,9DIANS H GRADU,Y LO/ ALL ( _! TOL]-
.E4
  ,9DIANS C 2 J Z JUDG;TAL & HATE;L Z
ANY :ITE P]SON4
  ,B N MY GR&"M4
  ,%E / HUNG ON 6T OLD-"T ,9DIAN _S1 Y
"K8
  ,%E ALW APPROA*$ EA* NEW P]SON & EA*
NEW EXP]I;E ! EXACT SAME WAY4
  ,:5"E WE W5T 6,SPOKANE1 MY GR&"M WD
TALK 6ANYBODY1 EV5 ! HOME.S P1 EV5 !
HOME.S GUYS :O 7 TALK+ 69VISI# P4
  ,MY GR&"M WD />T TALK+ 6! 9VISI# P1
TOO4
  ,:Y WD %E D T8
  8,WELL10 %E SD1 8H[ C ,I 2 SURE "!
>5'T 9VISI# P 9 ! _W8 ,SCI5TI/S DIDN'T
2LIEVE 9 ! M.TA9 GORILLA = HUNDR$S (
YE>S4 ,& N[ LOOK4 ,S IF SCI5TI/S C 2
WR;G1 !N ALL ( U C 2 WR;G4 ,I       #AIB
M1N1 :AT IF ALL ( ^? 9VISI# P ,,>E SCI5-
TI/S8 ,?9K AB T "O40
  ,S ,I ?"\ AB T "O3 ,7PICTURE OMITT$7'
,AF ,I DECID$ 6G 6,RE>DAN1 ,I FELT L AN
9VISI# M.TA9 GORILLA SCI5TI/4 ,MY GR&"M
0 ! ONLY "O :O ?"\ X 0 A #AJJ P]C5T GD
IDEA4
  8,?9K ( ALL ! NEW P Y'RE GO+ 6MEET10
%E SD4 8,T'S ! :OLE PO9T ( LIFE1 Y "K8
,6MEET NEW P4 ,I WI% ,I CD G ) Y4 ,X'S
S* AN EXCIT+ IDEA40
  ,( C\RSE1 MY GR&"M _H MET ?\S&S1 T5S (
?\S&S1 ( O!R ,9DIANS AT P[W[S ALL OV] !
C.TRY4 ,E P[W[ ,9DIAN KNEW H]4
  ,YEP1 MY GR&"M 0 P[W[-FAM\S4
  ,"EYBODY LOV$ H]2 %E LOV$ "EYBODY4
  ,9 FACT1 LA/ WEEK1 %E 0 WALK+ BACK
HOME F A M9I P[W[ AT ! ,SPOKANE ,TRIBAL
,-MUN;Y ,C5T]1 :5 %E 0 /RUCK & KILL$ 0A
DRUNK DRIV]4
  ,Y1H1 Y R1D T "R4
  ,%E DIDN'T DIE "R AWAY4 ,! RES]V,N P>-
AM$ICS KEPT H] ALIVE L;G 5 6GET 6! HOS-
PITAL 9 ,SPOKANE1 B %E DI$ DUR+ EM]G5CY
SURG]Y4                             #AIC
  ,MASSIVE 9T]NAL 9JURIES4
  ,AT ! HOSPITAL1 MY "M WEPT & WAIL$4
,%E'D LO/ H] "M4 ,:5 ANYBODY1 NO MATT]
H[ OLD !Y >E1 LOSES A P>5T1 ,I ?9K X
HURTS ! SAME Z IF Y 7 ONLY FIVE YE>S
OLD1 Y "K8 ,I ?9K ALL ( U >E ALW FIVE
YE>S OLD 9 ! PRES;E & ABS;E ( \R P>5TS4
  ,MY "F 0 ALL QUIET & S]I\S )! SURGEON1
A BIG & H&"S :ITE GUY4
  8,DID %E SAY ANY?+ 2F %E DI$80 HE
ASK$4
  8,YES10 ! SURGEON SD4 8,%E SD1 ,8,=-
GIVE HM40'0
  8,=GIVE HM80 MY "F ASK$4
  8,I ?9K %E 0 REF]R+ 6! DRUNK DRIV] :O
KILL$ H]40
  ,W[4
  ,MY GR&"M'S LA/ ACT ON E>? 0 A CALL =
=GIVE;S1 LOVE1 & TOL].E4
  ,%E WANT$ U 6=GIVE ,G]ALD1 ! DUMB-ASS
,SPOKANE ,9DIAN ALCOHOLIC :O RAN H] OV]
& KILL$ H]4
  ,I ?9K MY DAD WANT$ 6G F9D ,G]ALD &
B1T HM 6D1?4
  ,I ?9K MY "M WD H HELP$ HM4       #AID
  ,I ?9K ,I WD H HELP$ HM1 TOO4
  ,B MY GR&"M WANT$ U 6=GIVE H] MURD]]4
  ,EV5 D1D1 %E 0 A BETT] P]SON ?AN U4
  ,! TRIBAL COPS F.D ,G]ALD HID+ \ AT
,B5JAM9 ,LAKE4
  ,!Y TOOK HM 6JAIL4
  ,& AF WE GOT BACK F ! HOSPITAL1 MY "F
W5T OV] 6SEE ,G]ALD 6KILL HM OR =GIVE
HM4 ,I ?9K ! TRIBAL COPS MI<T H LOOK$ !
O!R WAY IF MY "F _H DECID$ 6/RANGLE ,G]-
ALD4
  ,B MY "F1 RESPECT+ MY GR&"M'S LA/ WI%-
ES1 LEFT ,G]ALD AL"O 6! JU/ICE SY/EM1 :
5D$ UP S5D+ HM 6PRISON = EI<TE5 MON?S4
,AF HE GOT \1 ,G]ALD MOV$ 6A RES]V,N 9
,CALI=NIA & NOBODY "E SAW HM AG4
  ,B MY FAMILY _H 6BURY MY GR&"M4
  ,I M1N1 X'S NATURAL 6BURY YR GR&"M4
  ,GR&P>5TS >E SUPPOS$ 6DIE F/1 B !Y'RE
SUPPOS$ 6DIE ( OLD AGE4 ,!Y'RE SUPPOS$
6DIE (A HE>T ATTACK OR A /ROKE OR ( C.ER
OR ( ,ALZHEIM]'S4
  ,,!Y ,,>E ,,N ,,SUPPOS$ ,,6,,GET ,,RUN
,,OV] ,,& ,,KILL$ ,,0,A ,,DRUNK ,,DRIV]6
  ,I M1N1 ! ?+ IS1 PL5TY ( ,9DI-    #AIE
ANS H DI$ 2C !Y 7 DRUNK4 ,& PL5TY (
DRUNK5 ,9DIANS H KILL$ O!R DRUNK5 ,9DI-
ANS4
  ,B MY GR&"M _H N"E DRUNK ALCOHOL 9 H]
LIFE4 ,N "O DROP4 ,T'S ! R>E/ K9D ( ,IN-
DIAN 9 ! _W4
  ,I "K ONLY1 L1 FIVE ,9DIANS 9 \R :OLE
TRIBE :O H N"E DRUNK ALCOHOL4
  ,& MY GR&"M 0 "O ( !M4
  8,DR9K+ WD %UT D[N MY SEE+ & MY HE>+ &
MY FEEL+10 %E US$ 6SAY4 8,:Y WD ,I WANT
6BE 9 ! _W IF ,I CDN'T T\* ! _W ) ALL (
MY S5SES 9TACT80
  ,WELL1 MY GR&"M HAS LEFT ? _W & %E'S
N[ ROAM+ >.D ! AFLIFE4









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