,,P5ELOPE

            ,,M>ILYN ,,KAYE

      ,PUBLI%$ 0,/4 ,M>T9'S ,GRI69
         ,NEW ,YORK1 ,NEW ,YORK
          ,COPY"R ^C #BJJG BY
       ,P5ELOPE ,PRODUC;NS1 ,,LLC
  ,FUR!R REPRODUC;N OR 4TRIBU;N 9 O!R
  ?AN A SPECIALIZ$ =MAT IS PROHIBIT$4

      ,TRANSCRIB$ 9 ,5GLI% ,BRL BY
      ,S>AH ,WALK]1 ,JOAN ,BLACK]1
    ,B>B>A ,TACKETT1 ,>L5E ,DONAHUE1
            & ,DAWN ,HU6+TON
          ,"EGRE5 ,BRL ,S]VICE
           ,S1TTLE1 ,WA%+TON
             ,9 #C ,VOLUMES
               ,VOLUME #A
          ,PAGES ;I-;X & #A-HF

          ,"U ! ,SPONSOR%IP (
 ,WA%+TON ,TALK+ ,BOOK @& ,BRL ,LIBR>Y
           ,S1TTLE1 ,WA%+TON
                 #BJJI
            ,TRANSCRIP;N (3          ;II
      ,,ISBN-#AJ3 #J-CAB-CGEEI-;,X
     ,,ISBN-#AC3 #IGH-J-CAB-CGEEI-A

     ,9TRODUC;N COPY"R ^C #BJJG BY
            ,REESE ,)]SPOON



















       ,,SPECIAL ,,SYMBOLS ,,US$    ;III
            ,,9 ,,? ,,VOLUME

^C ,COPY"R SYMBOL
@& ,AMP]S&
@ 7#D7 ,A35T SIGN



















                                     ;IV
























                                      ;V









         ,=! T1M3 ,?OMAS ,CL]C1
    ,EMILIE ,GRIMAUD1 ,AUGU/9 ,CL]C1
     ,M>ION ,GRIMAUD1 &! COCAPTA9S1
           ,ISABELLE & ,H]V@E











                                     ;VI
























               ,9TRODUC;N           ;VII

  ,I LOV$ R1D+ FAIRY TALES Z A *--OR
BETT] YET--HAV+ !M R1D 6ME--& N[ MY
DAU<T] LOVES !M TOO6 ,! ADV5TURES ( ^?
2L1GU]$ PR9CESSES1 S (T5 ! "YE/1 MO/
B1UTI;L1 & L1/ APPRECIAT$1 7 MAGICAL4
,FAIRY TALES TELL U :O WE >E & H[ 6LIVE4
,T'S :Y !Y >E S P[];L4 ,X'S N (T5 T A
BR&-NEW TALE APPE>S 9 ! _W4 ,S IMAG9E MY
SURPRISE & DELI<T :5 ,I 4COV]$ '''
.,P5ELOPE6
  ,SPRUNG F ! BRILLIANTLY ORIG9AL BRA9 (
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MO;T ,I R1D X1 & ,P5ELOPE CAME 6LIFE 9
MY IMAG9,N L;G 2F %E /EPP$ ON-SCRE54
  ,"! >E S _M ?+S ,I LOVE AB .,P5ELOPE3
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,B MO/ ( ALL1 ,I LOVE ! MESSAGE4
.,P5ELOPE IS ! 9SPIR+ /ORY (A GIRL :O IS
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,BORN )! FACE (A PIG DUE 6AN ANCI5T
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KEPT HI45 AWAY 9 H] P>5TS' H\SE & IS
TAU<T 6WAIT--6WAIT UNTIL H]        ;VIII
PR9CE -ES AL;G & RESCUES H]1 6WAIT UNTIL
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LIFE 62G94
  ,EV5TU,Y1 ,P5ELOPE GETS TIR$ ( WAIT+ &
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  ,I HOPE ) /ORY 9SPIRES Y 6TRY 6BE A LL
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  ,5JOY ! BOOK6                      ;IX
      --,REESE ,)]SPOON























                                      ;X
























               ,,P5ELOPE              #A

               ,*APT] ,"O

  ,JAKE ALW KNEW ": 6F9D ME4
  ,HE'D BE5 ) \R FAMILY S9CE1 WELL1 ="E1
& HE KNEW \R R\T9ES4 ,HE AL KNEW \R HAB-
ITS1 \R TA/ES1 \R FOI#S & \R PRO#MS--IN
FACT1 HE PROBABLY KNEW ! ,WILH]NS BETT]
?AN WE KNEW \RVS4 ,ACTU,Y1 T WASN'T S
REM>KA# GIV5 T "! 7 ONLY ?REE ,WILH]NS 9
! H\SE--MY "M1 MY "F1 & ME--& N"O ( U 7
ALL T -PLICAT$4
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S*$ULE 7: DIDN'T V>Y T M* F MY WEEK5D
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#AJ3JJ1 ,I LI/5$ 6,FR5* TAPES & PRACTIC$
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,JAKE CAME 6COLLECT ME4
  ,:5 HE >RIV$1 ,I 0 9 ! MI4LE (A DELI-
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Z USUAL4                              #H
  8,X'S N H] FAULT4 ,DON'T BLAME ,P5ELO-
PE4 ,X'S MY FAULT1 X'S ALL MY FAULT40






















              ,*APT] ,TWO             #I

  ,Y'D ?9K ,I'D 2 US$ 6X 0N[4 ,I WASN'T1
& ,I D\BT$ T ,I "E WD BE4 ,X 0 ALW PA9;L
& DEMORALIZ+4
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6! P1CE & QUIET (! SOL>IUM4 ,PLANTS 7 MY
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T5SE .& DEPRESS$ .& ANGRY1 & EV5 MY BE-
LOV$ PLANTS CDN'T ALLEVIATE ALL T4 ,9
FACT1 ,I 0 M AFRAID MY WRET*$ MOOD WD
CAUSE IRREP>A# DAMAGE 6! 9NOC5T PLANTS4
  ,S ,I W5T 6MY ROOM1 : WASN'T A BAD
PLACE 6HIDE \ & 3SOLE MYF4 ,X _H "EY?+
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ETS W5T "? A -PLETE OV]HAUL4 ,I N"E _H
6WORRY AB 2+ SE5 9 LA/ S1SON'S /YLES4
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  ,& ,I 0 SURR.D$ 0ALL ! 5T]TA9;T POSSI-
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  ,N 6M5;N MY EX]CISE ALCOVE1 : 9CLUD$ A
TR1DMILL1 BIKE1 A R[+ MA*9E1 &A CLIMB+
WALL4 ,! CLIMB+ WALL 0 MY FAVORITE4 ,I
_H 6PUT ON SPECIAL EQUIP;T1 ORGANIZE !
ROPES1 !N /RET* & /RA9 6GET F "O FOOT-
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TOP ": ,I R1*$--NO?+4 ,ALL ,I CD D !N 0
-E BACK D[N4 ,X SEEM$ 6ME L A METAPHOR =
MY LIFE--,I KEPT MOV+ B ,I W5T NO":4
  ,! ONLY ?+ A /RANG] MI<T ?9K 0 MISS+ F
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MY EYELIDS 6BLUR ! IMAGE1 "! 0 NO POSSI#
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ON] ALL MY LIFE1 ! F1TURE T DROVE AWAY
,PALM] ,METCALF 7AM;G _M O!RS73 ! HUGE1
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BIR?4
  ,( C\RSE1 "! 7 O!R "PS 6MY FACE--!
SN\T WASN'T MY ONLY F1TURE1 ?\< X C]TA9-
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  ,I AL _H A V GD FIGURE4 ,) ALL ! "T ,I
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RI* DEEP BR[N 0 MY V [N COLOR1 & "! 7
DELICATE WAVES T CULM9AT$ 9 CURLS T
B\NC$ >.D MY %\LD]S4
  ,"! .0 A SMALL PRO#M ) MY E>S1 : _H "S
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KEPT !M 3C1L$4 ,B NO?+ CD 3C1L ! SN\T1 &
NO MATT] H[ _M LOVELY PHYSICAL QUALITIES
,I _H1 !Y 7 ALL REDUC$ 6NEGLIGI# 0? PRO-
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  ,& Z M* Z ,I TRI$ N 6FEEL SORRY = MYF1
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  ,I TURN$ 6A "PICUL> PAGE & GAZ$ AT AN
OLD SEPIA PR9T1 A FAMILY PORTRAIT4 ,/]N-
FAC$ ,WILH]NS POS$ /I6LY 9 D>K S]I\S
CLO!S1 ,VICTORIAN /YLE4 ,? "PICUL> PHOTO
0 PROBABLY TAK5 >.D #AHFJ4 ,"! 7 FIVE "Y
M5 9 ! PHOTO1 B MY ATT5;N 0 FOCUS$ ON
"O3 MY GRT-GRT-GRT-GR&"F1 ,RALPH
,WILH]N4                             #AC
  ,I BLAM$ HM4























                                     #AD
























              ,*APT] ,?REE           #AE

  ,RALPH 0 N ! OLDE/ NOR ! "YE/ ,WILH]N
BRO!R--HE 0 "R 9 ! MI4LE1 ) TWO OLD]
BRO!RS & TWO "Y] BRO!RS4 ,(! FIVE "Y M51
HE 0 N ! SM>TE/4 ,HE WASN'T ! BE/-LOOK+
,WILH]N1 EI4 ,NOR 0 HE ! MO/ A?LETIC1 OR
! MO/ CR1TIVE1 OR ! MO/ AMBITI\S4 ,NO "O
WD "E H CALL$ HM DRIV5--HE T5D$ 69DOL;E1
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9FLU;ED 0HIS P>5TS & 8 BRO!RS1 EV5 ! TWO
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  ,HE 0 AW>E ( 8 FLAWS1 2C 8 P>5TS &
BRO!RS 7 ALW REM9D+ HM4 ,N[A"DS1 A %R9K
WD SAY HE _H "S?+ ( AN 9F]IOR;Y -PLEX4
,B NEUROSES _HN'T BE5 9V5T$ YET--AT L1/1
! IDEA ( !M _HN'T R1*$ ! _W (! ,WILH]NS
--S ,RALPH _H 6D1L ) 8 9ADEQUACIES ! ON-
LY WAY HE KNEW H[4 ,HE 2CAME A ROMANTIC4
  ,HE R1D ROMANTIC POETRY & ROMANTIC
NOVELS & HE 5GAG$ 9 A LOT ( ROMANTIC
FANTASY4 ,R1L ROM.E DIDN'T PLAY A BIG "P
9 8 _W4 ,HE KNEW :AT 0 EXPECT$ ( HM3 TO
F9I% S*OOL1 6G 96! FAMILY BUSI;S 7: _H
"S?+ 6D ) US+ M"OY 6MAKE M M"OY71    #AF
6REFRA9 F AC;NS T MI<T 9 "S WAY 9JURE !
RESPECTA# REPUT,N (! FAMILY1 6M>RY A GD
WOMAN F A GD FAMILY1 & 6P]PETUATE !
,WILH]N "N4 ,HE CD MANAGE MO/ ( ^! RE-
SPONSIBILITIES1 B "! 0 "O T GAVE ,RALPH
"S TR\#3 F9D+ A WIFE4
  ,HE DIDN'T H ANY PRO#M MEET+ ELIGI#
WOM54 ,F ! AGE ( EI<TE51 HE _H ATT5D$
-+-\ BALLS & O!R SPECIAL O3A.NS DESIGN$
=! SOLE PURPOSE ( 9TRODUC+ ! "Y M5 &
WOM5 (A C]TA9 CLASS4 ,! WOM5 7 ( DI6]5T
%APES & SIZES & APPE>.E1 B !Y 7 ALL MOR-
AL & UP"R1 WELL GROOM$ & WELL MANN]$4
,RALPH'S PRO#M 0 T !Y DIDN'T APP1L 6HIS
ROMANTIC NATURE4 ,HE ?"\ !Y 7 DULL4
  ,IF HE'D BE5 A LL M AMBITI\S1 OR _H !
T9IE/ SP>K Z IMAG9,N1 HE MI<T H LEFT
HOME1 TRAVEL$1 G"O 2Y ! SMALL CIRCLE (
LOCAL >I/OCRACY4 ,B ,RALPH N"E EV5 3SID-
]$ ! POSSIBIL;Y T "! 7 O!R OP;NS 9 LIFE4
,HE CD ONLY FANTASIZE & WI% = ROM.E 6-E
KNOCK+ AT 8 DOOR4
  ,0! "T 8 OLD] & EV5 8 "Y] BRO!RS _H
M>RI$ OR 2CAME 2TRO!D1 ! ,WILH]N PATRI>*
& MATRI>* 7 2COM+ 3C]N$1 & S M EF-   #AG
=T 0 PUT 96,RALPH'S SOCIAL S*$ULE4 ,HE
F.D HMF ESCORT+ ,SIBYL1 ,C>OL9E1 ,ELIZA-
BE?1 & E O!R WOMAN :O MET ! BASIC CRITE-
RIA ( FAMILY & CLASS4 ,DUTI;LLY1 HE
OBLIG$1 B N"O (! WOM5 CD FULFILL 8 FAN-
TASY ( ROM.E4 ,& !N1 HE MET ,CL>A4
  ,Z A L>GE & W1L?Y FAMILY1 ! ,WILH]NS
EMPLOY$ A SUB/ANTIAL NUMB] ( S]VANTS4
,MO/ ( !M LIV$ 9 SP>SE ROOMS 9 ! MAN.N'S
ATTIC1 ?\< A FEW CAME DAILY F LOCAL
F>MS4 ,L 8 BRO!RS1 ,RALPH WASN'T T]RIBLY
AW>E ( !M1 & HE N"E ?"\ AB !M4 ,:5 HE
PUT ON A CL1N1 PRESS$1 :ITE %IRT E MORN-
+1 HE MI<T H EXP]I;ED A BRIEF MO;T (
SATISFAC;N AT ! S5SE ( WELL-2+ X PROVID-
$1 B X N"E O3URR$ 6HM T "S ACTUAL HUMAN
2+ _H WA%$ & IRON$ X4 ,HE MI<T EXCLAIM
AB ! TA/I;S (! ,SUN"D ROA/ *ICK5 & N
GIVE A ?"\ 6! FACT T "S"O _H COOK$ X4
  ,L MO/ P ( 8 CLASS1 HE LIV$ A -=TA#
LIFE )\T ?9K+ AB :Y OR H[ X _H -E 6BE S
-=TA#4 ,& HE CDN'T TELL ! DI6];E 2T ,M>Y
:O DID ! WA%+ OR ,S,Y :O SWEPT ! FLOORS
OR ,M>?A :O MADE ! B$S4 ,OR ,CL>A1 :O
*OPP$ ! VEGETA#S =! M1LS T ,COOK     #AH
PRODUC$4
  ,B "O ,SUN"D AFN1 ,CL>A TURN$ ,RALPH'S
-=TA# _W UPSIDE D[N4
  ,! FAMILY _H J F9I%$ _! EXT5SIVE ,SUN-
"D LUN*4 ,:ILE ! FOOD _H BE5 EXCELL5T &
PL5TI;L1 ,RALPH 0 FEEL+ "S:AT EMPTY4 ,AT
*UR* T MORN+1 HE'D SAT ) ,SIBYL ,H>R+-
TON4 ,8 P>5TS !N SP5T ! 5TIRE M1L EX-
TOLL+ ,SIBYL'S VIRTUES1 & URG+ ,RALPH TO
ASK ,SIBYL'S "F = H] H& 9 M>RIAGE4
  ,RALPH DIDN'T H ANY PRO#M ) ,SIBYL4
,%E 0 NO DI6]5T F ,C>OL9E OR ,ELIZABE?
OR ANY (! O!R POT5TIAL WIVES4 ,HE'D AC-
TU,Y 2GUN 63TEMPLATE -PLY+ ) 8 P>5TS'
DESIRE4 ,HE 0 ?9K+ T P]H HE 0 A FOOL TO
L;G = ROM.E & JOY1 ! PAS.NS T 7 OBLIQUE-
LY DESCRIB$ 9 8 FAVORITE NOVELS4 ,P]H S*
FEEL+S Z ^! 7 RES]V$ = POETRY AL"O &
DIDN'T EXI/ 9 ! R1L _W4
  ,RE/.S & DEPRESS$1 HE DECID$ 6G =A
WALK1 "S?+ T WD H 4TURB$ ! FAMILY IF
!Y'D "KN1 S9CE ,SUN"D WALKS 7 N A "P (
_! R\T9E4 ,! WEEKLY PROM5ADE 0 ALW TAK5
"? ! ,GRT ,P>K ON LATE ,SATUR"D AFN1 :5
ALL ! O!RS ( _! K9D DID _! PROME-    #AI
NADE4 ,6WALK AT ANY O!R "T SU7E/$ T "O
CD N AF=D A C>RIAGE4
  ,=TUNATELY = ,RALPH1 NO "O KNEW HE 0
AB 6TAKE A ,SUN"D WALK1 S9CE ! AF-
LUN*EON RITUAL ON ,SUN"DS 0 A L;G NAP4
,! O!R MEMB]S ( 8 FAMILY 7 ALL ASLEEP :5
HE SLIPP$ \ (! H\SE4 ,& 9 ORD] N 6BE
SPOTT$ 0ANY"O :O MI<T PASS HM 9 A C>-
RIAGE & !N REPORT 8 PECULI> 2HAVIOR 6HIS
P>5TS1 HE DECID$ 6D "S?+ S]I\SLY BIZ>RE3
HE WD TAKE A WALK 9 ! WOODS4
  ,HE _H BE5 9 ! WOODS ONCE 2F1 Z A BOY1
ON A NATURE HIKE L$ 0! LOCAL S*OOLMA/]1
:O CD PROVIDE ! ,LAT9 "NS = VEGET,N &
ID5TIFY POISON\S MU%ROOMS4 ,S HE KNEW T
"! 0 A PA?1 & T "! 7 NO WILD ANIMALS4
,:AT HE DIDN'T "K 0 T A C]TA9 KIT*5 MAID
F 8 [N H\SEHOLD (T5 SP5T ,SUN"D AFNS
PICK+ WILDFL[]S "!4 ,%E AL SE>*$ \ H]BS
= H] "M1 A NOT$ LOCAL WIT* 7N NOTA# TO
,RALPH1 ?\<1 S9CE1 L ALL ! ,WILH]NS1 HE
ONLY KNEW 8 [N K9D74
  ,Z ,RALPH AM#D D[N ! N>R[ PA? "? !
WOODS1 8 S5SES 7N "PICUL>LY ACUTE7 PICK$
UP ON A S.D T WASN'T 2+ MADE BY      #BJ
BIRDS4 ,X TOOK M ?AN A M9UTE = HM 6R1L-
LIZE T :AT HE 0 HE>+ 0 S++1 AN ACTIV;Y T
0 3SID]$ 9APPROPRIATE ON A ,SUN"D 7EX-
CEPT = HYMNS AT *UR*7 & T 0 N"E 5C.T]$ 9
! ,WILH]N H\SEHOLD ANYWAY4
  ,CURI\S 7AN ATTITUDE AL UNUSUAL =
,RALPH71 HE FOLL[$ ! S.D (! VOICE1 &
EV5TU,Y 4COV]$ XS S\RCE4 ,AT "S 4T.E F 8
TRAIL1 HE SAW A "Y WOMAN 9 A SMALL CLE>-
+4
  ,! WOM5 9 ! ,WILH]N SOCIAL CIRCLE _H
C]TA9 -MON ELE;TS ( APPE>.E4 ,_! HAIR 0
WORN 9 ! POPUL> SCULPT$ /YLE "KN Z A
POMPAD\R1 ": EA* LOCK 0 FA/5$ ) "S SORT
( P9 T HELD X 9 PLACE4 ,P]H X 0 UNFA/5$
AT NI<T :5 ! WOM5 W5T 6SLEEP1 B ,RALPH
WDN'T H "KN AB T4 ,FACES 7 KEPT \ (!
SUN1 & "!=E PALE1 & COSMETICS 7 ONLY US$
0WOM5 ( ILL REPUTE4 ,! WOM5 !Y KNEW SO-
CI,Y ALL SEEM$ 6H ! SAME TYPE ( BODY
TOO--FAT OR ?91 !Y WORE /I6LY WIR$ COR-
SETS T =C$ _! BODIES 96A SIMIL> %APE4
,ALL ITEMS ( CLO?+ 7 9 D>K COLORS1 & DE-
SIGN$ 6COV] E 9* ( FLE%4
  ,S "O CD ONLY IMAG9E ,RALPH'S      #BA
%OCK :5 HE SAW ,CL>A 9 ! WOODS4 ,%E 0 N
9 ! BLACK UNI=M WORN 0ALL FEMALE S]VANTS
9 ! ,WILH]N H\SEHOLD1 NOR 0 H] HAIR
PULL$ BACK 9 ! REQUISITE TI<T BUN4 ,?US1
,RALPH CD N RECOGNIZE H] Z A S]VANT 7ES-
PECI,Y S9CE HE N"E BO!R$ 6LOOK 96ANY S]-
VANTS' FACES71 B HE _H 6BE AW>E T %E 0 N
( 8 K9D4
  ,CL>A 0 A SLI<T1 WISPY GIRL ) DELICATE
LIMBS &A T9Y WAI/4 ,%E WASN'T A GRT B1U-
TY1 B H] FACE _H A SWEET PRETTI;S4 ,H]
EYES 7 BLUE1 & H] HAIR 0 FAIR & L;G1
HANG+ )\T RE/RIC;N ALM 6H] WAI/4 ,9
,RALPH'S EYES1 %E LOOK$ L A NYMPH1 A
SPRITE1 ! K9D ( UNTAM$ FAIRY-L CR1TURE
HE F.D 9 POETRY4
  ,H] FEET 7 B>E1 & %E WORE NEI HAT NOR
GLOVES4 ,%E 0 DRESS$ 9 A SKIRT & TOP (
"S V ?9 MAT]IAL T 0 PRACTIC,Y TRANSP>5T1
&! W>M? (! SUN _H PROVOK$ H] 6ROLL UP H]
SLEEVES4 ,%E 0 %[+ A GRT D1L M FEM99E
FLE% ?AN 0 NORM,Y SE5 9 PUBLIC1 B X
WASN'T AT ALL PROVOCATIVE4 ,! ^W T IMMLY
CAME 6,RALPH'S M9D Z A WAY 6DESCRIBE H]
0 .ROMANTIC4 ,A ^W HE'D N"E EX-      #BB
PECT$ 6BE A# 6APPLY 6"S?+ ALIVE & R1L4
  ,%E APPE>$ 6BE 9 ! PROCESS 7 GA!R+
WILDFL[]S1 & Z %E PICK$ !M %E SANG4
  8,LET ME L+] 9 ! VALLEY ) MY [N TRUE
LOVE1 LET U D.E 9 ! MOONLI<T "U />RY
SKIES ABV '''0
  ,HE V5TUR$ (F ! PA?1 /EPP+ ON A TWIG T
CRACK$ L\DLY4 ,! S.D MADE ! GIRL JUMP &
%E TURN$ 9 8 DIREC;N4
  ,AL?1 Z NOT$ E>LI]1 ,RALPH WASN'T !
BE/-LOOK+ (! ,WILH]NS1 8 APPE>.E WASN'T
UNATTRACTIVE4 ,HE 0 TALL & SL5D]1 ) D>K
WAVY HAIR1 H1VY-LI4$ EYES1 & G5],Y PA-
TRICIAN F1TURES1 AL? A L>GE DROOPY MUS-
TA*E HID A W1K *94 ,HE 0 WELL DRESS$ 9 !
FA%ION (! "D & WELL GROOM$1 UN>M$ 7)!
EXCEP;N (A WALK+ /ICK71 & HE PRES5T$ TO
,CL>A A FIGURE T 0 N AT ALL ?R1T5+4
  ,& YET1 %E 0 AL>M$1 & DROPP$ H] FL[]S4
  8,SIR60 %E GASP$4 8,OH1 SIR1 ,I'M T]-
RIBLY SORRY1 =GIVE ME40
  ,HE F.D H] SUBS]VI;E O4LY APP1L+4
8,:AT >E Y SORRY =80
  8,:Y ''' 2C ,I H 4TURB$ YR WALK1 SIR40
  8,NONS5SE10 ,RALPH SD4 8,X IS ,I   #BC
:O H 4TURB$ YR FL[] GA!R+4 ,& :Y D Y
CALL ME ,8SIR0'80
  8,2C Y >E MY MA/]1 SIR40
  ,HE R LIK$ ! S.D ( T4 8,>E Y SP1K+ 9 A
ROMANTIC 3TEXT1 MISS80
  8,NO1 SIR4 ,I "W = YR FAMILY4 ,I AM
,CL>A1 ! KIT*5 MAID4 ,I ASSI/ ,COOK40
  ,RALPH P\T$4 ,KIT*5 MAID _H A DECID$LY
UNROMANTIC FLAVOR4
  8,I *OP ! VEGETA#S10 ,CL>A A4$4
  ,HE RAIS$ 8 EYEBR[S HOPE;LLY4 8,IS X Y
:O CR1TES ! LL FL[]S F RADI%ES80
  8,YES1 SIR40
  .,T LIFT$ 8 _SS4 ,HE'D ALW ?"\ ^? RAD-
I%ES LOOK$ L LL ROSEBUDS1 & ROSEBUDS 7
C]TA9LY ROMANTIC4
  8,S YR "N IS ,CL>A10 HE SD4 ,HE ROLL$
! "N >.D 9 8 M\?4 8,CL-A-A-RA40 ,WELL1 X
WASN'T ,DULC9EA1 OR ,DESDEMONA B AT L1/
X WASN'T ,G]TRUDE4 8,& D Y "K MY "N80
  8,YES1 SIR4 ,MI/] ,WILH]N40
  8,"! >E FIVE ,MI/] ,WILH]NS 9 ! H\SE1
SIX 9CLUD+ ,"F4 ,D Y "K : ,MI/] ,WILH]N
,I AM80
  ,%E HESITAT$1 & HE ?"\ HE KNEW     #BD
:Y4 ,HE'D ALW 4LIK$ 8 F/ "N4 ,"! 7 RO-
MANTIC "NS = M51 L ,$MUND OR ,JONA?AN4
,B ,RALPH ''' HE CDN'T H "KN 9 #AHFJ T X
WD "O "D 2COME A SLANG EXPRES.N = VOM-
IT+1 B P]H HE 0 PRESCI5T1 2C HE S5S$ AN
UNPL1SANT 3NOT,N4
  8,X WD N 2 APPROPRIATE = ,I1 A S]VANT
GIRL1 6USE YR F/ "N1 SIR40
  8,!N ,I % GIVE Y A SPECIAL "N 6CALL
ME1 ,CL>A4 ,I AM '''0 ,HE RAN "? ! "NS (
H]OES 9 8 LATE/ R1D+S4 8,Y MAY CALL ME
,ROD]IGO40
  8,ROD]IGO1 SIR80
  8,J ,ROD]IGO1 N ,ROD]IGO SIR4 ,WE _C H
A PROP] REL,N%IP IF Y CALL ME SIR40
  8,REL,N%IP1 SIR8 ,I M1N1 ,ROD]IGO80
  8,YES1 MY DE>4 ,I 2LIEVE Y >E ! WOMAN
,I H BE5 WAIT+ = ALL MY LIFE40 ,HE TOOK
H] H& & KISS$ X4
  ,CL>A 0 V "Y1 B>ELY SIXTE51 & %E _H LL
EXP]I;E ( M54 ,H] "M SAW 6T1 KEEP+ H]
CLOSE 9 ! LL HOVEL !Y %>$ 9 ! WOODS1 ON-
LY ALL[+ H] \ = H] JOB 9 ! ,BIG ,H\SE1 &
6GA!R ! H]BS & BITS ( ANIMAL REMA9S NEC
= SPELLS4 ,%E TRI$ 6T1* ,CL>A !      #BE
TRICKS ( H] TRADE1 B %E _H -E 6R1LIZE T
,CL>A %[$ LL NATURAL TAL5T = WIT*CRAFT1
& _H DECID$ T H] DAU<T]'S PRETTY FACE &
SWEET NATURE WD 2 H] TICKET 6! GD LIFE4
,AT T MO;T 9 "T1 %E _H H] EYE ON A LOCAL
BLACKSMI?1 : WD 2 A BIG /EP UP F ! FAMI-
LY'S CURR5T SOCIAL /ATUS4
  ,:5 ,CL>A CAME HOME ) NEWS ( ,ROD]IGO1
H] PET "N = "O (! ,WILH]N HEIRS1 ! WIT*
0 A/ONI%$ & DELI<T$4 ,N"E CD %E H EX-
PECT$ H] SLI<TLY DIM DAU<T]1 :O _H A T5-
D5CY 6BR1K \ 9 RA%ES1 6RISE S HI< ON !
SOCIAL LA4]4 ,%E IMMLY W5T 6"W ON PREP>+
V>I\S PO;NS & SPELLS 6KEEP ! FLAMES (
LOVE BURN+4
  ,B "! DIDN'T SEEM 6BE ANY R1L NE$ = H]
6UTILIZE MAGIC4 ,2F %E'D EV5 _H A *.E TO
ADM9I/] ANY PO;NS OR CA/ ANY SPELLS1
,ROD]IGO_/,RALPH & ,CL>A _H JO9$ TGR &
2COME 9SEP>A# 7EXCEPT1 ( C\RSE1 = :5 %E
0 *OPP+ H] VEGETA#S--,RALPH DIDN'T "K ":
! KIT*5 0 LOCAT$ 9 ! ,WILH]N MAN.N & X
WD H BE5 UNSEEMLY = HM 6MAKE AN APPE>.E
"! ANYWAY74
  ,!Y WD MEET 9 ! EV5+S1 :5 ! O!R    #BF
MEMB]S (! FAMILY _H RETIR$ 6_! PRIVATE
B$ROOMS4 ,RALPH WD SLIP \ (! H\SE & MEET
H] 9 ! CLE>+1 ": %E WD S+ T LL S;G %E
LIK$1 & !Y WD FOLL[ XS 9/RUC;NS1 DANC+ 9
! MOONLI<T "U ! />S4 ,& !Y WD LIE 9 !
GRASS1 HOLD+ EA* O!R1 & HE WD RECITE PO-
ETRY %E DIDN'T "U/& 7B !N1 NEI DID HE74
  ,HE'D F.D :AT 0 MISS+ 9 8 LIFE4 ,!
,SIBYLS & ,C>OL9ES (! _W1 ^? PROP]1 COR-
SET$ "Y LADIES1 WD N"E S+ LOVE S;GS1 OR
D.E1 OR RUN B>EFOOT "? ! WOODS1 OR 5GAGE
9 C]TA9 O!R ACTIVITIES T ,RALPH & ,CL>A
5JOY$ IMM5SELY4 ,HE ?"\ AB H] 9CESSANT-
LY1 : MADE HM SMILE & CAUS$ 8 "M 6BE
3/ANTLY 9QUIR+ Z 6HIS DIGES;N4
  ,9 "T1 %E ASK$ HM 6MEET H] "M1 & HE 0
5?RALL$ )! NO;N4 ,HAV+ N"E MET A R1L
WIT*1 HE 5VI.N$ "S"O FANTA/ICAL4 ,HE'D
R1D 8 *ILDHOOD FAIRY TALES S HE KNEW %E
WD N 2 "PICUL>LY ATTRACTIVE1 B /1 %E 0
MAGICAL1 & T 0 ROMANTIC4
  ,HE WASN'T PREP>$1 H["E1 =! EXTREME
UGLI;S ( ,CL>A'S "M4 ,EM]G+ F ! RUND[N
WOOD5 %ACK 0 AN OLD1 B5T-OV] WOMAN1 )A
PIMPL$ NOSE1 A JUTT+ *91 & L;G       #BG
WILD GRAY HAIR1 L1N+ ON A CROOK$ /ICK4
,HE 0 M* RELIEV$ 6LE>N T H] APPE>.E 0 A
BY-PRODUCT ( H] C>E]1 T E SPELL CA/ LEFT
A M>K ON ! SPELLCA/]1 : 0 :Y "W+ WIT*ES
ALW LOOK$ L %E DID4 ,%E ASSUR$ ,RALPH T
,CL>A _H ABSOLUTELY NO 9CL9,N 62COME A
WIT* H]F1 & "!=E WD N"E LOOK L H] "M4
  ,"M & DAU<T] SEEM$ 6H A PL1SANT REL,N-
%IP1 AL? ! WIT* KEPT TELL+ ,CL>A %E 0
2COM+ PLUMP4 ,Z WEEKS PASS$1 ,CL>A'S
/OMA* 3T9U$ 6GR[4 ,EV5TU,Y1 !Y ALL FIG-
UR$ \ :Y1 & ,RALPH ASK$ ! WIT* = ,CL>A'S
H&4 ,! WIT* TOLD HM HE CD H ALL ( H]
DAU<T]'S BODY "PS1 & ,RALPH HAPPILY W5T
63VEY ! GLORI\S NEWS 6HIS P>5TS &
BRO!RS4
  ,! ,WILH]NS GA!R$ 9 ! LIBR>Y =! AN-
N\NCE;T1 & ,RALPH1 AF ONLY A FEW WR;G
TURNS1 0 A# 6MAKE X 6! KIT*5 6FET*
,CL>A4 ,CL>A1 H["E1 0 MA%+ POTATOES & AT
A "PICUL>LY CRUCIAL PO9T1 & SD %E WD JO9
!M ALL Z SOON Z %E 0 "?4 ,RALPH AL"O MET
! FAMILY 9 ! LIBR>Y4
  8,"M1 ,"F1 DE> BRO!RS1 ,I HOPE Y W %>E
9 MY JOY Z ,I TELL Y ,I H DECID$     #BH
6M>RY40
  ,! BRO!RS GAVE A R\S+ *E]1 & 8 "M
SI<$4 8,AT LA/40 ,! "F NO4$ 8 APPROVAL &
SD1 8,V GD1 MY BOY1 ,SIBYL W MAKE AN EX-
CELL5T WIFE40
  8,OH1 ,I'M N M>RY+ ,SIBYL10 ,RALPH SD4
  8,C>OL9E80 8 "M ASK$4 8,ELIZABE?80
  8,NO10 ,RALPH SD4
  ,"O ( 8 BRO!RS ASK$1 8,D WE "K ! WOM-
AN80
  ,RALPH 0 5JOY+ ! SUSP5SE4 8,MY BRIDE-
TO-BE IS NO /RANG] 6? H\SEHOLD40
  ,! LUMPS 9 ! MA%$ POTATOES 7 2+ UNU-
SU,Y T5ACI\S T "D1 S ,CL>A N"E MADE X 6!
LIBR>Y4 ,X 0 J Z WELL1 Z %E MI<T N H AP-
PRECIAT$ ! FAMILY REAC;N4
  8,I AM GO+ 6M>RY ,CL>A40
  8,CL>A80 8 "F REP1T$4 8,CL>A80 ,HE
TURN$ 6HIS WIFE4 8,D WE "K A ,CL>A80
  8,CL>A :O80 ,RALPH'S "M ASK$ HM4
  ,X DAWN$ ON ,RALPH T HE'D N"E LE>N$
,CL>A'S FAMILY "N4 8,CL>A6 ,! MAID1 ! "O
:O "WS 9 ! KIT*5 ) ,COOK4 ,! "O :O *OPS
! VEGETA#S4 ,"M1 Y'RE ALW SAY+ H[ M* Y
RELI% ^? LL RADI% ROSES4 ,CL>A HAS   #BI
ASSUR$ ME T :5 %E 2COMES ,MRS4 ,RALPH
,WILH]N1 %E W 3T9UE 6MAKE ^? LL ROSES4
,J = SPECIAL O3A.NS1 ( C\RSE40
  ,N"O (! ,WILH]NS1 ESPECI,Y ,RALPH1 0
"KN = HAV+ A GRT S5SE ( HUMOR1 : MAY H
EXPLA9$ :Y ! SU45 ERUP;N ( LAU<T] MADE
NO S5SE 6HM :ATSO"E4
  8,I AM PL1S$ 6SEE T ? NEWS MAKES Y
HAPPY10 HE SD UNC]TA9LY4
  8,V FUNNY1 MY BOY1 V FUNNY10 8 "F EX-
CLAIM$4 8,A GD JOKE40
  8,HI<LY AMUS+10 8 "M AGRE$4
  8,MEET MY SI/]-IN-LAW1 ! SCULL]Y
MAID10 8 ELDE/ BRO!R *ORTL$4 8,I M/ RE-
MEMB] 6TELL ? /ORY AT ! ,CLUB40
  8,YES1 ,I 0 ?9K+ P]H WE CD HOLD ! W$D+
RECEP;N "!10 ,RALPH SD1 & T SET (F ANO!R
R.D ( GU6AWS4
  ,X TOOK ,RALPH A :ILE 2F HE CAU<T ON
6! JOKE4 ,ULTIMATELY1 X 0 LEFT 6HIS "F
6EXPLA9 T A ,WILH]N DID N1 CD N1 WD N
M>RY A S]VANT GIRL4 ,X WASN'T D"O4 ,!
RULES ( SOCIETY WD N P]MIT X4 ,A C5TURY
OR M LAT]1 A DUKE MI<T M>RY A NANNY1 A
MILLIONAIRE CD M>RY 8 SECRET>Y1 B    #CJ
BACK !N ! M]E ?"\ (A BLUE-BLOOD$ ,WILH]N
EX*ANG+ V[S )A MEMB] (A L[] CLASS 0
UN?9KA#4
  ,RALPH 0 SURPRIS$4 ,HE ?"\ HE KNEW !
CODES \ 3DUCT1 B APP>5TLY "S ( !M _HN'T
SUNK IN4 ,& AL? ,CL>A _H T\*$ 8 ROMANTIC
SIDE1 HE RE,Y WASN'T A REBEL4 ,HE WASN'T
! TYPE 6FL\T 3V5;N 9 A RE,Y PUBLIC WAY4
,MAYBE 8 "F ?R1T5$ 6CUT HM (F )\T A
DIME1 ,I WASN'T SURE4 ,B X DIDN'T RE,Y
MATT]--,RALPH ,WILH]N AGRE$ 6UPHOLD !
FAMILY'S /&+1 & ASK$ ,SIBYL 6M>RY HM IN-
/1D4 7,%E TURN$ HM D[N1 B ,C>OL9E1 :O WD
H M>RI$ ! ,HUN*BACK ( ,NOTRE ,DAME 6GET
\ ( H] FAMILY HOME1 A3EPT$ HM47
  ,& POOR1 DESPOND5T1 PREGNANT ,CL>A
?REW H]F D[N A WELL4
  ,T 0 ! 5D ( ,CL>A1 B X WASN'T ! 5D (!
/ORY4 ,NE$.S 6SAY1 :5 ! WIT* LE>N$ ( H]
DAU<T]'S SUICIDE1 %E 0 DEVA/AT$2 & :5 %E
LE>N$ ! R1SON = X1 %E 0 FURI\S AT !
,WILH]N FAMILY4 ,& ON "O D>K1 MOON.S
NI<T1 %E HOB#D OV] 6! ,WILH]N MAN.N )A
SPECIAL MIX ( H]BS1 SPICES1 & "O F9ELY
GR.D HOG'S TAIL4 ,L1N+ ON H]         #CA
CROOK$ /ICK1 %E RECIT$ AN 9CANT,N ( H]
[N 9V5;N & SPR9KL$ H] NA/Y LL M>9ADE >.D
! H\SE4 ,!N %E RAIS$ ! /ICK1 PO9T$ X
T[>D ! H\SE1 & DCLD H] REV5GE ON ! FAMI-
LY4
  ,Y'D ?9K1 9 ALL FAIR;S1 %E WD FOCUS H]
CURSE ON ,RALPH1 :O _H DUMP$ H] DAU<T]4
,OR SIMPLY EXT5D ! CURSE 6! P>5TS :O =-
BID ! M>RIAGE &! BRO!RS :O LAU<$4
  ,B ! CURSE %E PLAC$ ON ! FAMILY _H F>-
R1*+ REP]CUS.NS--"NLY1 ME4 ,2C :AT RE,Y
IRK$ ! WIT* 0 ! :OLE CLASS ?+1 ! IDEA (
? UPP;Y >I/OCRACY :O 3SID]$ O!RS--L S]-
VANTS & WIT*ES--6BE WAY 2N !M4 ,S %E
CURS$ !M ) "S?+ T WD HURT A R&OM MEMB] (
_! BLUE-BLOOD$ DYNA/Y4
  ,! WIT* DCLD T ! NEXT FEMALE BORN 96!
,WILH]N FAMILY WD H ! FACE (A PIG4 ,&!
CURSE CD ONLY 2 LIFT$ :5 "S"O ( _! [N
K9D1 A TRUE BLUE BLOOD1 WD CLAIM H] TILL
D1? !Y DID "P4 ,ONLY :5 AN >I/OCRAT CD
A3EPT ! PIG-GIRL Z %E 0 WD ! CURSE 2
BROK54
  ,X 0 A PRETTY NA/Y CURSE1 B GIV5 :AT
HAPP5$ 6H] DAU<T]1 Y CDN'T RE,Y      #CB
BLAME H]4
  ,3SID]+ T ALL ? HAPP5$ M ?AN A HUNDR$
& FIFTY YE>S AGO1 Y'D ?9K ! CURSE WD H
MANIFE/$ XF L;G 2F MY BIR?4 ,UN=TUNATELY
--= ME1 AT L1/--! ,WILH]N M5 SEEM$ 6H
BE5 ABUNDANTLY 5D[$ ) ;Y *ROMOSOMES OR
"S?+4 ,=A HUNDR$ YE>S1 ONLY MALE PROG5Y
7 PRODUC$4 ,!N1 >.D FIFTY YE>S AGO1 MY
GRT-UNCLE ,LEON>D ,WILH]N & 8 WIFE1
,ELLA1 _H A BABY GIRL1 ,ISABEL4
  ,N[1 ? 0 2F ! "T :5 "! 7 TE/S T DET]-
M9$ A BABY'S SEX 2F BIR?1 S ALL ,WILH]NS
7 T5SE J 2F A BIR?1 ?\< ! LEVEL ( ANXIE-
TY _H DIM9I%$ "S:AT OV] ! YE>S Z P BE-
LIEV$ LESS & LESS 9 ! P[] ( WIT*ES &
WIT*CRAFT4 ,/1 ! O4S 7 T ! ,WILH]NS
CDN'T PRODUCE ONLY BOYS ="E1 & ,UNCLE
,LEON>D 9 "PICUL> 0 APPREH5SIVE4
  ,9T]E/+LY 5\<1 AC 6MY "F1 :O 0 A * AT
! "T1 ,AUNT ,ELLA DIDN'T SEEM 6BE WORRI$
AB ! CURSE AT ALL4 ,%E LAU<$ (F ! LEG5D
& MADE JOKES AB HAV+ A LITT] ( PIGLETS4
,! M SUP]/ITI\S MEMB]S (! FAMILY FE>$ %E
0 ACTU,Y 9VIT+ ! EVIL EYE 96H] HOME4
  ,S "EY"O 0 GRTLY RELIEV$ :5 BABY   #CC
,ISABEL 0 BORN A P]FECT LL GIRL1 &!
CURSE (! WIT* 0 4MISS$ Z NONS5SE4 ,:AT
FEW KNEW 0 ! FACT T ,ISABEL 0 N"E AT
RISK--,AUNTIE ,ELLA _H BE5 HAV+ AN A6AIR
)! *AU6EUR4 ,"! WASN'T A DROP ( ,WILH]N
BLOOD 9 T PRETTY *4
  ,S X 0 UP 6! NEXT G5],N 6FULFILL !
WIT*'S PROMISE4 ,I 0 N"E SURE IF MY "M
KNEW AB ! CURSE :5 %E M>RI$ MY "F4 ,MAY-
BE 0!N "EY"O _H =GOTT5 ALL AB X4
  ,SURPRISE4













                                     #CD
























              ,*APT] ,F\R            #CE

  ,:5 ,UNCLE ,LEON>D LE>N$ ( MY BIR?1 &
MY SN\T1 HE F9,Y R1LIZ$ T 8 2LOV$ WIFE
,ELLA _H DCVD HM ALL ^? YE>S E>LI]4 ,IN-
3SOLA#1 HE ?REW HMF \ A W9D[ ( _! P5T-
H\SE A"P;T4 ,MY "M ALW SD T 0 A LUCKY
BR1K--! SC&AL ( 8 SUICIDE TOOK "S (! AT-
T5;N AWAY F ! /ORIES & RUMORS AB ME4
  ,"! 7 A LOT ( PICTURES ( MY P>5TS F 2F
,I 0 BORN4 ,! ,WILH]NS 7 SOCI,Y PROM95T1
& ,JESSICA & ,FRANKL9 ,WILH]N 7 A POPUL>
C\PLE1 9VIT$ "EY": 6E SIGNIFICANT O3A.N4
,9 PRACTIC,Y E PHOTO1 MY "M WORE A GLAM-
OR\S DESIGN] DRESS1 ) JEWELS1 FURS1 ALL
! USUAL /UFF4 ,MY "F LOOK$ V DEBONAIR1 9
B1UTI;LLY TAILOR$ SUITS1 "S"TS TUX$OS4
,"! 7 PICTURES ( !M AT BALLS1 AT HORSE
RACES1 AT OP5+ NI<TS1 RECEP;NS = VISIT+
ROYALTY1 ALL K9DS ( ELEGANT EV5TS4 ,!Y'D
2 HOLD+ M>T9I GLASSES1 *AMPAGNE FLUTES1
L;G 2JEWEL$ CIG>ETTE HOLD]S4 ,!Y MI<T 2
DANC+1 SURR.D$ 0O!R B1UTI;L P4
  ,"! 0 ONLY "O PHOTO ( ME 9 ! SCRAP-
BOOK4 ,I 0 9 ! >MS (A T5SE-LOOK+
,JESSICA )A M\RN;L-FAC$ ,FRANKL9     #CF
/&+ J 2H H]4 ,MY BABY BLANKET _H BE5 >T-
;LLY >RANG$ 6COV] MY FACE4
  ,MY BIR? _H BE5 DEVA/AT+ = BO? ( !M1 B
ESPECI,Y = MY "M4 ,%E'D BE5 HAV+ A NATU-
RAL *ILDBIR?1 B ! M9UTE ,I EM]G$ & %E
SAW MY FACE1 H1VY-DUTY M$IC,N 0 REQUIR$4
  ,NE$.S 6SAY1 ONCE MY "M RECOV]$ F H]
9ITIAL HY/]IA1 ! F/ ORD] ( BUSI;S 0 TO
MAKE ME NORMAL4 ,MY P>5TS EXPLOR$ E POS-
SI# REM$Y = MY 3DI;N4 ,B T OLD WIT* 0 NO
DUMMY--%E M/ H =ESE5 ADV.ES 9 COSMETIC
SURG]Y & "W$ H] CURSE ACLY4 ,SURGEONS
TOLD MY P>5TS T ! C>OTID >T]Y RAN DI-
RECTLY "? ! SN\T1 UH1 NOSE1 & ANY AT-
TEMPT AT MODIFIC,N WD RESULT 9 MY D1?4
,I (T5 WOND]$ IF MY "M _H BE5 TEMPT$4
,9T]E/+LY 5\<1 ! ONLY O!R ITEM 9 !
SCRAPBOOK T REF]R$ 6ME 0 MY OBITU>Y NO-
TICE F A LOCAL NEWSPAP]4
  ..,JESSICA & ,FRANKL9 ,WILH]N ANN\NCE
) DEEP SORR[ ! UN"TLY D1? ( _! 9FANT
DAU<T]1 .,P5ELOPE '''
  ,( C\RSE1 "! 0 A P]FECTLY GD EXPLAN,N
= ?4 ,MY "M _H BE5 DET]M9$ 6KEEP MY
EXI/;E A SECRET1 B TOO _M P _H BE5   #CG
PRES5T AT ! DELIV]Y1 & WE 7 A PROM95T
FAMILY4 ,RUMORS (! BIR? (A PIG-GIRL GOT
>.D1 & TABLOID J\RNALI/S CAME CALL+4 ,2T
MY P>5TS & ,JAKE1 !Y 7 /OPP$ 9 _!
TRACKS1 & EV5TU,Y MO/ LO/ 9T]E/ :5 RU-
MORS (A FI%-BOY ) F9S POPP$ UP 9 A NE>BY
C.TY4
  ,B "! 0 "O "PICUL>LY P]SI/5T J\RNALI/1
A MAN "ND ,LEMON1 :O "W$ =! SL1ZIE/ (!
SL1ZY RAGS4 ,"SH[ ? FELL[ MANAG$ 6GET
HMF 9SIDE \R H\SE1 & HE ACTU,Y 3FRONT$
MY "M 9 ! KIT*5 ) ME 9 H] >MS4
  ,HE M/ H CAU<T H] 9 A "PICUL>LY BAD
MOOD4 ,JESSICA W5T 96A WILD FR5ZY1 & %E
LA%$ \1 /RIK+ HM 9 ! FACE )A KIT*5 UT5-
SIL4 ,Y WDN'T ?9K A S\P LADLE CD D M*
DAMAGE1 B LAT] %E LE>N$ T HE'D LO/ AN
EYE Z A RESULT (! ATTACK4 ,MY GUESS 0 T
? _H 6BE "O (! FEW JOY;L MO;TS %E'D EX-
P]I;ED S9CE MY BIR?4
  ,B N[ T MY EXI/;E _H BE5 7ALM7 3FIRM$
--,LEMON DIDN'T GET A GD %OT ( ME--%E
KNEW HE'D 2 BACK1 & M REPORT]S WD 2 -+1
TOO4 ,%E CD ONLY ?9K ( "O WAY 6W>D !M
(F4                                  #CH
  ,S MY D1? 0 FAK$1 AN EMPTY C(F9 0 BUR-
I$1 OR CREMAT$1 ,I 0 N"E SURE :4
  ,MY "F TOLD ME X 0 PRETTY AW;L = HM4
,HE WASN'T M* ( AN ACTOR1 & AL? 8 NATU-
RAL EXPRES.N 0 ALW A LL M\RN;L1 P ?"\ HE
SEEM$ LESS ?AN OV]COME ) GRIEF AT ! D1?
( 8 ONLY *4 ,MY "M ASSUR$ "EY"O X 0 DUE
6HIS /IFF-UPP]-LIP ,WILH]N UPBR++1 & %E
TRI$ 6MAKE UP = X 0WAIL+ L A BAN%EE4
  ,S "! 7 NO M PICTURES ( ME 9 ! SCRAP-
BOOK1 & N _M ( MY P>5TS1 EI4 ,!Y'D /OPP$
5T]TA9+1 S9CE !Y DIDN'T D>E LET ANY
GUE/S 96! H\SE = FE> !Y MI<T /UM# ACR
ME4 ,& !Y WDN'T G \1 2C !Y CDN'T TRU/
BABYSITT]S N 6SPR1D RUMORS4 ,!Y CD H
LEFT ME 9 ! H\SE ) ,JAKE1 B !Y / R>ELY
W5T \4 ,MY "M 0 ALW AFRAID T MY "F MI<T
H A DR9K OR TWO1 SLIP UP1 & M5;N ME4
,2SS1 A3EPT+ 9VIT,NS M1NT T EV5TU,Y !Y
WD H 6RECIPROCATE4
  ,S ,I GREW UP IMPRISON$ 9 A GILD$
CAGE1 ! ,WILH]N MAN.N4 ,HI45 F ! _W1 ,I
_H NO PLAYMATES4 ,I WDN'T SAY ,I 0 DE-
PRIV$--,I _H ALL ! MAT]IAL ?+S1 PLUS
NANNIES & TUTORS 6PROVIDE ME )       #CI
-PANY4 ,ANY"O :O MET ME _H 6SIGN A GAG
ORD]1 & ,I (T5 WOND]$ IF MY P>5TS RE-
SORT$ 6BRIB]Y OR ?R1TS 65=CE X4 ,OR MAY-
BE !Y SIMPLY _H E "O ( ^! TUTORS ASSAS-
S9AT$ :5 !Y LEFT _! JOBS4
  ,MY E>LIE/ MEMORIES 7 ( MY "M SAY+1
8,DON'T WORRY1 D>L+1 ? IS N Y4 ,Y >E N
YR NOSE4 ,? IS N YR R1L FACE1 X'S ! FACE
( YR GRT-GRT-GRT-GR&"F4 ,Y >E "SBODY
ELSE 9SIDE4 ,& "S"D1 Y'LL SEE ! R1L ,PE-
NELOPE40 ,:5"E %E 5C.T]$ LL ,P5ELOPE
GAZ+ 9 WOND];T AT H] REFLEC;N1 %E W5T
96H] LL SPEE*4 ,X 2CAME A MANTRA3 8,YR
FACE IS N YR FACE40 ,I WD HE> ! /ORY (!
CURSE AG1 : ,I ALR KNEW 0HE>T1 & !N %E
WD REM9D ME =! ZILLION? "T T ! CR1TURE
,I SAW 9 ! REFLEC;N WASN'T ! R1L ME4
  ,? 0 ! WAY ,I LIV$4 ,Z A "Y *1 ,I 0 A
PR9CESS1 DRESS$ UP B1UTI;LLY E MORN+ &
TR1T$ 0,JAKE )! K9D ( RESPECT NO * DE-
S]VES 6GET4 ,I WD H MY LESSONS )! TUTOR1
& :5 LESSONS 7 F9I%$1 ,I PLAY$ 9 MY
ROOM4 ,MY P>5TS SP>$ NO EXP5SE 9 PROVID+
ME )A PLAY-WOR?Y ROOM--"! 7 S&BOXES &
WAD+ POOLS1 DOLLS & TOYS1 A SW+ T    #DJ
HUNG F ! CEIL+4 ,I WD SIT ON X & SAIL
ACR ! ROOM1 F "O 5D 6! O!R1 & PRET5D 6BE
FLY+4 ,!N "! 0 D9N]1 & BA? & B$"T4
  ,I 0 ALL[$ \ 9 PUBLIC ONCE A YE>1 ON
,HALL[E54 ,E YE> ,I WD DRESS UP DI6]5T-
LY1 Z A FAIRY1 A C[GIRL1 A BALL]9A1 !
USUAL ,HALL[E5 CO/UMES 7?\< N"E A WIT*1
= OBVI\S R1SONS74 ,! MA9 REQUIRE;T =!
CO/UME 0 A MASK T WD -PLETELY COV] MY
FACE4 ,JAKE WD TAKE ME TRICK-OR-TR1T+1 B
,I 0 N"E ALL[$ 6JO9 9 ! GR\PS ( *N GO+ F
H\SE 6H\SE TGR4 ,ANY AC;N T CD L1D 6A
FR%IP 0 /RICTLY =BI454 ,NE$.S 6SAY1
,HALL[E5 2CAME & REMA9$ MY ALL-"T FAVOR-
ITE HOLI"D4
  ,0 ,I L"OLY8 ,I SUPPOSE S1 ?\< MAYBE
,I DIDN'T R1LIZE X AT ! "T4 ,AF ALL1 ,I
DIDN'T "K ANY O!R WAY ( LIFE EXI/$4
  ,AT B$"T1 MY "M WD RECITE H] 8YR FACE
IS N YR FACE0 MANTRA4 ,%E USU,Y FOLL[$ ?
UP 0S++ 8,"S ,"D ,MY ,PR9CE ,W ,-E10 F !
,4NEY V].N ( ..,SN[ ,:ITE &! ,SEV5
.,DW>FS4 ,!N MY "F WD R1D ME SPECIAL
V].NS ( TRADI;NAL FAIRY TALES T HE _H
REWRITT5 J = ME4 ,MY FAVORITE 0      #DA
..,H&"S &! .,B1/IE4
  8,ONCE ^U A "T1 "! 0 A MAN :O _H ?REE
SONS4 ,! "YE/ 0 V GD-LOOK+1 S HE 0 CALL$
,H&"S4 ,"O "D1 ! MAN 0 GO+ ON A BUSI;S
TRIP1 & HE ASK$ 8 ?REE SONS :AT !Y WD L
HM 6BR+ BACK = !M4 ,! F/ SON ASK$ =A
YA*T4 ,! SECOND SON ASK$ =A ,F]R>I4 ,B !
?IRD SON1 ,H&"S1 SD T ALL HE WANT$ 0 "O
P]FECT R$ ROSE4
  8,ON 8 BUSI;S TRIP1 ! MAN PUR*AS$ !
YA*T &! ,F]R>I & _H !M S5T BACK 6! TWO
SONS4 ,B HE LOOK$ 9 E FLORI/ %OP1 & HE
CDN'T F9D A P]FECT R$ ROSE ANY":4
  8,!N1 ON ! LA/ "D ( 8 TRIP1 HE PASS$ A
GRT CA/LE4 ,"!1 9 ! G>D51 HE SAW B1UTI;L
R$ ROSES4 ,HE SE>*$ =! MO/ P]FECT "O1
F.D X1 & PICK$ X = 8 "YE/ SON4
  8,SU45LY1 F \ (! CA/LE1 CAME A HORRI#
LADY B1/4 ,%E GRA2$ ! MAN4 ,8,Y W DIE =
/1L+ MY ROSE60'
  8,! MAN PL1D$1 ,8,OH1 PL1SE1 ,MADAM
,B1/IE1 SP>E MY LIFE4 ,! ROSE IS A GIFT
= MY SON40'
  8,8,!N Y MAY L1VE1 B Y M/ S5D YR "YE/
SON 6ME 9 YR PLACE4 ,& HE W H 6M>-   #DB
RY ME4 ,IF Y D N D ?1 ,I W -E AF Y40'
  8,! MAN 0 HORRIFI$1 B HE MADE ! PROM-
ISE 6,MADAM ,B1/IE4 ,:5 HE >RIV$ HOME1
HE TOLD 8 SONS ( 8 ADV5TURE4 ,HE DIDN'T
WANT 8 "YE/ SON 6L1VE1 B ,H&"S 0 AFRAID
T ,B1/IE WD -E = 8 "F1 S HE LEFT 6G 6!
CA/LE4
  8,:5 ,H&"S SAW ,B1/IE =! F/ "T1 HE 0
F"R5$4 ,B 6,H&"S'S SURPRISE1 ,B1/IE BE-
HAV$ V NICELY 6HM4 ,%E DIDN'T MAKE HM
M>RY H] "R AWAY4 ,%E GAVE HM NICE ?+S TO
EAT1 !Y _H 9T]E/+ 3V]S,NS1 & ,H&"S 5JOY$
2+ ) H]1 EV5 ?\< %E 0 V UGLY & HE DIDN'T
RE,Y L LOOK+ AT H]4
  8,B1/IE ALL[$ HM 6G AWAY & VISIT 8 "F1
B :5 HE RETURN$1 HE F.D T ,B1/IE 0 SICK
F MISS+ HM4 ,HE R1LIZ$ T HE 0 9 LOVE )
H]1 & HE SD HE WANT$ 6M>RY H]4 ,& SU45LY
"! 0 MUSIC & FIRE"WS & 6HIS GRT SUR-
PRISE1 HE SAW T ,B1/IE _H 2COME A B1UTI-
;L PR9CESS6 ,%E'D BE5 LIV+ "U ! CURSE (
AN EVIL WIT*1 & N UNTIL "S"O ( H] [N K9D
LOV$ H] CD ! CURSE 2 LIFT$4
  8,S ,H&"S M>RI$ ! ,PR9CESS1 & !Y LIV$
HAPPILY "E AF40                      #DC
  ,I AL HE>D MY "F'S V].N ( ..,! ,FROG
,PR9CE--,! ,PIG .,PR9CESS--A LOT4 ,MY
P>5TS DID "EY?+ POSSI# 6GIVE ME "S K9D (
SELF-E/EEM4 ,PORK *OPS OR BACON 7 N"E
S]V$ 9 ! ,WILH]N H\SEHOLD4 ,& NO "O 0
ALL[$ 6PLAY 8? LL PI7Y0 ON MY TOES4
  ,"! 0 A KNOCK ON MY DOOR4
  8,MISS ,P5ELOPE1 YR F\R O'C IS "H40
















                                     #DD
























              ,*APT] ,FIVE           #DE

  ,"M & ,W&A 7 WAIT+ = ME 9 ! D9+ ROOM4
,JESSICA SEEM$ CALM]--CLE>LY1 %E'D DE-
CID$ 6*ANGE H] APPROA*4
  8,P5ELOPE1 D>L+10 %E CROON$4 8,I'M V
SORRY ,I SPOKE S H>%LY 6Y E>LI]4 ,B ,I'M
ONLY DO+ ? = Y1 = YR FUTURE1 = YR HAPPI-
;S4 ,P5ELOPE6 ,>E Y LI/5+ 6ME80
  ,I WASN'T1 B ,I ANSW]$1 8,YES1 ,"M40
  8,P5ELOPE1 Y M/ PLAY YR "P 9 ?4 ,TELL
ME "S?+-->E Y HAPPY "R N[80
  ,AT L1/ ,I CD ANSW] ? "Q H"O/LY4 8,NO1
,"M40
  8,ALL "R1 !N4 ,N[1 >E Y R1DY8 ,? IS AN
IMPORTANT MEET+4 ,$W>D ,V&]MAN IS ! MO/
PROMIS+ C&IDATE WE'VE "E _H40
  ,= ONCE ,I DIDN'T H 6LI/5 6,W&A RECITE
MY SUITOR'S CR$5TIALS4 ,? 0 ,$W>D'S ?IRD
VISIT1 & ,I KNEW "EY?+ AB HM4 ,"! 0 NO
"Q AB X--HE MET ALL ! REQUIRE;TS 6BR1K !
CURSE4
  ,! ,V&]MANS 7 PROM95T1 W1L?Y1 & MO/
IMPORTANT1 BLUE-BLOOD$4 ,!Y CD TRACE _!
ANCE/RY BACK TO1 ,I DON'T "K1 ! ,/"O
,AGE OR "S?+1 & ,I "S"TS WOND]$ IF   #DF
,$W>D WASN'T MAYBE A ?R[BACK 6T "T :5
BRA9S 7 APPRECIABLY SMALL]4
  ,HE C]TA9LY _HN'T RETA9$ ANY (! A7RES-
SIVE MANN]ISMS ( 8 ANCE/ORS4 ,I CDN'T Q
IMAG9E ,$W>D )A CLUB 9 8 H&1 DRA7+ 8 *O-
S5 MATE 0H] HAIR 6HIS CAVE4 ,HE WDN'T H
! GUTS4 ,N T ,I WD "E WANT 6BE DRA7$ >.D
L T1 0,$W>D OR ANY MAN1 B ,I REMEMB]$
ONCE SEE+ A MOVIE ": A V SEXY CAVEMAN
DID J T4
  ,"? ! W9D[ ,I CD SEE MY VISITOR SLUMP$
9 8 *AIR4 ,$W>D--& HE 0 ! K9D ( P]SON :O
WD ALW 2 CALL$ ,$W>D1 N ,$ OR ,$DIE OR
ANY O!R NICK"N T IMPLI$ FAMILI>;Y1 W>M?1
& A6EC;N--,$W>D 0 .SAD4
  ,OKAY1 MAYBE ,I 0 2+ A LL UNK9D4
,PHYSIC,Y1 HE WASN'T HORRIFIC 7& SP1K+ Z
"O :O WAS1 ,I FELT QUALIFI$ 6MAKE T
JUDG;T74 ,9 FACT1 MO/ P WD SAY HE 0 A
NICE-LOOK+ MAN4 ,HE 0 WELL GROOM$ & WELL
DRESS$1 & 8 F1TURES 7 NORMAL & !Y 7 ALL
9 ! "R PLACES4
  ,X 0 P]SONAL;Y T KEPT ,$W>D BACK4 ,I 0
C]TA9 T :5 HE 0 A *1 HE 0 PICK$ ON 0!
O!R KIDS1 MAYBE B1T5 UP1 & ,I        #DG
WDN'T SAY HE DES]V$ X1 B ,I CD IMAG9E
:AT PROPELL$ ! O!R LL KIDS 6GANG UP ON
HM4 ,HE 0 A WALK+ VICTIM4 ,9 8 OP9ION1
NO?+ "E W5T WELL = HM1 BAD ?+S 7 ALW
HAPP5+ 6HM1 & X 0 N"E 8 [N FAULT4
  ,I REMEMB]$ 8 F/ VISIT 6ME4 ,HE'D />T$
(F 0TELL+ ME T NORM,Y HE WD N"E RESPOND
6A MAT*MAK+ S]VICE1 T HE DIDN'T H ANY
PRO#MS F9D+ GIRLS1 & T ! ONLY R1SON HE'D
SU3UMB$ 6,W&A'S 9VIT,N 0 T 8 P>5TS ?"\
HI<LY (! ,WILH]NS & _H 9SI/$ HE MEET !
,WILH]NS' MY/]I\S1 CURS$ DAU<T]4
  ,I RESPOND$ 0TELL+ HM T HE'D FULFILL$
8 OBLIG,N 6HIS P>5TS & M9E1 T CLE>LY HE
CD F9D 8 [N MATE1 & T HE CD T]M9ATE ?
VISIT & L1VE "R N[ ) NO H>D FEEL+S4
  ,HE FELL A"P -PLETELY4 ,SU45LY HE 0
P\R+ \ 8 GUTS1 TELL+ ME T ALL ^? GIRLS
:O *AS$ HM 7 9T]E/$ 9 HM ONLY 2C ( 8
FAMILY'S W1L? & SOCIAL /&+1 8 LOOKS1 &!
FACT T 8 "F [N$ "S HUGE 9DU/RY T ,$W>D
WD ULTIMATELY 9H]IT4 ,HE SD NO "O KNEW !
R1L ,$W>D1 T HE 0 A PRISON] ( 8 [N IM-
AGE1 & T HE'D N"E FELT RE,Y CLOSE 6ANY"O
9 8 LIFE4 ,I 0 ACTU,Y T\*$ 0HIS      #DH
3FES.N & ASK$ HM "QS AB HMF4
  8,:AT D Y L 6D :5 Y'RE AL"O1 ,$W>D80
  ,HE REPLI$1 8,I'M ALW AL"O1 ,P5ELOPE1
EV5 :5 ,I'M 9 A CR[D40
  8,:AT K9D ( MOVIES D Y L1 ,$W>D80
  8,MOVIES >E DI6ICULT = ME4 ,SAD MOVIES
MAKE ME ?9K AB MY [N LIFE4 ,HAPPY MOVIES
MAKE ME EV5 SA4] 2C ,I -P>E !M 6MY [N
LIFE1 : MAKES ME FEEL EV5 WORSE40
  ,NO MATT] :AT SUBJECT ,I BR"\ UP1 HE'D
TURN X >.D S X WD 2 AB HM4 ,I'D ASK 8
OP9ION ( N,NAL H1L? 9SUR.E & HE'D TELL
ME AB "S IMAG9$ M$ICAL AIL;T ( 8 [N4 ,I
0 LOS+ PATI;E4
  ,ON ! O!R H&1 HE CD LIFT ! CURSE IF HE
M>RI$ ME4 ,Z ,I MADE MYF -=TA# ON MY
LOVES1T1 MY "M SD1 8,MAYBE HE'S N ! MAN
( YR DR1MS1 ,P5ELOPE1 B HE'LL D40
  8,BE7>S C'T 2 *OOS]S10 ,W&A PO9T$ \4
  ,JESSICA GL>$ AT H]1 B ,I "U/OOD :AT
,W&A 0 SAY+4 ,! "ULY+ M1N+ WAS1 8,DON'T
BL[ ? "O1 ,P5ELOPE4 ,HE MAY 2 YR BE/
*.E40
  ,!Y 7 BO? "R4 ,I NE$$ A MAN 6SAVE ME1
6REL1SE ME F MY CURSE1 6GIVE ME A    #DI
LIFE4 ,X 0 TOO M* 6HOPE T ,I MI<T ACTU,Y
2 ATTRACT$ 6HM4 ,I TURN$ ON ! MICROPH"O4
  8,HELLO1 ,$W>D40
  ,I WDN'T SAY 8 FACE LIT UP AT ! S.D (
MY VOICE1 B AT L1/ "! 0 A GLIMM] ( EX-
PRES.N4
  8,P5ELOPE6 ,H[ >E Y80
  ,H[ 0 ,I8 ,H[ AB DEPRESS$1 ANGRY1 F$
UP ) MY LIFE &! 9JU/ICE ( X ALL ''' B T
WASN'T :AT ,$W>D WANT$ 6HE>4
  8,F9E1 ,$W>D4 ,H[ >E .Y80
  ,$W>D OBVI\SLY FELT NO OBLIG,N 6PRO-
VIDE ! EXPECT$ POLITE RESPONSE MO/ P
MADE4 ,HE REPLI$ ! WAY HE ALW DID4
  8,OH1 Y "K4 ,N UP 6P>40
  ,$W>D'S FAMILY 2L;G$ 6A GOLF CLUB1 S
HE FREQU5TLY US$ ? T]M 6DESCRIBE ! FACT
T HE WASN'T 9 ! BE/ _SS4 ,I'D 2GUN 6WON-
D] IF MAYBE ,I %D ADVISE HM 63SID] DE-
PRES.N Z 8 [N P]SONAL P>4
  ,B ,I DIDN'T4 ,I RESPOND$ 9 MY USUAL
SYMPA!TIC & 5DE>+ WAY4 8,I'M SORRY 6HE>
T1 ,$W>D4 ,:AT'S WR;G80
  8,I DON'T "K ": 62G940
  ,I /IFL$ A GROAN--^! MICROPH"OS    #EJ
PICK$ UP "EY?+4 8,>E Y HAV+ PRO#MS AT
"W8 ,IS YR "F GIV+ Y A H>D "T AG80
  8,:AT ELSE IS NEW80 ,$W>D SD GLUMLY4
8,HE IGNORES ME1 HE N"E LI/5S 6MY AD-
VICE4 ,OH1 ,P5ELOPE1 HE TR1TS ME L DIRT6
,YE/]"D HE BAWL$ ME \ 2C ,I DIDN'T F9I%
"S /UPID REPORT4 ,B :AT CD ,I D8 ,X 0
ALR FIVE O'C1 & ,I _H 6L1VE40
  8,:Y DID Y H 6L1VE80 ,I ASK$4
  8,2C X 0 FIVE O'C6 ,I'D ALR PUT 9 MY
EI<T H\RS40
  8,( C\RSE4 ,Y DON'T WANT 6TURN 96"S
K9D ( "WAHOLIC40
  8,& REMEMB] ,I TOLD Y LA/ "T AB T
SCRU6Y LL J]K HE HIR$8 ,! =EIGN] )! AC-
C5T8 ,WELL1 HE PROMOT$ ! J]K6 ,OV] ME60
  ,I TRI$ 6S.D SYMPA!TIC4 8,OH1 DE>4
,DID HE SAY :Y80
  8,OH1 "! 0 "S NONS5SE AB PRODUCTIV;Y4
,HE ACTS L ! ONLY R1SON HE LETS ME "W "!
IS 2C ,I'M 8 SON40
  ,PROBABLY A GD CALL1 ,I ?"\4 8,H['S
LIFE AT HOME1 ,$W>D80
  8,OH1 ,I'M TR1T$ T]RIBLY "!1 TOO4 ,MY
"M IS 3/ANTLY NA7+ ME 6CL1N MY       #EA
ROOM4 ,Z IF WE DIDN'T H S]VANTS6 ,& YES-
T]"D %E SCOLD$ ME 2C ,I CAME HOME F "W =
A LL NAP 9 ! AFN4 ,%E SD MY "F DOESN'T
LET O!R EMPLOYEES H NAPS4 ,WELL1 S :AT8
,:AT'S ! PO9T ( 2+ A ,V&]MAN IF Y C'T H
"S PRIVILEGES8 ,B %E ALW TAKES MY "F'S
SIDE4 ,!Y'RE BO? ALW PICK+ ON ME40
  ,8 :9+ 0 2G9N+ 6GRATE ON MY N]VES1 B
,I /AY$ CALM4 8,I'M SURE !Y J WANT :AT'S
BE/ = Y1 ,$W>D40
  8,HA60 HE CROAK$ BITT]LY4 8,I'M N"E GD
5 = !M4 ,P5ELOPE1 Y H NO IDEA :AT X'S L
6BE AN ONLY *40
  ,I DIDN'T BO!R REM9D+ HM T ,I1 TOO1 0
AN ONLY *4 8,MAYBE Y %D ?9K AB MOV+ \1
GETT+ YR [N PLACE40
  8,I CD '''10 HE SD SL[LY4 8,IF ,I F.D
"S"O ,I CD LIVE )4 ,ACTU,Y1 ,I'VE BE5
?9K+ AB T A LOT LATELY4 ,MY P>5TS SD
!Y'D BUY ME A H\SE IF ,I SETTL$ D[N )A
NICE GIRL F A GD FAMILY4 ,I SUPPOSE !Y
WANT GR&*N40 ,HE SI<$4 8,TYPICAL4 ,!Y
ONLY ?9K AB !MVS40
  ,I SWALL[$ & TOOK A DEEP BR1?4 8,D '''
D Y "K ANY"O L T1 ,$W>D8 ,"S"O Y'D   #EB
WANT 6M>RY & SETTLE D[N )80
  8,ACTU,Y1 T'S "S?+ ,I WANT$ 6TALK 6Y
AB40
  8,OH1 RE,Y80
  8,& N J 2C Y'RE A ,WILH]N4 ,( C\RSE1 !
FACT T YR BLOOD IS Z BLUE Z \RS WD MAKE
MY P>5TS V HAPPY4 ,B X'S M* M ?AN T4
,OH1 ,P5ELOPE ''' Y'RE MY ONLY FR1 ! ON-
LY P]SON :O C>ES AB ME1 ! ONLY "O :O
LI/5S 6ME4 ,P5ELOPE ''' ,I ?9K ,I'M
FALL+ 9 LOVE ) Y40
  ,I CD FEEL MY "M & ,W&A BR1?+ D[N MY
NECK4
  8,Y "U/& MY FEEL+S1 Y C SEE 2Y MY "N1
MY M"OY1 MY GD LOOKS4 ,Y "K ,I'M M ?AN A
RI*1 H&"S >I/OCRAT4 ,& ,I "K Y M/ 2 M
?AN YR CURSE4 ,Y H ! S5SITIV;Y 6SEE !
R1L ME1 6LET ME %[ Y H[ S5SITIVE ,I AM4
,LET ME "K Y1 ,P5ELOPE--! .R1L Y4 ,LET
ME SEE 2Y YR CURSE40
  8,N YET10 ,W&A HISS$ 9 MY E>4 ,B ,I
WASN'T S SURE AB T4 ,$W>D'S VOICE _H AC-
TU,Y T\*$ ME--X 0 POSITIVELY PLA9TIVE4
  8,I H ? FEEL+1 ,P5ELOPE1 T Y'RE ! "O4
,NO1 NO1 T'S N "R1 X'S M1 M* M ?AN   #EC
SIMPLY A FEEL+4 ,I ."K Y'RE ! "O1 MY "O
& ONLY4 ,Y N"E NAG ME L MY "M4 ,Y WDN'T
C>E IF ,I TOOK NAPS4 ,Y A3EPT ME J ! WAY
,I AM40
  ,HE MOV$ CLOS] 6! W9D[4 8,P5ELOPE1 IS
X AT ALL POSSI# T Y CD FEEL ! SAME AB
ME80
  8,X'S ''' POSSI#10 ,I SD C>E;LLY4 ,I
_H A SU45 URGE 6T\* MY SN\T 6SEE IF X 0
GR[+4
  8,P5ELOPE1 .PL1SE4 ,I'M BE7+ Y4 ,-E TO
ME4 ,-E \40
  ,HE LOOK$ S PA!TIC1 /&+ "! 2F ME4 ,HE
0 S* A NO?+1 AN ANNOY+ N]D ) NO P]SONAL-
;Y1 A :9Y LL SPOIL$ BRAT4 ,A SPOIL$ BRAT
:O _H ! ABIL;Y 6LIFT MY CURSE4
  ,I MOV$ SWIFTLY1 2F MY "M OR ,W&A CD
/OP ME1 2F ,I CD /OP MYF ) SECOND ?"\S4
,I 0 A# 6GET "? ! DOOR 2F !Y CD EV5 CRY
\ OR REACT4
  8,$W>D '''0
  ,HE TURN$ 6ME4 ,& "! X WAS--T LOOK4
  8,OHMIGOD40
  8,$W>D80 ,I TOOK A /EP T[>D HM4 8,X'S
ME1 ,P5ELOPE40                       #ED
  ,HE TOOK A /EP BACKW>D4 8,NO40
  8,YES40
  8,NOOOOOOOO60 HE H[L$4 ,HE TOOK ANO!R
/EP BACKW>D4 8,DON'T -E ANY CLOS]6 ,KEEP
BACK6 ,/AY AWAY F ME60 ,HE LOOK$ >.D
FRANTIC,Y4 8,"SBODY1 HELP ME6 ,HELP ME60
  8,$W>D1 /OP X4 ,I'M N GO+ 6HURT Y10 ,I
SD1 B )\T ?9K+ ,I TOOK ANO!R /EP T[>D HM
:ILE ,I SPOKE4 ,$W>D W5T OV] ! $GE4 ,I
CD / HE> ! E*O ( 8 SCR1MS L;G AF HE'D
FL$ ! ROOM4













              ,*APT] ,SIX            #EE

  8,H[ YA DO+1 ,LEMON80
  8,N BAD10 ! REPORT] REPLI$4 ,:ILE 8 "O
GD EYE ADJU/$ 6! H>% FLUORESC5T LI<T+ (!
POLICE /,N1 HE FI4L$ )! PAT* OV] ! O!R
EYE4 ,"!'D BE5 A "T :5 HE'D HOP$ T ! UN-
=TUNATE LOSS ( 8 EYE WD L1D 6A COOL PI-
RATE NICK"N--,CAPTA9 ,HOOK1 ,JACK ,SP>-
R[1 "S?+ L T4 ,B X WASN'T 6BE4 ,AF
TW5TY-FIVE YE>S1 HE _H -E 6A3EPT T HE WD
ALW 2 "KN 0HIS LA/ "N1 ! "N 5D[$ 0HIS
FAMILY--.,LEMON4 ,L A US$ C> T TURN$ \
6BE WOR?.S4 .,LEMON1 SYNONYM\S ) .LOS]4
,: MADE S5SE1 S9CE1 AF A QU>T] (A C5TU-
RY1 HE 0 / A NOBODY REPORT] ON ! SAME
OLD B1T4
  8,ANY?+ HAPP5+1 ,AL80 HE ASK$ ! S]G1NT
AT ! DESK4
  8,N M*4 ,F\R-C> PILEUP ON ! HI<WAY4
,BR1K-IN ON ,EI<TY-F\R? ,/REET4 ,A BRAWL
2H ! ,MADISON40
  ,LEMON P]K$ UP4 ,! ,MADISON 0 A PRETTY
UPSCALE HOTEL4 8,ANY CELEBRITIES IN-
VOLV$80
  8,NAH40                            #EF
  ,! DOOR 6! /,N BUR/ OP51 &A 4TRAU<T
MAN BUR/ IN4 8,HELP6 ,I NE$ HELP60 ,HE
LOOK$ OV] 8 %\LD] FE>;LLY4 8,IS %E 2H
ME80
  8,"S?+ WR;G1 SIR80 ! S]G1NT ASK$4
  8,I'VE BE5 ATTACK$60
  8,YES1 SIR4 ,:O ATTACK$ Y80
  8,N :O1 .:AT6 ,A CR1TURE1 A MON/]6 ,Y
H 6G AF H]1 >RE/ H]1 LOCK H] UP60
  ,A C\PLE ( COPS SNICK]$1 &! S]G1NT 2H
! DESK ROLL$ 8 EYES4 8,YES1 SIR1 A MON/]
ATTACK$ Y1 T'S J T]RI#4 ,HEY1 ,JOE1 WE
GOT SPACE 9 ! TANK = HM 6SLEEP X (F80
  8,I AM N DRUNK60 ! MAN DCLD 9DIGNANT-
LY4
  8,J CALM D[N1 SIR40
  8,D Y "K :O ,I AM80
  8,NO1 SIR1 ,I'M AFRAID ,I DON'T40
  ,B ,LEMON DID4 ,HE'D SU45LY RECOGNIZ$
! FACE F 8 NEWSPAP]'S SOCIETY PAGE4
8,Y'RE ,V&]MAN'S SON1 >5'T Y80
  8,I AM ,$W>D ,V&]MAN ,JUNIOR1 YES4 ,&
,I'M TELL+ Y T A MON/] HAS ATTACK$ ME40
  ,! S]G1NT GROAN$1 B HE TOOK \ A =M &
WROTE D[N ! VICTIM'S "N4 8,C Y 2 M   #EG
SPECIFIC1 ,MR4 ,V&]MAN8 ,:AT K9D ( MON/]
0 X80
  8,HAV5'T Y BE5 LI/5+ 6ME80 ,$W>D CRI$4
8,N .X1 .%E60
  8,AH1 A FEMALE MON/]4 ,F\R >MS1 EI<T
LEGS80
  ,$W>D %OOK 8 H1D FI]CELY4 8,NO1 NO
'''0
  8,! H1D (A DRAGON80
  8,NO1 N A DRAGON4 ,A PIG40
  ,LEMON DREW 9 8 BR1? %>PLY4 8,Y SAW A
WOMAN :O LOOK$ L A PIG80
  8,OH1 Y1H1 ,I ?9K ,I "K H]10 "O (!
COPS SD4 8,S.DS L ! B1/ MY BRO!R-IN-LAW
FIX$ ME UP ) LA/ WEEK40 ,! GUYS CRACK$
UP1 B ,LEMON DIDN'T JO9 IN4 ,? WASN'T J
! SON (A TYCOON HAV+ A N]V\S BR1KD[N4
,HE _H A GUT FEEL+ "! 0 A BI7] /ORY "H4
  ,$W>D ?REW HMF ACR ! S]G1NT'S DESK4
8,DON'T LET !M LAU< AT ME6 ,I "K :AT ,I
SAW6 ,%E _H ! FACE (A PIG4 ,) FANGS60
  8,OKAY1 FELL[1 J CALM D[N4 ,TAKE A
DEEP BR1?40 ,\ (! CORN] ( 8 M\?1 ! S]-
G1NT MUTT]$1 8,GET "S CU6S40
  ,LEMON /EPP$ =W>D4 8,T WON'T 2     #EH
NEC1 ,AL4 ,HE'S ) ME40 ,HE ?RU/ AN >M "?
,V&]MAN'S4 8,-E ) ME1 ,$W>D4 ,I WANT TO
HE> ALL AB YR PIG-LADY40





















              ,*APT] ,SEV5           #EI

  ,MASS HY/]IA _H TAK5 OV] ! ,WILH]N
H\SEHOLD4 ,MY "M 0 SO2+ BUCKETS ( TE>S &
WAIL+ AT ! TOP ( H] LUNGS :ILE MY "F
TRI$ 6-=T H]4 ,W&A 0 SCR1M+ AT ,JAKE4
  8,:AT D Y .M1N Y CDN'T CAT* HM80
  ,JAKE1 9 TRUE BUTL] FA%ION1 REMA9$
CALM4 8,I'M T]RIBLY SORRY1 MADAM1 B ,I
DIDN'T EXPECT HM 6REACT S DRAMATIC,Y4 ,&
HE MOV$ ) EXTRAORD9>Y SPE$4 ,I RAN Z FA/
Z ,I CD1 B 0! "T ,I'D R1*$ ! FRONT
GATES1 HE _H 4APPE>$40
  8,I CD CALL ! POLICE10 MY "F (F]$4
8,!Y CD PUT \ AN ALL PO9TS BULLET940
  8,FRANKL91 HE DIDN'T -MIT A .CRIME60
MY "M %RIEK$4 8,Y C'T H A MAN >RE/$ 2C
HE DIDN'T SIGN A GAG ORD]60 ,%E PAC$ !
ROOM4 8,WE'RE F9I%$1 F9I%$6 ,! ^W W 2
ALL OV] T[N 0TM4 ,WE'LL H 6*ANGE \R "NS1
MOVE AWAY1 .F> AWAY40 ,%E /OPP$ 6GL>E AT
ME4 8,& Y1 ,P5ELOPE1 :Y1 :Y1 .:Y DID Y
REV1L YRF L T8 ,X 0 TOO SOON60
  8,"M1 :AT ELSE CD ,I D8 ,HE 0 BE7+ ME
6-E \40
  8,Y CD H PUT HM (F40               #FJ
  8,= H[ L;G8 ,HE 0 ALR SAY+ HE LOV$ ME4
,EV5TU,Y HE'D H 6.SEE ME4 ,I DON'T ?9K
PUTT+ X (F WD H MADE ANY DI6];E40
  8,WELL1 WE'LL N"E "K N[1 W WE80 MY "M
FUM$4 8,I WOND] IF WE %D RAISE YR D[RY4
,MAYBE T WD TEMPT ,$W>D BACK40
  8,JESSICA1 ! ,V&]MANS >E W1L?Y10 MY "F
PO9T$ \4 8,J Z ALL ! P L U >E4 ,A L>G]
D[RY WDN'T 9FLU;E !M40
  ,I CDN'T TAKE ANY M ( ? MAD;S4 8,IF Y
W ALL EXCUSE ME1 ,I'M GO+ 6! SOL>IUM10
,I ANN\NC$1 & NO "O TRI$ 6/OP ME4
  ,B ,I F.D NO -=T 9 ! SOL>IUM4 ,EV5 MY
PLANTS LOOK$ SAD & HOPE.S4 ,! SUN 0 SET-
T+1 S ,I TURN$ ON ! FAKE-SUN LI<TS4 ,UN-
=TUNATELY1 ,I 0 !N A# 6CAT* A GLIMPSE (
MY REFLEC;N 9 ! %AD[S ON ! GLASS4 ,IF "!
0 ANY?+ UGLI] ?AN A PIG-FAC$ GIRL1 X 0 A
PIG-FAC$ GIRL CRY+4
  ,AN AW;L MEMORY CAME RU%+ BACK4 ,I
CDN'T H BE5 M ?AN SIX OR SEV51 & ,I'D
W&]$ 96A GUE/ B$ROOM = "S R1SON4 ,F !
W9D[1 ,I _H A VIEW ,I'D N"E _H 2F4 ,X M/
H BE5 "S SORT ( S*OOL PLAYGR.D--,I CD
SEE *N PLAY+1 RUNN+ >.D1 TOSS+       #FA
BALLS BACK & =?4
  ,X 0 ! F/ "T ,I'D "E SE5 R1L1 LIVE *N
MY [N AGE4 ,=A :ILE1 ,I J WAT*$ 9 AWE &
AMAZE;T4 ,O3A.N,Y1 ! E*O (A GI7LE OR A
SQU1L WD R1* MY E>S4
  ,I'D N"E _H ANY O!R *N >.D ME1 & ,I
WANT$ 6PLAY ) !M4 ,HURRY+ \ (! ROOM1 ,I
W5T D[N ! BACK /AIRS (! H\SE4 ,I WASN'T
EV5 TRY+ 6HIDE MYF1 B NOBODY SAW ME Z ,I
RAN "? A W>R5 ( ROOMS & \ A DOOR4 ,FOL-
L[+ ! S.D (! VOICES1 ,I CIRCL$ ! H\SE4
,! MAN.N 0 SURR.D$ 0GATES & H$GES1 B ,I
0 A# 6P9PO9T ! PLACE ":1 J Y>DS AWAY &
BLOCK$ F VIEW1 ! *N 7 PLAY+4
  ,I CDN'T R1* !M1 ( C\RSE1 OR EV5 SEE
!M "? ! B>RI]S4 ,B !N1 MIRACLE ( MIRA-
CLES1 A BALL CAME FLY+ OV] ! GATE4 ,I
HE>D ! KIDS YELL+1 & ,I WOND]$ IF ,I %D
YELL BACK4 ,I DIDN'T NE$ TO4 ,APP>5TLY1
A C\PLE ( !M 7 GD CLIMB]S4 ,TWO H1DS AP-
PE>$ AT ! TOP (! H$GE4
  8,HEY1 GIRL1 C Y ?R[ BACK \R BALL80 "O
( !M CALL$8 ,I LOOK$ UP4
  ,! SCR1MS (! TWO KIDS BR"\ O!R KIDS
CLIMB+ UP ! GATE 6SEE ME4 ,HALF 7    #FB
SCR1M+1 HALF 7 LAU<+4 ,_! CRIES DREW \
MY "M & ,JAKE4 ,! NEXT ?+ ,I KNEW1 ,I 0
2+ SCOOP$ UP 0MY "M :ILE ,JAKE *AS$ (F !
*N4 ,I N"E KNEW IF !Y GOT _! BALL BACK4
  ,I _H CRI$ T "D4 8,:Y DID !Y LAU< AT
ME1 ,MOMMY80 ,I'D ASK$4 8,:Y 7 !Y AFRAID
( ME8 ,0 X MY FACE80
  8,T'S N YR FACE10 MY "M SD OV] & OV]4
8,X'S ! CURSE4 ,"S"D Y'LL H YR R1L FACE1
& NO "O W SCR1M :5 !Y SEE Y40
  ,B EV5TU,Y ,I R1*$ MY TE5S1 ,I /
DIDN'T H MY R1L FACE1 & T'S :5 ,I />T$
CRY+ ON PRETTY M* A FULL-"T BASIS4











              ,*APT] ,EI<T           #FC

  ,BOOKS4 ,I _H A LOT ( BOOKS4 ,!Y 7 MY
BE/ FRS & MY WOR/ 5EMIES4
  ,UNTIL ,I 0 TWELVE OR ?IRTE51 R1D+ 0 A
PL1SURE4 ,I MOV$ F FAIRY TALES 6FANTA-
SIES1 /ORIES ) DRAGONS & TROLLS1 MY?S1
SCI;E FIC;N1 ALI5 _WS4 ,X 0 ALL PRET5D1
: SUIT$ ME J F9E4 ,X 0 BETT] ?AN HAV+ TO
RELY ON MY [N IMAG9,N ALL ! "T = 5T]TA9-
;T4
  ,B !N ,I 4COV]$ BOOKS T _H 6D ) R1L
LIFE4 ,BIOGRAPHIES1 BOOKS AB TRAVEL1
MEMOIRS1 & J\RNALS4 ,FIC;N1 TOO1 NOVELS1
T DIDN'T 9VOLVE MAGIC OR 9T]GALACTIC
SPACE BATTLES B T TOOK PLACE 9 ! R1L _W1
) "*S MY AGE :O DID ?+S1 :O W5T 6HI<
S*OOL & PLAY$ SPORTS1 :O _H FRS1 :O FELL
9 LOVE4 ,T'S :5 ,I R1LIZ$ :AT ,I 0 MISS-
+4 ,& T'S :5 ,I GOT RE,Y MAD4 ,IF A TYP-
ICAL TE5AG] CD FEEL T LIFE 0 UNJU/ 2C H]
BOOBS 7 SMALL1 IMAG9E H[ ,I FELT4
  ,I WANT$ 6HANG \ AT MALLS1 G 6D.ES1
TRY \ = *E]L1D+4 ,ALL ,I CD D 0 R1D AB
LIFE4 ,I CDN'T .LIVE X4
  ,I TRI$ HO2IES4 ,I TOOK UP PA9T-   #FD
+1 POTT]Y1 KNITT+4 ,I _H PIANO LESSONS
7A MAJOR C\P = MY P>5TS1 :O LOCAT$ A BL
PIANO T1*]74 ,B ,I _H 6D ALL ( ^! ?+S
AL"O1 & ,I GOT BOR$ ) !M4 ,I PLAY$ *ESS
) MY "F1 : ,I ACTU,Y LIK$1 B N 5 6PLAY
SIX H\RS A "D4 ,I WASN'T A N]D1 = CRY+ \
L\D4
  ,MY "F 0 V ANTI-TELEVI.N1 S ,I _HN'T
BE5 EXPOS$ 6M* ( T1 B 0! "T ,I 0 FIFTE5
,I 0 -PLA9+ S M* AB MY DEPRIV$ LIFE T HE
BROKE D[N & PUT "O 9 MY B$ROOM4 ,MY G5]-
AL /ATE ( M9D W5T F BAD 6WORSE4
  ,TE5S ON ,,TV _H X ALL--!Y 7 B1UTI;L1
!Y W5T 6! B1*1 !Y _H DRAMATIC LOVE AF-
FAIRS4 ,( C\RSE1 ,I DIDN'T "K !N T "! 0
M FANTASY 9 T TE5 ,,TV _W ?AN "!'D BE5 9
MY FAIRY TALES4 ,= ME1 ! ,,TV %[S DIDN'T
J PROVIDE 5T]TA9;T1 !Y 3FIRM$ ! 9JU/ICE
( MY _W & GAVE ME M EXCUSES 6CRY4
  ,ULTIMATELY1 ,I 4COV]$ VIDEO GAMES1
,N9T5DO1 & ,PLAY,/,N1 : KEPT ME AMUS$ =
"S "T4 ,!N "! 7 *AT ROOMS & VIRTUAL R1L-
;Y ,WEB SITES1 ": ,I CD RE9V5T MYF & H
"S?+ T REMOTELY RESEM#D -MUNIC,N ) O!R
P4 ,I TOOK 6WRIT+ BAD D>K POETRY 9   #FE
A FEE# IMIT,N ( ,SYLVIA ,PLA?1 & ,I BE-
CAME AN EXP]T AT GIV+ MYF HOME MANI-
CURES4
  ,& "SH[ ,I MADE X 6! AGE ( EI<TE54 ,T
0 :5 MY "M _H HIR$ ,W&A1 F A PROFES.NAL
MAT*MAK+ AG5CY1 6ASSI/ H] 9 ! TASK 6: %E
CD N[ DEVOTE H]F3 F9D+ ,PR9CE ,*>M+1 :O
WD FALL 9 LOVE ) ME S DEEPLY T HE CD AC-
CEPT MY FACE & M>RY ME S ! CURSE WD 2
LIFT$4
  ,LIFE ) ME CDN'T H BE5 EASY = MY P>-
5TS4 ,X WASN'T EASY = ANY ( U1 LIV+ 9 A
FAIRY TALE ) NO HAPPY 5D+ 9 SI<T1 :5 "!
0 A R1L _W \ "! "S": T WE CDN'T T\*4 ,&
"H ,I 0 N[1 AT ! AGE ( TW5TY-FIVE2 P 7 /
RUNN+ AWAY F ME1 & ,I 0 / CRY+4
  ,/OP X1 ,I ORD]$ MYF4 ,$W>D ,V&]MAN IS
N WOR? YR TE>S4 ,Y DIDN'T EV5 L HM6
  ,B MAYBE T 0 :Y ,I 0 CRY+4 ,2C "! RE-
MA9$ T "O HORRI# FACT3 ,IF A PA!TIC
CR1TURE L ,$W>D ,V&]MAN1 :O 0 DESP]ATE
6GET M>RI$1 RAN AWAY F ME 9 HORROR--:O
WDN'T8 ,I WOND]$ IF MAYBE X WDN'T 2 BE/
6GIVE UP "R N[1 &--& D :AT8 ,KILL MYF8
,NO1 X WD BR1K MY POOR "F'S HE>T &   #FF
HE'D 2 OV]COME ) GUILT4
  ,2SS1 ,I DIDN'T WANT 6DIE4 ,I WANT$ TO
.LIVE4 ,N L ?1 HI45 AWAY1 ALL AL"O4 ,I
WANT$ 6LIVE L R1L P1 NORMAL P4 ,! P ,I
R1D AB1 ! "*S ,I SAW ON ,,TV--OKAY1 MAY-
BE N .!M1 S9CE ,I DIDN'T H ANY R1L 9T]E/
9 PLAY+ B1* VOLLEYBALL OR DEVELOP+ AN
EAT+ 4ORD]4 ,I J WANT$ 6BE .\4
  8,P5ELOPE1 MY *40
  ,I WIP$ MY EYES QKLY 2F MY "F CD SEE !
TE>S4 8,HI1 ,DAD40
  8,I'M S V1 V SORRY40
  8,X'S N YR FAULT T ,$W>D ,V&]MAN RAN
AWAY10 ,I SD4 8,Y'RE N RESPONSI#40
  8,NO1 Y "K :AT ,I M1N1 MY DE>4 ,9 !
L;G RUN1 X'S ALL MY FAULT4 ,X 0 MY FAM-
ILY T GAVE Y ?--? PRO#M40
  ,I TURN$ BACK 6MY REFLEC;N & PUT A H&
OV] MY 8PRO#M40 ,FUNNY H[ ,I ALM LOOK$
HUMAN4 ,!N ,I CAU<T A GLIMPSE ( MY "F'S
FACE 2H ME4 ,HE 0 9 Z M* PA9 Z ,I WAS1 &
,I FELT EV5 SA4] = HM ?AN ,I FELT = MYF4
  ,I W5T 6HM & KISS$ 8 *EEK4 8,X'S GO+
6BE OKAY1 ,DAD10 ,I SD1 & TRI$ 6S.D L ,I
RE,Y 2LIEV$ ?4 ,!N MY "M & ,W&A      #FG
CAME RUNN+ 96! SOL>IUM ) ,JAKE BR++ UP !
RE>4 ,! WOM5 7 SQU1L+ AB "S BRILLIANT
NEW IDEA1 & ,I PRET5D$ = MY "F'S SAKE TO
2 9T]E/$4
  8,I C'T 2LIEVE WE DIDN'T ?9K ( ? SOON-
]60 MY "M EXCLAIM$4
  8,:AT'S YR IDEA80 ,I ASK$4
  ,W&A TURN$ 6MY "F4 8,? CURSE--"! 0 NO
M5;N ( N,NAL;Y1 0 "!80
  ,HE LOOK$ AT H] BLANKLY4 8,HUH80
  8,PR9CE ,*>M+1 ! MAN :O C LIFT !
CURSE4 ,I "K HE HAS 6BE "O ( YR [N K9D1
B T J M1NS A BLUE BLOOD1 "R8 ,HE DOESN'T
H 6BE F >.D "H1 DOES HE80
  ,MY "F'S BR[ FURR[$4 8,NO1 ,I DON'T
?9K S4 ,:Y80
  ,MY "M SPOKE UP4 8,2C ALL ? "T WE'VE
BE5 TRY+ 6F9D AN >I/OCRAT AM;G \R [N LO-
CAL SET6 ,:Y N A =EIGN "O80
  8,A =EIGN >I/OCRAT80 HE ASK$4 8,H[ WD
HE 2 ANY DI6]5T F AN ,AM]ICAN "O80
  8,O!R N,NALITIES H DI6]5T /&>DS ( B1U-
TY10 ,W&A /AT$4 8,I'VE HE>D (A TRIBE 9
,S\? ,AM]ICA ": ! FATT] A WOMAN IS1 ! M
B1UTI;L %E'S 3SID]$ 6BE40            #FH
  8,P5ELOPE IS N FAT60 MY "M DCLD 9DIG-
NANTLY4
  8,T'S J AN EXAMPLE10 ,W&A SD4 8,ALL
,I'M SAY+ IS T B1UTY IS 9 ! EYE (! BE-
HOLD]1 & "S N,NALITIES 2HOLD P DI6]5TLY
F O!RS40
  8,IS "! A N,NAL;Y T APPRECIATES PIG
FACES80 ,I ASK$ D\BT;LLY4
  8,T'S N ! PO9T10 ,W&A SD BRISKLY4
8,I'M SIMPLY SAY+ T WE NE$ 6EXT5D \R
SE>* CRIT]IA40
  8,"!'S "S?+ ELSE1 TOO10 MY "M DCLD EA-
G]LY4 8,EUROPE IS FULL ( DECAY$ >I/OCRA-
CY4 ,P ) TITLES & CA/LES B NO M"OY4 ,A
SIGNIFICANT D[RY CD 2 V APP1L+ 6!M40
  8,OH1 DE>4 ,DOES ? M1N WE H 6MOVE TO
,EUROPE80 MY "F ASK$4
  8,T WON'T 2 NEC10 ,W&A ASSUR$ HM4
8,HAV5'T Y HE>D ( ,EUROTRA%8 ,! C;Y IS
FILL$ ) EX-PAT ,EUROP1NS6 ,!Y -E "H =
TEMPOR>Y JOBS B !N !Y WANT 6/AY40
  ,MY "M PICK$ UP ! N>RATIVE4 8,: !Y
C'T1 2C !Y NE$ PASSPORTS OR VISAS OR
GRE5 C>DS OR "S?+40
  ,W&A F9I%$ X (F4 8,& :AT'S !       #FI
EASIE/ WAY 6GET A P]MAN5T RESID5CY8 ,M>-
RIAGE60
  ,MY "M RU2$ H] H&S TGR GLEE;LLY4 8,WE
H 6GET 6"W ON \R DATABASE4 ,"!'S A :OLE
_W ( =EIGN ,PR9CE ,*>M+S \ "! & WE H TO
ID5TIFY !M4 ,-E AL;G1 ,FRANKL94 ,WE NE$
ALL ! HELP WE C GET & "!'S NO "T 6LOSE40
  ,) "O LA/ APOLOGETIC LOOK %OT 9 MY DI-
REC;N1 HE FOLL[$ !M \4 ,ONLY ,JAKE RE-
MA9$ 2H4
  8,WD Y L YR TEA 9 "H1 ,MISS ,P5ELOPE80
  8,YES1 OKAY1 ?ANK Y1 ,JAKE4 ,JAKE6
,WAIT40
  8,YES1 MISS80
  ,I GAZ$ AT ! BUTL] ?"\;LLY4 8,:AT D .Y
?9K ( T IDEA80
  8,X'S N MY PLACE 6H AN OP9ION ON !
MATT]1 ,MISS ,P5ELOPE40
  ,I SI<$4 8,WELL1 Y WANT 6"K :AT .,I
?9K8 ,I DON'T ?9K X'S GO+ 6MAKE "O BIT (
DI6];E ": ! GUYS -E F4 ,!Y'RE / GO+ 6RUN
AWAY4 ,ONLY !Y'LL 2 SCR1M+ 9 ,FR5* OR
,SPANI% OR ,ITALIAN40
  ,I CD H SWORN ,I SAW A GLIMM] (
SYMPA?Y 2H ^? RES]V$ EYES4 ,B ALL    #GJ
HE SD WAS1 8,I WDN'T "K1 MISS40
  ,I FOLD$ MY >MS ACR MY *E/4 8,I'M GO+
6COOP]ATE1 ,JAKE4 ,I'M GO+ 6MEET _! DE-
CAY$ >I/OCRACY4 ,B ,JAKE1 PL1SE SEE ME
2F MAK+ ANY APPO9T;TS4 ,I WANT 6>RANGE !
MEET+S40
  8,Z Y WI%1 MISS10 HE SD1 & LEFT ! SO-
L>IUM4
  ,Z ,I WI%4 ,Z .IF4















              ,*APT] ,N9E            #GA

  8,? IS :AT ,I DON'T "U/&1 ,$W>D10
,LEMON SD Z !Y SAT D[N 9 ! B>4 ,"! 7 ON-
LY A FEW P "!1 &! ,,TV SET 0 TURN$ UP
L\D 6! LOCAL NEWS4 ,!Y CD TALK )\T 2+
OV]HE>D OR 9T]RUPT$4
  8,Y KNEW AB ! CURSE4 ,:Y 7 Y S %OCK$
:5 Y SAW ,P5ELOPE80
  8,:5 ,I HE>D T %E 0 A PIG-GIRL1 ,I ?"\
T M1NT %E 0 A LL *U2Y10 ,$W>D REPLI$4
8,I CD H D1LT ) T4 ,B ,I'M TELL+ Y1 %E'S
A MON/]60 ,HE LOOK$ AT ,LEMON CURI\SLY4
8,H[ -E Y 2LIEV$ ME :5 ! POLICE DIDN'T80
  8,Y SEE ? PAT*80 ,LEMON ASK$4 8,X 9DI-
CATES ! LACK ( AN EYE4 ,I LO/ ! EYE :5
,I 0 FOLL[+ UP A RUMOR AB A BABY )! FACE
(A PIG4 ,X'S AB "T ,I GOT "S -P5S,N4 ,N
6M5;N REV5GE ON T--T--0 ,HE %U4]$1 UNA#
6GET ! ^W \4
  8,MON/] PIG-GIRL80 ,$W>D (F]$4
  8,NO4 ,H] "M4 ,I / H NI<TM>ES AB T
WOMAN -+ AF ME ) T S\P LADLE4 ,!Y TRI$
6MAKE ME 2LIEVE T ! BABY 0 D1D1 B ,I
KNEW !Y 7 BLU6+4 ,I'VE BE5 WAIT+ TW5TY-
FIVE YE>S 6GET "S PRO( ( ,P5ELO-     #GB
PE'S EXI/;E40
  8,WELL1 ,I'M TELL+ Y "R N[1 %E EXI/S10
,$W>D DCLD4 ,!N1 SU45LY1 8 FACE W5T PA/Y
:ITE4 ,HE />$ AT ! ,,TV SCRE54 8,:AT !
HELL '''80
  ,LEMON TURN$ 6SEE :AT _H GRA2$ ,$W>D'S
ATT5;N4 ,X 0 ,$W>D'S [N FACE4 ,ON ! TEL-
EVI.N4
  8,I'VE BE5 ATTACK$6 ,D "S?+6 ,"!'S A
MON/] \ "!60
  ,! CAM]A %IFT$ 6! FACE (A REPORT] 9 A
NEWSROOM SETT+4 8,T 0 ,$W>D ,V&]MAN
,JUNIOR1 SON ( ,$W>D ,V&]MAN1 ,,CEO (
,V&]MAN ,9DU/RIES1 :O APPE>S 6H _H A
N]V\S BR1KD[N TD4 ,DETAILS -+ UP ON !
SIX O'C REPORT40
  ,$W>D BURI$ 8 FACE 9 8 H&S4 8,OHMIGOD1
OHMIGOD4 ,": DID T -E F80
  8,SURVEILL.E CAM]A10 ,LEMON SD4
8,!Y'RE 9 ALL ! POLICE /,NS40
  ,$W>D'S CELL PH"O RANG4 ,HE />$ AT X
FE>;LLY1 & !N PICK$ X UP4
  8,HELLO8 ,YES1 ,"F4 ,I "K1 ,"F4 ,(
C\RSE N1 ,"F6 ,I'M -+ BACK 6! (FICE N[4
,RE,Y80 ,HE GULP$1 PUT A H& OV] !    #GC
PH"O'S M\?PIECE1 & SPOKE 6,LEMON4 8,MY
"F SAYS ! BUILD+ IS SURR.D$ 0! M$IA4 ,!Y
WANT DETAILS AB MY N]V\S BR1KD[N40 ,HE
SPOKE 96! PH"O AG4 8,!N ,I'LL G HOME4
,:AT8 ,ALL "R1 ,"F4 ,YES1 YES1 ,I'LL D
"S?+ AB X6 ,GD-BYE40
  ,HE TURN$ ! PH"O (F4 8,!Y'VE SURR.D$
\R H\SE1 TOO6 ,MY "M IS GO+ 6H A R1L
N]V\S BR1KD[N4 ,:AT AM ,I GO+ 6D80
  ,HE LOOK$ S PA!TIC & HELP.S T ,LEMON
TOOK P;Y4 8,Y'RE GO+ 6HELP ME EXPOSE !
TRU? AB ,P5ELOPE4 ,I'LL EV5 GIVE Y CR$IT
9 ! /ORY4 ,!N "EY"O W "K T Y 7 TELL+ !
TRU?1 T Y W]5'T HALLUC9AT+ OR HAV+ A
N]V\S BR1KD[N40
  ,$W>D ABSORB$ ? & CALM$ D[N4 8,YES4
,YES1 T CD "W1 T CD SAVE MY REPUT,N4
,I'M YR WIT;S1 ,I ACTU,Y SAW H]4 ,& WAIT
TILL MY "F F9DS \ :AT ,I'VE UNCOV]$ AB !
,WILH]NS4 ,I J MI<T IMPRESS HM =A
*ANGE40
  8,I NE$ M ?AN A WIT;S =! /ORY1 ,$W>D10
,LEMON SD4 8,I NE$ A PHOTO40
  ,$W>D W5T V /4 8,A PHOTO80
  8,A PICTURE ( ,P5ELOPE4 ,R1L1      #GD
TANGI# PRO( T ,I C PUBLI% ) MY /ORY4 ,D
Y ?9K Y C GET BACK 96! ,WILH]N MAN.N80
  ,$W>D _H G"O S PALE ,LEMON 0 AFRAID
HE'D PASS \ "R "! AT ! B>4 8,Y'RE N S]I-
\S60 HE :IMP]$4 8,Y WANT ME 6TAKE A PIC-
TURE ( H]8 ,"!'S NO WAY ,I'M GO+ BACK
96T H\SE40 ,8 VOICE 0 RIS+4 8,I N"E WANT
6SEE T FACE AG4 ,I C'T6 ,I C'T60
  ,GEEZ1 :AT A J]K4 ,X 0 ALL ,LEMON CD D
6REFRA9 F SLAPP+ HM4 8,CALM D[N1 CALM
D[N40 ,! GUY 0 A S]I\S WIMP1 B HE 0
,LEMON'S ONLY 3NEC;N4 8,WE'LL F9D "S"O
ELSE 6G & MEET H]4 ,MY PAP] W PUT UP A
BRIBE1 MAYBE FIVE ?\S&40
  8,Y'LL NE$ M ?AN M"OY 6F9D "S"O :OM !
MAT*MAK+ AG5CY W APPROVE10 ,$W>D SD4
8,DON'T =GET1 ANY MAN :O WANTS 6MEET H]
HAS 6BE AN >I/OCRAT1 A R1L BLUE BLOOD4
,I DON'T "K ANY BLUE BLOODS :O >E DESP]-
ATE = M"OY40
  ,HE _H A PO9T4 ,LEMON 3SID]$ ! DILEM-
MA4 ,!N HE RECALL$ "S?+--A M9OR BIT T _H
APPE>$ 9 8 PAP]'S GOSSIP COLUMN REC5TLY4
,HE SMIL$4
  8,WAIT A M9UTE4 ,I ?9K ,I D40      #GE
























                                     #GF
























               ,*APT] ,T5            #GG

          ..,P>ALLEL ,P5ELOPE3
       ,A ,FANTASY ( ,R1L .,LIFE
           0,P5ELOPE ,WILH]N

  ,:5 ,JESSICA ,WILH]N 0 GIV+ BIR? 6H]
BABY1 %E & H] HUSB&1 ,FRANKL9 ,WILH]N1 7
A LL N]V\S4 ,LEG5D _H X T A CURSE _H BE5
PLAC$ 0A WIT* ON ! ,WILH]N FAMILY "O
HUNDR$ FIFTY YE>S E>LI] :5 ,RALPH ,WIL-
H]N _H REFUS$ 6M>RY ! WIT*'S DAU<T] &!
DAU<T] -MITT$ SUICIDE4 ,! WIT* DCLD T !
NEXT DAU<T] BORN 6! ,WILH]NS WD H ! FACE
(A PIG4
  ,JESSICA DID GIVE BIR? 6A DAU<T]4 ,B
S9CE ALL T BUSI;S AB A CURSE 0 NONS5SE &
"! 7 NO S* ?+S Z WIT*ES ANYWAY1 ! * 0
ABSOLUTELY P]FECT & BORE ABSOLUTELY NO
RESEMBL.E :ATSO"E 6A PIG4 ,& !Y "ND H]
,P5ELOPE4
  ,! FAMILY 0 FILL$ ) JOY4 ,LL ,P5ELOPE
0 A DELI<T F ! "D %E 0 BORN1 & %E N"E
GAVE H] P>5TS A MO;T ( WORRY4 ,! ,WIL-
H]NS1 A W1L?Y & SOCI,Y PROM95T FAMILY1
GAVE _! DAU<T] A PRIVILEG$ LIFE4     #GH
,%E W5T 6A PRIVATE S*OOL1 %E _H EXTRAVA-
GANT BIR?"D "PIES1 & ON E VAC,N %E W5T )
H] P>5TS 6EXOTIC PLACES L ,EGYPT & ,9DIA
& ,*9A ": %E MET FASC9AT+ P & _H EXCIT+
EXP]I;ES4 ,H] "M & "F LIK$ 6%[ H] (F 6P
2C !Y 7 S PR\D ( H]4
  ,Z %E GREW UP1 %E 2CAME PRETTI] &
PRETTI]1 & 0! AGE ( SIXTE5 %E 0 B1UTI;L4
,%E 0 AL V NICE & V SM>T1 & %E 2CAME !
MO/ POPUL> GIRL 9 H] HI< S*OOL4 ,%E 0
H1D *E]L1D]1 %E PLAY$ ON ! BASKETBALL
T1M1 %E 0 ,JULIET 9 ! S*OOL PRODUC;N (
.,ROMEO .& '''
  ,9 H] S5IOR YE>1 %E 0 ELECT$ /UD5T
BODY PRESID5T & PROM QUE54 ,%E _H FIFTE5
BE/ FRS1 HUNDR$S ( REGUL> FRS1 &A DI6]5T
BOYFR E MON?4 ,H] HO2Y 0 FIGURE SKAT+ &
%E J SKAT$ = FUN1 B %E 0 S GD T %E 0 IN-
VIT$ 6JO9 ! ,OLYMPIC T1M1 GAVE A FLAW.S
P]=M.E1 & WON ! GOLD M$AL4
  ,%E MADE H] DEBUT AT A GR& BALL1 & ALL
! NEWSPAP]S CALL$ H] ! DEBUTANTE (! YE>4
,H] PICTURE 0 9 ALL ! MAGAZ9ES1 & %E BE-
CAME LEG5D>Y = H] POISE1 H] *>M1 &1 (
C\RSE1 H] B1UTY4                     #GI
  ,( C\RSE1 ALL ! F9E/ M5 9 ! _W WANT$
6M>RY H]4 ,FAM\S M51 BRILLIANT M51 M5 :O
7 S H&"S !Y TOOK H] BR1? AWAY CAME BE7+
= DATES4 ,%E W5T \ ) !M1 & "S"TS %E LET
!M KISS H]1 & E S+LE "O ( !M ASK$ H] TO
M>RY HM4 ,B %E ALW SD NO1 ?ANK Y4 ,P5EL-
OPE 0 WAIT+ = "S"O V1 V SPECIAL4 ,"S"O N
J H&"S1 N J SM>T & RI* & FAM\S4 ,HE _H
6BE SPECIAL 9 A SPECIAL WAY4
  ,"O "D1 "! 0 A KNOCK ON H] DOOR4 ,A
MAN /OOD "!1 B HE 0 N AN ORD9>Y MAN4 ,"!
0 "S?+ V SPECIAL AB HM4 ,HE _H RA2IT
E>S4 ,TWO GRT P9K RA2IT E>S 9/1D ( REGU-
L> NORMAL E>S4
  ,P LAU<$ AT HM & MADE FUN ( HM1 & "S P
7 AFRAID ( HM 2C HE LOOK$ S DI6]5T4 ,B
,P5ELOPE 0 SM>T] ?AN MO/ P4 ,%E CD SEE
DEEP 96! RA2IT MAN1 & %E KNEW HE 0 ! P]-
FECT MAN = H]4
  ,RA2IT ,MAN ASK$ H] 6M>RY HM1 & ,P5EL-
OPE SD YES4 ,ALL H] FRS ?"\ %E 0 CRAZY1
2C %E CD H ANY MAN 9 ! :OLE WIDE _W4 ,B
,P5ELOPE WANT$ ,RA2IT ,MAN 2C %E KNEW HE
0 ! BE/ MAN 9 ! :OLE WIDE _W4
  ,!Y _H A GRT BIG W$D+4 ,& :5 !Y    #HJ
7 PRON\NC$ HUSB& & WIFE1 %E KISS$ HM1 &
"S?+ AMAZ+ HAPP5$4 ,HE TURN$ 96,PR9CE
,*>M+4 ,HE TOLD H] T A WICK$ WIT* _H PUT
A SPELL ON HM1 & X CD ONLY 2 LIFT$ :5 A
GIRL FELL 9 LOVE ) HM J Z HE WAS4
  ,PR9CE ,*>M+ TOOK ,P5ELOPE 6HIS GOLD5
CA/LE4 ,!Y _H LOTS ( *N &! MO/ BI7E/ G>-
D5 9 ! UNIV]SE4 ,N[1 Y PROBABLY ?9K !
NEXT L9E W 2 8& !Y LIV$ HAPPILY "E AF40
,B ? IS N ! 5D (! /ORY4 ,2C ,P5ELOPE
MADE AN AMAZ+ 4COV]Y4
  ,"! 7 _M GIRLS 9 ! _W :O 7 N Z B1UTI;L
Z %E WAS1 & "S ( !M 7 D[N"R UGLY4 ,%E
MET GIRLS :O _H DONKEY E>S & FI% M\?S &
FROG EYES1 & EV5 GIRLS :O _H PIG SN\TS
9/1D ( NOSES4
  ,P5ELOPE WANT$ 6HELP ^! POOR GIRLS :O
W]5'T BORN Z =TUNATE Z %E WAS4 ,S %E DE-
CID$ 62COME A DOCTOR & DEVOTE H] LIFE TO
FIX+ GIRLS ) ANIMAL "PS4 ,ALL ! UGLY
GIRLS 2CAME B1UTI;L GIRLS1 !Y ALL F.D
H&"S BOYFRS1 & "EY"O LIV$ HAPPILY "E AF4

                 ,! ,5D
                                     #HA
  ,OKAY1 ,I 0 ONLY T5 :5 ,I WROTE X4 ,B
AT L1/ X PROVES T ,I WASN'T -PLETELY
SELF-C5T]$4





















                                     #HB
























             ,*APT] ,ELEV5           #HC

  8,Y "E HE>D ( ,MAX ,CAMPION80 ,LEMON
ASK$ Z !Y WALK$ 6! ,CLOV]DILLY ,PUB4
  8,! R1L E/ATE ,CAMPIONS8 ,I "K ! "N4
,MAX ,CAMPION4 ,NO1 N"E MET HM40
  8,I N"E MET ! GUY B ,I'VE HE>D PL5TY10
,LEMON SD4 8,HIS OLD MAN 0 ,CL>;E ,CAM-
PION1 ! R1L E/ATE MOGUL4 ,HE DI$ A C\PLE
( YE>S AGO & LEFT ,MAX 8 =TUNE4 ,& ,MAX
BLEW ! :OLE WAD GAMBL+40
  8,& Y ?9K HE C HELP U \80
  8,! GUY'S GOT X ALL10 ,LEMON TOLD HM4
8.,SOCIAL .,REGI/]1 OLD FAMILY1 ALL T
CRAP4 ,B HE'S -PLETELY BROKE4 ,RUMOR HAS
X HE'S BE5 PASS+ BAD *ECKS4 ,MY 3TACT
SAYS WE C F9D HM AT ! ,CLOV]DILLY4 ,HE'S
A REGUL> 9 _! BACK GAMBL+ ROOM40
  ,! ,CLOV]DILLY _H J />T$ FILL+ UP )!
AF-"W CR[D4 ,2H ! B>1 ! B>T5D] 0 SLAMM+
! BREWS D[N 9 FRONT ( CU/OM]S &! JUKEBOX
0 BLA/+ OLD RHY?M & BLUES4 ,LEMON1 ) ,$-
W>D AT 8 SIDE1 MOV$ "? ! ROOM 6A DOORWAY
L1D+ 6ANO!R1 SMALL] ROOM4 ,A BEEFY-LOOK+
MAN HOPP$ (F A /OOL & /OPP$ !M4
  8,:ATTAYA WANT80                   #HD
  8,WE'RE LOOK+ = ,MAX ,CAMPION10 ,LEMON
SD4
  ,! MAN'S EYES N>R[$4 8,:Y80
  8,GOT A LL PROPOSI;N 6MAKE HM40
  ,! B\NC] OR :AT"E HE 0 LOOK$ !M UP &
D[N1 & M/ H DECID$ !Y DIDN'T LOOK L COPS
OR GANG/]S4 ,HE J]K$ 8 *9 9 ! DIREC;N (A
TA#1 ": A H1VYSET GUY1 A BLUE-HAIR$ WOM-
AN1 AN OLD MAN1 &A "Y] "O 7 PLAY+ C>DS4
  8,T'S HM40
  ,! "Y] GUY ) %A7Y HAIR 0 GETT+ UP4
8,I'M \10 HE MUTT]$1 & HE TOSS$ 8 C>DS
ON ! TA#4 ,) 8 H&S 9 ! POCKETS ( 8 BAT-
T]$ L1!R JACKET & 8 H1D D[N1 HE BRU%$
PA/ ,LEMON & ,$W>D4 ,!Y FOLL[$ HM "? !
B> & \ ONTO ! /REET4
  8,HEY1 ,CAMPION10 ,LEMON CALL$4
  ,! GUY KEPT MOV+4
  8,-E ON1 FELL[1 WAIT UP60
  ,! "Y GUY LOOK$ OV] 8 %\LD]4 8,:AT D Y
WANT80
  8,LI/51 ,CAMPION1 ,I GOT A PROPOSI;N =
Y40
  ,CAMPION SC[L$4 8,Y GOT ! WR;G GUY40
  8,Y HAV5'T HE>D ! PROPOSI;N10      #HE
,LEMON SD4 8,9T]E/$ 9 MAK+ AN EASY FIVE
GR&80
  ,CAMPION ACTU,Y /OPP$4 ,N[ T ,LEMON CD
GET A GD LOOK AT HM1 HE CD SEE T ! GUY 0
"Y] ?AN HE ?"\ HE'D BE4 ,HE LOOK$ PRETTY
WORN \1 ?\<1 L "S"O :O _H BE5 GAMBL+ ALL
NI<T L;G4 ,= _M NI<TS4 ,& LOS+4
  ,HE GAVE !M A TIR$1 CROOK$ GR94 8,:O D
,I H 6KILL80
  8,NO?+ L T1 MAN4 ,ALL Y GOT 6D IS PRE-
T5D Y'RE 9T]E/$ 9 ,P5ELOPE ,WILH]N1 TAKE
A PHOTO ( H]1 & GIVE X 6ME40
  8,I DON'T H A CAM]A40
  8,I'LL L5D Y A CAM]A40
  8,:Y DON'T Y HIRE "S PAP>AZZI GUY80
  8,2C A PAP>AZZI GUY WDN'T 2 A# 6GET
96! ,WILH]N H\SE10 ,$W>D TOLD HM4 8,!
ONLY M5 :O C MEET ,P5ELOPE >E P L U4 ,N
L HM40 ,HE 9DICAT$ ,LEMON4 8,L Y & ME40
  8,Y & ME10 ,CAMPION REP1T$4 8,:AT D WE
H 9 -MON80
  8,I'M A ,V&]MAN4 ,Y'RE A ,CAMPION40
  8,S80
  8,WE'RE >I/OCRATS40
  ,CAMPION />T$ LAU<+4 8,Y1H8        #HF
,WELL1 ,I M/ 2 ! "O & ONLY >I/OCRAT :O'S
-PLETELY BROKE40
  8,EXACTLY60 ,LEMON SD4 8,T'S :Y WE
FIGUR$ MAYBE Y'D TAKE ! JOB4 ,Y GOT !
CR$5TIALS & Y NE$ ! M"OY40
  ,CAMPION 3SID]$ ?4 8,& :O'S ? ,P5ELOPE
,WILH]N8 ,ANO!R >I/OCRAT80
  8,Y N"E HE>D (! PIG-GIRL80 ,$W>D ASK$4
8,P ?9K %E'S A MY?1 B ,I'M TELL+ Y1 %E'S
ABSOLUTELY R1L4 ,& ,I'M W>N+ Y1 %E CD 2
DANG]\S4 ,J 2 PREP>$40
  ,CAMPION'S LIPS TWIT*$4 8,I ?9K ,I C
H&LE MYF )A GIRL4 ,EV5 A PIG-GIRL40
  8,EXCELL5T60 ,LEMON DCLD HAPPILY4
8,LET'S TALK40